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I have no life..


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  #1  
January 15th, 2010, 09:25 PM
fromGirltoMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,850
I cant sleep and Im just now realizing I have no life. My life is gone. A year and half ago I was always with friends always on my phone having a good time. Dont get me wrong I still love my life soo sooo soooooo much, and I thank God every night for all that He has blessed me with.., but I have no friends. Yes I have all my friends that I used to see daily on fb, but I dont talk to like anyone..and if I do, what do I talk about? What musics new? I dont know..or what so and sos doing with so and so? I dont know that either..all I know if Kennedi and boobfeedings..its not that Im feeling depressed about it all, I just kinda would like to be able to hang out with some friends when Kennedi's with her dad, but I dont have any.

The only time my cell phone goes off now is if my mom, dad, or sister call. The rest of the time its Kennedi's peid, or anything else to do with her. She is my life, and I love that..I guess just now 4 months after I have her, Im noticing that I feel like Ive lost "Nikki"..wow that sentence makes me really sad..
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nikki mama to kennedi lucille
(( 09*01*09 ))
and ryker thomas - born proudly at home
(( 01*21*14 ))



Thy will be done through me for the highest good of all and for the true manifestation of my purpose.



in this time and in the place, I try to live with love and grace
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  #2  
January 15th, 2010, 09:38 PM
LovinMyGirls's Avatar Proud Working Momma
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 15,490
I hear you hun. I know what it's like. I don't know exactly how old you are but you seem pretty young. I was a young mom and it really scares you when you realize what you're life is like after your baby. It's like life fast forwards and it's like your life before baby was non-existant.

Do you have any close friends or any other mommy friends your age? Someone that you could maybe plan a "date" with, maybe see a movie and get dinner and just have some time for you with no mention of Kennedi. Sometime you just need time for YOU..
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  #3  
January 15th, 2010, 09:40 PM
Gray Sea
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Nikki babe, I honestly know how you feel.
I was 20 when Caliah was born. I was always out and about. Not partying or club dancing, but just out. For drives at night. Going to the pier in SB, and listening to the sea lions barking. But then, Cali was born, and it all went away.
Especially because she was 12 weeks premature. So, all my time was at the hospital. Trust me, I never once complained about that, I was extremely grateful that my daughter was a survivor. I had wonderful friends, excellent support. But at things got harder and harder, my friends started drifting. Once Cali grew stronger, and I was more available, they all started coming back around. At first, I was resentful. But I asked a couple of my friends why they 'abandoned' me, and they said because they felt I needed time alone with my baby, to bond. So they were giving me space. I got it, but, it didn't mean it didn't hurt.
Then we moved, and our true real friends...who still live in SB made sure to stay in touch with us. Sadly, these people are all of Hugo's friends who've loved me since day one. But MY friends, disappeared. And honestly, 3 of them straight out dumped me because I had become a wife, and a mother...and we no longer had anything in common. I cannot tell you how much I hurt Nikki. I felt I was punished for wanting a family, for being happy. Fine, I moved on. To this day, all of Hugo's friends are still there for us. They are anxiously awaiting our move back home. And they didn't give us 'space to bond with a premature baby' they sent us cards, sent us prepared meals, sent us flowers, went to the hospital. And now, when we moved to Vegas, we made new friends. Friends whom we hung out with, went to dinner with. Hugo and I aren't social drinkers. We're not clubbers. He drinks, but at home. I used to. But it's been 3 years. So I can officially say I don't smoke, don't drink...and don't do drugs. I am as clean as they come...heck, I don't even drink soda But, I made new friends when I started my new job at pizza hut. It was fun. I would hang out with them. Outside of work. Hugo made new friends at his job. We hung out with them, and even took trips to Cali with them. It was wonderful. We were finally accepted as parents. Well, when I got pregnant with Avi, it all hit the fan. I was suddenly restricted and confined to my couch (bedrest) from week 18 until week 36 when she was born. At first, they were there for me. But as things became more serious, more stressful, they vanished. To this day, nowhere to be seen.

Just yesterday, I was conversating with Hugo. Wondering that maybe it was me that drove people away. I started crying. Why can't I hold a solid, long lasting relationship? Why can we only be friends with those who are married, and have children? Luckily, our friends are open minded, and although they are super religious, they don't breathe down our throats. So now, from having a whole bunch of awesome friends that we've made here in Vegas, we are done to 2. Yep, 2. A married couple. And, so as I was pointing all this out to Hugo, we realized that it's not just all us. We don't drive people away, it's just the Vegas lifestyle.
He called it a 'planter home city'. Everyone comes here for a reason, for a new job, a new life. Everyone is in transition. And when we moved here, we were all set, we just wanted a new home, not new lifestyles. So, in his own little way, he made me feel better.

But, it still stings.

So yes, I truly understand when you say you feel lonely. Kids change our lives, especially us mothers. But you know what, I would rather have my children, than some transitional, temporary friendship.

Maybe that is a huge reason why I also hate this place. People just come and go. I don't feel any home values here. We belong in SB.
LOL
I am so sorry for the super long reply.

But all I am trying to say is, eventhough I am online, I will always be your friend. You can email and pm me anytime Nikki.

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  #4  
January 15th, 2010, 09:53 PM
fromGirltoMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,850
My "bestfriend" is a 19 year old mother, her daughter is 3 months older than Ken. And you would think that would have brought us super closer? Nope. If anything its driving a massive wedge between us. We dont talk, like ever. I tried talking to her on her birthday, but for whatever reason she just said thank you for wishing her a happy birthday and that was the end of it.

Im trying to enjoy my "mommy time" but I dont even know what to do..I will finsih this later Kennedi's up for our first night time feeding..
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nikki mama to kennedi lucille
(( 09*01*09 ))
and ryker thomas - born proudly at home
(( 01*21*14 ))



Thy will be done through me for the highest good of all and for the true manifestation of my purpose.



in this time and in the place, I try to live with love and grace
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  #5  
January 15th, 2010, 10:23 PM
LovinMyGirls's Avatar Proud Working Momma
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 15,490
Maybe a Mommy Group where you can meet other young mothers who are feeling like you..
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No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside." AA&NJ
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  #6  
January 15th, 2010, 10:30 PM
WishingStar's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: TX
Posts: 24,820
I don't have much of a life either. I have no close friends IRL. But, I do have dh and I guess that makes a big difference. Don't give up, don't worry about it too much.
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  #7  
January 15th, 2010, 10:54 PM
hopesNdreams's Avatar Proud BF'ing Mama!!!
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 23,132
I totally feel you on all of this Nikki..I was not a young mom but as far as friends...Once you become a mom your whole life and priorities change...Some friends that don't have children don't understand that and drift away and the ones that do have children don't have time to hang out or have anyone to take care of the kids..too tired etc.... Maybe you can talk to your friend with the baby about setting a certain date to take the kids out together...If not WE are always here for you... MY SIL is young like you and has a 5 month old and she calls me all the time with this same thing...She feels like HER life is just done like she lost herself and who she WAS...Like i tell her, you didn't lose yourself you just expanded who you are, Now your a mommy, nothing better then that!!!!

If you ever want to talk send me a PM and we can exchange #'s!
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  #8  
January 15th, 2010, 11:26 PM
ragmama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Southern VA
Posts: 40,025
I think it's a pretty universal feeling, Nikki...or at least, it seems to be here. Life changes SO much once you become a mom...and it's hard to maintain those pre-baby friendships, especially if you don't have much in common. Finding friendships with other moms is really important (if not very easy) since they'll understand when all you can think of to talk about is your kid!

I had NO mommy friends when Rachael was born. I met several through a playgroup that formed on meetup dot com - have you checked there to see if there's one in your area? Another great site is CafeMom - I met a wonderful new friend there. You can search your area and see their profiles and kind of get an idea of who's around your age, how many kids she has and their ages, etc. Just a couple of ideas of where to start...it seems impossible to meet new people around here, even though (or maybe because) I live in such a tiny area.

OH! MOPS! You can go to mops dot org to read about it and see if there's a group nearby...it's Mothers of Preschoolers, but their site says "infancy through kindergarten." MY group meets in a church and is definitely a Christian group, but I'm not sure if they're all the same. At any rate, it's a wonderful organization.

Ummm, you didn't really ask for meeting-new-people advice, though, did you? Sorry 'bout that, I get off on my tangents...

Anyway. I definitely know how you feel, and it stinks. It does get better, though, or at least it has for me. As she gets older, you'll have more time for yourself again and start to feel more like the old you. Hang in there, and vent here anytime. (((hugs)))
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  #9  
January 16th, 2010, 09:29 AM
IceAngel8381's Avatar Wendy~~Mommy To Eva
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Location: Florida
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Nikki....as you can see, you are not alone. I was 28 when Eva was born, so not really a young mother, but as soon as she was born, all of my "freedom" went away. Don't get me wrong, I love Eva with all of my heart and soul, but there are times when I miss the times when it was just DH and I and we were able to just be together and go out and do what we wanted. Those days are long gone. I have never said this to anyone, but I feel as if I was pressured in to having a child with my DH. He has another child, who is almost 13. He has not been able to see her since she was three years old and I honestly feel that he wanted another child to try and fill that void in his heart, and I don't think it worked. He tries to tell me he wants another child (a son) and I stand my ground and tell him no, we are not able to take care of another child and that is not fair to them or us.

As suggested before, are there any "Mommy Groups" you can attend in your area?
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  #10  
January 16th, 2010, 10:18 AM
mommy2Breana+Brandon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I feel you. I have my husband and my friends at work but we don't go out and do things together. and my sisters

I have many friends on here but I no real close friends

But I got my family and that is what matters to me
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  #11  
January 16th, 2010, 10:26 AM
GracieNAmelia'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Welcome to Parenthood. I always went out and was with friends, now my time is home and we never get invited places because we have kids and I guess aren't part of the no kid club. Whatever, we love our girls and would choose them over anything. Would be nice to get out now and then though. I get Cabin Fever BAD LOL
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  #12  
January 16th, 2010, 08:16 PM
Gray Sea
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How are you doing Nikki?
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  #13  
January 16th, 2010, 08:48 PM
fromGirltoMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Much better thanks Its hitting me now that I am only Kennedi's mommy now bc 2 days a week she goes with her dad, and I have no idea what to do during those time periods.. and if I stay up to late I think about things I shouldnt..its just me. Its why I should just go to bed when Kennedi does. Thank you everyone for your advice. Ive looked on mommymeetup and I never find anyone near me. Where I live just sucks. No one cares to get together. Court has ordered us to take parenting classes so maybe Ill meet other mommies there..
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nikki mama to kennedi lucille
(( 09*01*09 ))
and ryker thomas - born proudly at home
(( 01*21*14 ))



Thy will be done through me for the highest good of all and for the true manifestation of my purpose.



in this time and in the place, I try to live with love and grace
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  #14  
January 16th, 2010, 09:08 PM
LovinMyGirls's Avatar Proud Working Momma
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 15,490
Good Luck, I hope you find someone in your parenting class!
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"
No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside." AA&NJ
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  #15  
January 17th, 2010, 05:08 AM
Mountain~Mama's Avatar ThePastHasNoPowerOverMe
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Maine
Posts: 24,476
I understand Nikki. There are alot of things I miss about my pre-child life.

Does your library do a storytime? Is there a kids museum near you? How about checking with the hospital for any mommy and me classes they are aware of? You totally could join LLL and find mommies that I know you would love!
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  #16  
January 17th, 2010, 05:32 AM
jennmommyoftwobeauties's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I can completely relate with this. I know that I love my kids and nothing will ever change how I feel. I feel that a part of me was lost, but with me I am not really missing it. I do wish I could go out every once in awhile, or that I had more friends IRL, but hey that is the way it is and that is the hand I have been given. Sad as it is. I feel worse for my kids then for myself, because they deserve to have others to play with and they are just not getting that.

I do however as I mentioned want some time to myself...time to bathe, read, eat...etc etc. The simple things that many mommies do not get to do, and others that do. I know where you are coming from and even though I know it is not the same (believe me) we are all here for you online.
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