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TMI: painful sex after childbirth

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June 9th, 2012, 02:18 PM
CarolynBB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 2,393
Sorry in advance for TMI!

I've had a lot of trouble with painful Paps prior to getting pregnant and the cervical checks at the end of my pregnancy were incredibly painful (to the point I'd try to crawl backwards on the table, etc). Sex before/during pregnancy could be painful occasionally but not all the time.

Anyway, at my 6 week postpartum check earlier this week, the OB did a Pap and I was thrilled that it didn't hurt *at all*. Like, no pain whatsoever. That hadn't been the case in years! So I was really hoping that sex would be OK.

Sadly, no. Hubby and I tried this morning (for the first time since January because of the bed rest I'd been on from February through Kira's birth) and it was a total no-go. We tried different positions, lube, more lube, and even more lube, and it still really hurt. It was like there was a raw spot up inside.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Should I just wait and try again in a few days? I admit this was super frustrating and that probably didn't help the situation. Hubby got frustrated and then I got upset because he was frustrated and then he got angry that I was upset and it all sort of spiraled into a fight.

(Separate rant: What is with hubby getting angry at *me* because he didn't think I was communicating enough? I told him when/where it hurt, I asked him to hold still so I could kind of wiggle around to figure out exactly what hurt, I suggested multiple positions, etc but yet apparently I wasn't "keeping him in the loop" and that gave him the right to tell me there was something wrong with me. Will you guys all be character witnesses if I kill him? )
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June 9th, 2012, 03:10 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 521
Sorry your having a hard time /=... I can relate.
Im eager to see what sort of advice is posted because DH and I just basically had the same problem yesterday....which resulted in an argument.
In my situation tho, sex has been painful for me even b4 pregnancy ...for the most part
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June 9th, 2012, 03:52 PM
MissLoki's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 757
Originally Posted by Aliciafj1 View Post
In my situation tho, sex has been painful for me even b4 pregnancy ...for the most part
I'm lurking from the March 2012 PR...

Have you been checked for vulvar vestibulitis? It's been a sad, painful and complicated part of my intimate life for as long as I've had one. I've done pelvic reeducation which helped tremendously with the pain.

I hope you can find something that helps, I can totally relate to just how much it sucks.

- Elaine -

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June 9th, 2012, 07:12 PM
jacks_mommy's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 461
are you breastfeeding? In my literature from the hospital, i said that "raw spots" or being extra dry and having more painful intercourse is more common when breastfeeding. Maybe give the OB a call and she can help you find relief..

*Thank you AlexKatieAidenMommy for my awesome siggie*
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June 9th, 2012, 07:17 PM
*Jillian*'s Avatar Baby #3 on the way
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 11,299
I'd give it an extra week. I needed the full 6 weeks + 1 to be ready for sex and even then I was a little tender. It DID get way better with time. I'm sure it will for you too.

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June 9th, 2012, 07:24 PM
muffin300's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,464
aww sorry that's no fun. I had really painful sex for a while after DS. I did have raw spots up there and it huuurt. but it did get better .
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June 9th, 2012, 07:47 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
Oh gosh after Kate was born it took me quite a while to attempt sex and then even longer for it to feel good and not a little painful. The first couple attempts really did hurt. It got better. A close friend of mine remarked the same thing.... that the first couple times really sucked but then it got better than it was before even.

If it doesn't get better, however, then I'd suggest talking to your midwife/OB about it.

2 IVF babies and 1 surprise!
~*~ My Blog ~*~
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June 9th, 2012, 10:55 PM
CarolynBB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 2,393
Thank you guys!! That's all really encouraging. It was just so frustrating, especially with hubby getting upset.

Wow, that really makes sense about the breastfeeding, too. I'm thirsty and feel dehydrated all the time, so of course "other places" would be more dry, too!
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June 9th, 2012, 11:00 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Southern California
Posts: 6,296
Sadly I'm in the same boat I miss our sex life so much- it was awesome, and like you, because of bed rest and hospitalization it had been a loong time. I'm pretty sure my body just needs a little more time. We will probably try again in a few more days with a ton of lube lol.

Thanks so much *Kiliki* for my awesome summer siggie!
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June 10th, 2012, 02:41 PM
dream2bemommy22's Avatar and baby makes 5
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 20,289
Did you tear during your delivery?

With DS it took me almost 13 weeks before it wasnt excrutiatingly painful to have sex, but usually it was only missionary, if we tried other postions it was just too much for me to handle. Even at my 7 week check up after i had him, the pap was so painful i was in tears and the OB told me not to have sex for a few more weeks.

Turns out they didnt sew me up perfectly after i had DS, becuase when i was having DD, they noticed a "hole" or something that they missed and only noticed becuase it was tearing apart in my labor. So that could have been why.

Just be patient and go slow it will eventually be ok.
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June 10th, 2012, 08:39 PM
.:fearless:.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: ohio
Posts: 11,295
I have no advice for the less painful sex part, just maybe insight as to what your husband "feels".
He is just as scared to death as you and feels WAY outta the loop no matter how much you tell him. He loves you and wants to be with you and I am sure it is frustrating for him that you are hurting because of HIM.
Give it some more time and try again
Ethan Michael 6*13*2000, Toryn Elizabeth 6*18*04, Julian Alexander 2*8*08, Jaxson Lea 5*4*12
Married to my best friend since 3*26*12
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