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To find out or not find out...that is the question...

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  • 1 Post By palmetto_moon

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May 7th, 2012, 12:28 PM
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First off, when I was pregnant with DS, I made it through 3 ultrasounds after 20 weeks without finding out the gender (even when the u/s tech said, "I did see the gender, do you want to know?")...so I am perfectly capable of staying on team green. I'm also not much of a planner, we don't have room for a seperate nursery to decorate, and even if I do find out I can't see myself running out and buying an entire wardrobe of gender-specific baby clothes. I've been through a lot, I'm very cautious and won't buy much until I'm holding the baby in my arms.

I had an u/s at 19 weeks and did not find the gender, although I admit when the ultrasound tech was measuring the femurs I was kind of trying to look to see if I could see anything one way or another ( I couldn't). Well anyway, I have another u/s on Thursday at 21 weeks to re-check my cervical length. I'm not sure if they'll look at the baby much, but I keep feeling tempted to *maybe* ask if they can see the gender.
My reasoning is....the further along I get the more I realize that I am kind of, sort of hoping for a girl. I hate to even admit that b/c I feel like I don't have the "right" to hope for anything. I am beyond blessed just to be pregnant with this baby, after 2 years of TTC, a m/c , and being told it probably would not happen. In a perfect world, we would be having at LEAST 2, probably 3 or 4 MORE kids after this one, and I don't think I would care at all if it were a boy or girl. In a perfect world, I would love to have a daughter someday, but I would also want at least one more little boy. But my world is not perfect, and it's not super likely that I'll get and stay pregnant again. We do hope to adopt someday, but even that is not guaranteed to work out. So honestly, I feel like I might feel a twinge of disappointment either way. If it's a boy, I'll feel like I'm never going to have a daughter. If it's a boy, there will be a twinge of sadness at probably never getting to use all of DS's sweet baby boy clothes again. I'm just not ready for my family to be complete and never thought that on my second child I"d have to prepare to be done. I know I could never hold a newborn in my arms and be truly disappointed, so would it be better to wait until birth to find out? Or find out now so I can deal with whatever emotions I feel at whatever news I get?
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May 7th, 2012, 12:44 PM
Blessed Mommy Of 5's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Indiana
Posts: 4,056
I think it is a personal choice that only you can ultimately answer. I think it would have been so special not to find out and to wait until the baby is born. Like the ULTIMATE surprise! I just don't have the willpower. Plus I want to be prepared and so I wanted to know so I could baby shop!

If you have the willpower to be surprised and find out at birth I think that is awesome! But, I certainly wouldn't blame you for finding out before then!

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May 7th, 2012, 02:19 PM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: the mountain state
Posts: 11,860
I am going back and forth on finding out "for sure" as well...

I can honestly say know that baby is "probably" a boy has been very hard on me. it took us nearly 3 years ttc and a miscarriage to get here this is our last shot at a girl due to my age and how long it takes me to get pregnant.

part of me needs that grieving process, and the other part of me wants to hang on to the possibility... as long as I don't know for sure, it can be a girl.

*hugs* It isn't an easy decision... good luck

FF Chart**CrazyAmiCrochet**
Missing Our Angels gone too soon 6/5/10 (9wks) & 3/1/14 (9wks)
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Adam Michael 9/22/06 (c-section)~Nathan Joseph 9/4/08 (VBAC)~Lincoln Thomas 9/5/12 (VBAC)

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May 7th, 2012, 05:59 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 4,663
First of all, I don't think anyone can truly say what they would do in your shoes. Its such a personal decision. I THINK if it were me, I might want to embrace the surprise if I thought I could only have two....I guess I'd want to relish the suprise if I didn't think I'd get to do this as much as I wanted....
That being said...it only matters what YOU would do and what makes YOU happy. I say, let it sit on your heart for a couple of days and see where your heart leads and then follow that.
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May 8th, 2012, 01:40 PM
nroundtr's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Gainesville, FL
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After our anatomy scan, we were given an envelope with the sex in it in case we decided we wanted to know (we weren't decided even while I was on the table). DH and I "sat" on the envelope for a while and finally decided that we were going to be happier waiting until the end...and we burned the envelope together (it might have been too much of a temptation for me to look in the trash if we'd have just tossed it).

That worked for us, but I think you are the only one who can know for sure what will work best for you. Good luck and HUGS!

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May 8th, 2012, 02:59 PM
curlygirl77's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: The UK
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I say wait until the birth, but only because that's what I'm doing

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