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Sooo Frustrated..

Forum: 2010 Playroom


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November 2nd, 2011, 05:45 PM
CanadianLou's Avatar Laura - mom of 3
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,650
I know I have talked about this before, but I am just so frustrated.

Livi is biting, pulling hair, scratching, pinching, hitting and throwing stuff. She is mostly doing it to myself, DH, DD and DS. I have tried so many things to get her to stop and nothing is working. It happens about 20-40 times a day. I say no and re-direct and she just laughs at me and does it again. I tried saying "No hitting biting etc, and only hugs and kisses"... she just started doing the act first and then kissing afterward. I started trying to catch her before she does the act and say "Livi, do you want me to bite you?" she shakes her head "no" and then I say, "Well please don't bite me" Sometimes that works but sometimes not. If it was just me she was doing it to, it wouldn't be as bad, but she is doing this to Rylee and Liam. Mostly hitting and throwing stuff at Liam and for Rylee mostly pulling hair and biting. Out of frustration and as a last resort, I have even tried doing back to her what she is doing, but it just makes her more frustrated and I feel bad because I don't want to be physical with her. I want to find something consistent, but everyone in our house is getting so frustrated by Livi acting out that we are all doing different things to get her to stop.

Her tiggers seem to be when you tell her 'no' or 'don't'. If she is going after something she shouldn't have etc. I know she is just too young to understand a lot of language and what it means.

It just get soooo tiring saying the same thing over and over and over 20-40 times a day for months with no change in action.

Any advice???
*~ Laura ~*

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November 2nd, 2011, 06:08 PM
Jennifer-Jacob's Mommy's Avatar Mega Momma
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Location: Newfoundland
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Have you tried saying "NO" in a stern voice and walking completely away from her for a minute or so?.... I don't know if that will work but worth a try. I hope you find a solution and she grows out of this phase.. hugss

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November 2nd, 2011, 08:27 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 4,663
You could just say "No bite" or "No hit" really firmly and then move her away from the situation, like to a corner or something. She probably won't stay there, she'll probably get up and walk away but it does reinforce that it isn't okay....as she gets a bit older you could make her stay there in time out even if you have to hold her there in time out.

Also, to approach it from the other end at the same time- try building in a few minutes a couple times a day that are just for her. Maybe read her a book, give her extra cuddles and some individual attention. Her world has been rocked by a new brother and she may be acting out b/c of that....
it could be that she is frustrated because she has more on her mind that she wants to express than what her little 1 1/2 year old vocabulary allows her and that leads to frustration when she can't verbalize what she'd like to say. In my own experience that is just something that has to ride itself out, though I know plenty of ladies who've had some success with signing to help reduce toddler frustration from communication woes. Maybe just pay extra attention to trying to decode what she'd like to tell you...

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November 2nd, 2011, 08:49 PM
amazing_love's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I know Camden acts out more when I make it a big deal. I've learned to not over react when he does things i don't like such as hitting, screaming, etc. When I acted really stern and got after him more he did it constantly! It drove me nuts so then i started making it less of a big deal. With screaming its kind of a different situation. I used to scold him but started just calmly telling him to tell me what he wants before giving in and its been better since. With hitting and stuff like that I tell him that it hurts and to be gentle (or nice) and he gives me a hug and i move on. When he's doing it a lot i have to distract him. That seems to work the best at the worst times. If she's doing it for attention then maybe telling her that's not ok but moving onto something else quickly might help? Sorry, I hope you find something that helps soon!

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November 3rd, 2011, 07:09 AM
frgsonmysox's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I know Charlie does this out of frustration with his lack of communication. How many words is she saying now?
~Beth~ Wife to my Airman Chris, and mommy to: Anthony Nathaniel (8/31/04), Anastasia Fae (8/01/06), Baby C (lost on 10/12/07), David Cillian (7/31/08), Charles George (4/29/10), and Alan Christopher (2/22/12)

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November 3rd, 2011, 07:17 AM
Kittynoah's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We use time out for when Jed is doing something naughty. We have a "naughty chair." He onlys stays there about 30 seconds and then we give him hugs and explain what he did wrong. Not sure if he gets it - but it at least stops the behavior in that moment.

Jed has started biting too - but only at daycare. he has never done it at home, only other children (usually because they won't give him a toy he wants). Our daycare provider does a small time out too.

Have you checked with your pedi? Maybe they have a suggestion.

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November 3rd, 2011, 08:22 AM
CanadianLou's Avatar Laura - mom of 3
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,650
Thanks sooo much ladies!

We do use baby signs and she uses them and I notice she is 'talking' more and more each day, but most of it I don't know what she is saying. If I say something, she will repeat it, so I know what she is saying, but she can't tell me something and I understand. Does that make sense? I say "Moon" and she repeats "Mooona" I do feel like she is a very frustrated girl.

She signs for:

Words she actually says (that I can understand):
Uh oh
All Gone
Num Num (food)

So I guess not a lot.

She ALWAYS goes "Uh uh uh uh", pointing for something or tying to do some sort of sign I don't understand, and I just keep asking questions and she shakes her head yes or no, sometimes that puts her into a melt down, but that is not usually when the hitting etc happens.

Attention does help. When Rylee went to school and I just had Livi, she was pretty good all day long until everyone got home and she no longer had my full attention. Thing is I cannot give her 100% attention all the time. And she literally wants that. I do give her lots of 1 on 1 time because Liam is sooo good. But when I stop doing that is when she acts out.

I am really hoping that once she can talk better this stops. She seems to be a frustrated child in general. I remember posting about this before she could walk, and I thought she was frustrated because she couldn't get around.

I'll just keep plugging away... I just had a really rough day with her yesterday, lets hope today is better.
*~ Laura ~*

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November 3rd, 2011, 04:27 PM
croutonluver2's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 389
I feel your pain. Jon was kicked out of his last daycare for biting. I had to take a week off of work and find him a new daycare .He hasn't bit in a while ,but it was bad.He was never aggressively going after someone and most times wasn't provoked.He would just bite. He hardly did it at home, only at school which made it tough for me to do anything. Luckily I found him a new school and things have been ok.He's bit a few times and they do timeout. On Sunday he bit a baby at church and she was bleeding and I felt awful.I always dread getting the pink accident report at his school when I pick him up for fear that he's bit someone!. Thank goodness I think he's slowly getting out of this awful habit! It's very hard as a parent when you can't figure out why your child is doing something!

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