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For those of you who are letting your baby cry it out...

Forum: 2011 Playroom


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May 18th, 2011, 09:25 AM
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 286
how long did your baby cry until they fell asleep. This is so hard. My LO refuses to go to sleep without me so unless I carry her all day, this is the only way. The dr told me that it was ok to let her start crying it out. We had to do this with my first ds and I don't remember it being this hard. My twins we didn't have to do this with.
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May 18th, 2011, 09:35 AM
Cranberry's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 1,329
Hmm...I used this method with my older son, and if it came to it, would use this method with Mina. At this age though? I feel like it's too early. To each their own, of course, but I don't let Mina cry unless I am in her field of vision, so that she knows I'm still there. I think that's an important step to introduce before letting them cry it out for sleep. I think if you skip that, you risk the baby feeling anxious or abandoned.

So, to answer your question, my son took 10-15 minutes at the most to cry himself to sleep, around 9 or 10 months old!
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May 18th, 2011, 09:36 AM
jaime9's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 449
I did this one night and he cried for 10min and fell asleep (in distress).he woke up 4hrs late and I didn't want to keep having him cry to sleep so he slept in the cradle swing.I would just let him sleep with me but my husband is against doing that lol
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May 18th, 2011, 01:53 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,288
I let her go maybe 5-10 minutes? I listen for a change in the sound and then I go help. At this age I'm looking more for her to learn the ability to self soothe, so i let her practice it. Once she's better at it, i'll start laying her down awake. I consider it awork in progress. Last night I put her down wide awake, she looked me in the eye and shook her head no (first time for that), I kissed her and she put herself to sleep. We're also having trouble with daytime naps... But with a 3 hy old brother running around I understand why. lol

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May 18th, 2011, 07:15 PM
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 162
So when do you guys make the decision to step in? My husband has informed me that he does not want to let him cry it out anymore because Reid sounds sad. Ok I'll give you that he sounds a little sad and it breaks my heart to have to listen to him cry. But I'm the one who get's up with him at night. My husband has to get up and out the door by 7 and I can sleep in so I take night duty.

That being said I'm exhausted and tired from spending 1 to 2 hours a night trying to get him to fall asleep completely in my arms so I can put him down. He has to learn at some point how to self soothe right?

We haven't made it all that long yet. Is it wrong for me to let him cry it out for 10 - 15 mins and then go get him because I know it will wear him out and then he'll sleep? I mean the idea is for him to learn how to self soothe...I don't want to make him suffer every night just to make it easier on me.

I'm also not sure if this is worth doing at night if he is on a different routine with the baby sitter during the day. She is older and we are getting such a good deal with her coming to the house...I don't want to wear her out by having her have to go up the stairs a million times a day trying to teach him to sleep. That seems like it should be my job. So because of that she holds him a lot during the day and he sleeps on her lap.
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May 18th, 2011, 08:57 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,288
I listen for a change. There's a difference between the I'm tired cry and the frantic cry... do you know what i mean? Has your baby ever been scared? The sound of that cry is different. So, when the cry changes over, I step in and sooth until she's calm, and then put her back down.. Sometimes It's twice, sometimes it's not at all. but it's a tool I'm trying to give her and it will make her more secure to be able to calm herself. This is SO much easier at this age than when baby is 8-10 months old and having a tantrum and pulling up. Please trust me on this. And tell DH that you are trying to HELP him by teaching him this now. It's prime time. This is baby #3 for us, and I've been thru it twice. Do it now.

I can't say much for her holding him during the day. I'd just let her do it. I do think that babies distinguish between naps and bedtime. So, I think your fine.

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May 18th, 2011, 09:33 PM
monkeymama2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Suburbs of Chicago
Posts: 1,922
With Ruby, so far when I have let her fuss, it never turns into a full out cry, and doesn't last long. Like Sarah, I can tell the difference. I've never just put her down fully wide awake, and walked away. Usually she is asleep or mostly asleep, so I figure I gave her a good start at least, and then I see if she can do the rest on her own. Whenever I do it, though, I do set a time limit, like 15 minutes.
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May 18th, 2011, 10:54 PM
brie_91's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,083
Have you tried letting him sleep in the swing and then moving him to the crib after his first night feeding? Or maybe try to swaddle him.
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May 19th, 2011, 11:15 AM
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 162
My time limit is between 10 and 15 minutes for his crying. It really depends on how long he has been awake. Last night we gave him an early bedtime because he refused to take his usual nap when we came home. Which means that by7:00 he had already been up for 3 hours and was starting to lose it.

So we bathed him, fed him, and put him to bed. He woke up at 8, bright eyed and ready to play LOL. So by 9:00 he started to fuss and was completely exhausted. I fed him and he fell asleep. Rocked him while holding in the glider like normal for about 10 mins and then put him down SLEEPING in the crib.

Well the minute he was put down he started to wake up and fuss. By that time it was like 9:20 and he is never up that long. So I was willing to let him cry it out so he could finally go to bed. If I would have picked him up and tried to get him back to sleep he would just play for god knows how long.

Around 10 mins in his crying sounded pretty bad, not like his normal wimpering. But I'm almost positive that if I would have walked in there his eyes would have been closed. None the less my husband picked him up and he fell back asleep for good in a few minutes.

So maybe we can try a hybrid of the two. I've done the mid cry check in's where I rub his back and pat him but that just makes him madder. I guess we'll see...my husband made me feel awful for allowing him to get so upset.

I felt so bad I went to bed in tears
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May 19th, 2011, 11:48 AM
markswife's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,683
I only had to let Natalie cry it out a couple of times before she settled right down. There is a difference between I'm tired and I can't settle enough to sleep crying and something is not right crying. I tried to ignore the something is not right crying but it's too hard when they are that upset.

Now we nurse and she goes to bed awake usually. Sometimes I can hear her making noise on the monitor that is more whimpering than crying and then it's quiet after about 10 minutes. Usually she sucks on a pacifier and is asleep before I'm out the door.

I wish I knew the trick to share because we really didn't have any sleep difficulties. I feel very lucky and wish I could share it with all the difficult sleepers.
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May 19th, 2011, 02:11 PM
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 286
Update for us, I tried what the dr said and let her cry it out for her nap, didn't change a thing. I know my dd and she would cry 24 hours straight before going to bed by CIO. I don't know what to do. Last night I put her in the pack and play awake, turned the lights off and lightly "sh'd" a couple of times when she complained (she didn't cry). That worked for us last night but when I tried again for her nap today, she screamed so I picked her up. I am so upset about this because I really want her to take naps on her own. I was thinking of maybe getting black out curtains for her room (which hopefully she will move into one day).
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May 19th, 2011, 03:55 PM
Mommyx12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Alabama
Posts: 7,031
Don't be discouraged. It will happen eventually. I've never done CIO really I've let some of mine fuss a little when they were older. I've had some that would fuss a little and then go to sleep and they would never really cry or get all upset. And Ihad others that would cry and just get more worked up. If you want to do CIO that's fine but if you really don't want to do it that is fine too. I've had some that I had to hold and work with to get to sleep and I admit I got frustrated at times when I thought of all the other things I could get done if I could just put them down and let them sleep. But I really believe they needed that extra time with me. And they did learn to go to sleep without all the work from me. And I have good sleepers now. they may wake with an occassional bad dream but nothing on a regular basis. And sometimes some of them went through a phase around age 2 or 3 where they would wake and get in our bed but it was a short phase and they went back to sleeping all night in their bed. I'm not trying to talk you out of or into anything, I just want you to know whatever you decide to do is ok. I remember being a new mom and feeling like I was doing things wrong because I wasn't doing things just like some of the books or peds said. I promise it does get better!
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June 8th, 2011, 09:44 PM
us_four's Avatar Kristian... mommy of 2!!!
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June 9th, 2011, 07:58 PM
ma2b2010's Avatar Super Mommy
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Posts: 805
First, I wait until LO gives me some tired signals... I then put him to bed and let him cry for 2 or 3 mins and check on him and soothe him. I leave and let him cry for 5 minutes, check up on him, and then leave again for another 5 to 10... If he doesn't fall asleep at this point, I pick him up... I did this months ago and it did the trick.
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June 11th, 2011, 08:41 AM
sugary~snails's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: ontario canada
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I am no help sorry - sounds tough!! I dont think I could do it thisn young..but I am also a big softie. my babies are on me all times of hte day..even my 21 month old is glued to me all day. but I am a SAHM..and I like it.. definitely not for everyone! in my experience..I lt my daughter lead the way with everything. at 4 months I couldnt get her to cosleep..at 10 months she gave up breastfeeding (I fell pg) and at 14 months she threw all her good sleep sense out the window and demanded that DH or I rock her ALL night..or she would be awake and mad. We did it for 2 months..until I had Anthony and it became impossible! THEN we had to take serious charge of her sleep. we survived the most horried 3 weeks of our combined lives. it was terrible..I never never never never never want to do it again. Sleep training a 16 month old is impossible! I would go in and it would piss her off so much more then if I stayed out. I would peek in every 10-15 minutes to make sure she hadnt puked. I sat beside her door for an hour every night for the first week listening to her heat wrenching cries. I felt so bad because we had just had a baby..I was feeling guilt about replacing her..(I wasnt obv..but I feared her perspective)..by the second week it was 40 minutes, and the third 10..and then magically after bedtime snuggles she would lay down, take her sippy of water and pass out.
What I am saying is....if you are going to sleep train I would say the younger the better before they really get into dramatics!
(oh and we tried everythign before we resorted to sleep training - she was waking every 40 minutes to be cuddled..then we couldn't put her down, and if we did it was 40 minutes until next wake up)

That being said..my son is 5 months, sleep in our bed..and is currently napping in my lap. I have no intention of training him anytime soon. I however am going to start really routining his bedtime more firmly. He is already spending the first four hours sleeping on his own..and would probably continue if I didn't move him to my bed.

Sorry I dont have any relevant advice
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June 11th, 2011, 09:44 AM
Rockstarmama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 1,879
I have been some CIO, but like Cranberry said, I usually am right next to the crib. Losing his paci is a big part of why he cries. I sit there and let him fuss for a couple minutes and then stick it back in and go sit back down. Like some other ladies said, I can tell the difference between his cries. Like last night, it went on much longer than usual and my DH and I put our money on the fact that he had to be hungry. I took him out of the crib and he guzzled down 5 oz. (I couldn't nurse because I'd had a couple drinks). His parents were babysitting and put him down without him finishing his last bottle. I think when he gets distracted they assume he isn't hungry. Anyway, I'm trying to break the habit of nursing him to sleep every night which is why I'm nursing earlier and then putting him down awake and letting him CIO some. It has never been more than 30 min, and generally around 10-15 min. And, like I said, the cries are more from frustration about his paci and from the fact at he can't roll over yet, oh and one more thing, my mom said she had luck getting him to nap when she gave him something to hold in his hands. He was fidgety because he didn't know what to do with his hands and it was keeping him awake.

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June 13th, 2011, 04:55 PM
Crafty Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,062
You should look into the Ferber method. I did a lot of reading online about it before I started, and so far, so good. Charlie puts himself to sleep some of the time, other times it's less than 10 minutes of crying. Basically you put them in their crib when you know they're good and tired, then leave. Go in and briefly check on them (without picking them up or shushing) and let them know you're nearby, then leave. You do this after say 5 minutes, then 10, then 15. You start out small and let them cry longer and longer each time. I found that if I check on him too often, it gets him all worked up again. Normally he can get to sleep within 10-15 minutes. I had to put a bumper on the crib to keep him from getting stuck, every time I'd go check on him, he'd have his legs stuck out the side. I put up DD's old pink fluffy bumper, but I'm getting a breathable bumper ASAP. I do check as soon as he stops crying to make sure he's not up in a corner.
The Ferber method mostly just teaches them to get themselves to sleep without depending on you to rock them, be in the room, or pat their back. So far it's working very well. You just can't cave in! I didn't do my reading when I tried this with DD and it didn't work very well. I always caved in. We also started around 9ish months. Charlie is only 4.5.
I think I should also mention, Charlie nurses, so he gets pretty sleepy, sometimes passes out completely. But a lot of times he still cries some after a put him down, so usually he's not totally out.

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June 13th, 2011, 05:38 PM
Mom to 4 girls!!
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 871
I read somewhere, can't remember off
Hand, that Feeber has recanted some
parts of his technique.
Quinn Olivia Born at home Jan.13th, 2011, 7:37 am 9 lbs. 12 oz

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November 28th, 2012, 10:59 AM
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 10
How did you do with the CIO? Is your little one a good sleeper now?
I googled SO much when my baby wasn't sleeping through the night and I couldn't find a lot of answers. Now that my baby is 15 months old all of the sudden I'm an expert!

I wrote a post about what I would have loved to know when my daughter was tiny.

I am not allowed to post links yet since I am still a new member but if you google "Never Listless Cry It Out" it should be the first page.

Good luck to all of those other moms (and dads) faced with the prospect of CIO!
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