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Is this unfair

Forum: Islamic Parenting


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December 31st, 2010, 02:16 PM
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 186
My husband has a wife before me and she has three kids, her one daughter was born after two years of my marriage. i just had my second daughter (one son is two years). I alwyas wanted 4 kids for me and i just love boys. My husband dont want any more kids and he told me this many times. So if i get pregnant and dont tell him untile it gets too late. You guys think its unfair, i dont did not get AF after delievery so i havent any birth control.

Thanks for taking time to reply me. If i get any..................
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January 5th, 2011, 12:27 AM
shilo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Somewhere Green
Posts: 2,171
Hmm.... it sounds rather deceitful so that doesn't really seem right to me. I think you should talk to him about it some more instead. If both of you have decided to have a "wait and see" approach (not trying but okay if it happens) that is one thing but if he thinks you are preventing it and you are not that doesn't seem right.

As a wife, it's one of your rights to have children if Allah wills. What are his reasons for wanting to limit this? If he married a second wife he should be well off enough to support both of you and your children or should not have done so, and he is commanded to deal with you equally which does not seem the case here. Also if you always initially wanted 4 kids, did you discuss this before getting married and he agreed and has now changed his mind? Frankly if my prospective husband did not want to have more children/wanted to limit them specifically that would be a deal breaker for me (I am divorced and have one child, though that isn't the reason we split up).

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January 5th, 2011, 04:08 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Maryland
Posts: 20,233
It sounds very deceitful and that isn't really the way I would want to conceive a child. Talk it over with your husband and really look at the situation as a whole.
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September 15th, 2011, 12:42 AM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4
Salam Alaikum Deeba.
In Islam we are encouraged to have more children, and not to try and prevent having children out of fear of not being able to provide for them. I don't know what his reason is, but islamically he should not be preventing you from having children. It's your right. Unless there is a situation in that pregnancy is harmful to you or could endanger you, there isn't a valid reason for him to insist on stopping. Especially since you want children!

The Prophet, peace be upon him said: "“Marry those who are loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the other nations.”

the sheikhs at islam-qa say that "It is permissible to delay having children for a certain amount of time if that serves an interest, such as if the woman is weak or sick. But it is not permissible to do that for fear of poverty or for fear of raising the children, because that implies thinking negatively of Allah, may He be exalted. "

They also say that the husband must have the permission of his wife to use birth control becuase it is her right to have children.

I think that its unfair to expect you to not have more children just becuase he had children with his first wife. She is not you. He can't islamically force you to go on birth control, he will be in the wrong.

If I were you I would speak with him on an islamic level. keep emotions out of it. Do some research and present him with the evidence that his thinking is incorrect. May Allah guide him to what is correct.
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