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Just need to cry... Rant i suppose

Forum: 2011 Playroom


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June 20th, 2011, 09:00 AM
Hoping for baby #2
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,134
I had a meeting with my lawyer this morning because I have been fighting for a divorce for the last 4 years of my x husband. He abused me, abandoned me, cheated on me, lied to me, opened up more credit card debt that i can even deal with because looking at it makes me sick. All i wanted was out, i disappeared left the state stayed hidden for months just to get away from him. No matter how much probable cause i have the state of TN will not grant us a divorce because there is a baby on the way.
His son is being born at this very instant which was clearly out of wedlock, but because Im pregnant they will not grant us a divorce until a paternity test verifies he is not the father. We havent seen each other in over a year, havent had sex in over 3, my boyfriend claims responsibility for the baby and yet the court will not divorce us.
The boyfriend and I planned on getting our own place, where making wedding plans for next fall, we had the blessing of his family and mine, and everyone is so happy we found one another. I thought that maybe i would be able to give the life to my baby that my parents could never give to me. I want my child to grow up with a mom and a dad in the same house, where both parents had a college education and were not living paycheck to paycheck. I guess its stupid to want the american dream, and to think that I could make a better start then where i came from.
To top it off the x has a baby due today. Its okay for him to bring a child into the world while in wedlock with someone else but for me to do that its basterdizing the child. They make it sound like I planned this. Ive been seperated for so long eventually i was going to move on and find happiness. Now l have to tell my boyfriend that all the plans that we made once he got out of the hospital cant happen. I feel like a horrible person and a horrible mother for bringing a child into the world with these circumstances.

The only good news I have today is my doc appt is today, hopefully he doesnt put me on bedrest for being so stressed out.

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June 20th, 2011, 09:10 AM
LittleSwan's Avatar Queens Preggers!
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 129
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WHAT!?!?!? In this day and age? That is just ridiculous!!!!!!! Big hugs!!

Thanks Meganpixel for the gorgeous siggie!
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June 20th, 2011, 09:16 AM
Linz L-I's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Carolina girl relocated to the Philly 'burbs (for now)
Posts: 1,619
What an awful story! First - remember this - you are NOT an awful mother for bringing a baby into this situation! Very few babies are born into "ideal" situations.

I think you are smart to talk to a lawyer. Did that give you any insight into what to do next?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please come here to talk or vent whenever you need to. ((((((hugs)))))))

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June 20th, 2011, 09:28 AM
LookingGlassAlice's Avatar Pagan FTM
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 4,270
Im so sorry that the laws are so outdated in this day and age. I know that at one point in time they were supposed to protect the woman from her husband leaving her when she was with child,.but now alot of the time they hold people in horrible realtionships. Just remember, you did nothing wrong to deserve this, your ex is a world cass ***. Just wait it out, get the test and try to get the courts to hold you with lowest percent of the debts possible. You will make it through this!

More fundamental than religion is our basic human spirituality. We have a basic human disposition towards love, kindness and affection, irrespective of whether we have a religious framework or not. When we nurture this most basic human resource – when we set about cultivating those basic inner values which we all appreciate in others, then we start to live spiritually. - Dalai Lama

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June 20th, 2011, 09:30 AM
Hoping for baby #2
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,134
They told me that i have to wait for the baby to be born to file for the divorce. I will have to have a paternity test done with my unwilling x. Then we will have to wait the 60 day waiting period and then take it to trial. He said best case senario this time next year I will finally be rid of him. Until then he has legal rights to the child, and he is one of those crazies that would kidnap just to hurt me. Im sure he would try to claim i am an unfit mother because I am in college, and only work part time.
He has a meeting with his attorney today at 4 and he is in the state of GA. His lawyer is a shark so maybe she will be willing to take it to trial. However I doubt GA is going to allow him to divorce me either with a baby pending. I'm not sure if any judge wants that on their record. I am going to have to wait on that phone call and pray its just a faint of hope that I can get this divorce through.

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June 20th, 2011, 11:05 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,027
grrr stories like this make me so mad. I'm sad to say it just goes to show that we have not come as far as we think we have when it comes to the treatment difference between men and women.

The very first thing you should do when the baby is born is get a restraining order if you really feel there is a thret there! That way until trial he can't go near the baby.

Don't worry even if he claims you are an un fit mother it does not mean they will just come take your baby away. Someone would come out and see that everything is perfectly fine. Its a lot harder than one would think to have kids taken away.

I am sorry you have to deal with all of this! <3
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June 20th, 2011, 07:24 PM
ComfortablyMum's Avatar <3 Mummy 2 Eve <3
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 8,302

I thought that after being separated for over a year (or maybe its two?) you are basically automatically deemed divorced - but still of course have to go through the courts with it.

Maybe things are different over here?

This is truly a sucky situation I hope these judges realise what they are doing to you and come through sooner rather than later

Eve Alexandra Mae | 18 Months

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