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relationship with DH/SO

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  • 1 Post By LindseyB

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June 21st, 2012, 09:15 AM
LindseyB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Southern Oklahoma
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How has your relationship changed since baby's arrival? Are things better, worse or the same?

I wouldn't say that our relationship is "worse" but it's definitely simmered down obviously. Normally, DH leaves for work at 430 am and doesn't get home until after 6. and he usually works at least 6 days a week. And I'm up feeding baby in the night and she wakes up early, so we are both too exhausted for romance. Plus, DH is almost always asleep before I can even get blakely to sleep because she fights it a little.

Its frustrating. Fortunately, DH's last day at that job was yesterday (yay!!) so now he's working for himself installing fence, patios, waterfalls, etc. He usually does that fri-sun so i'm so happy he will now have the weekends off. His parents started the business when he was a teenager, and he loves doing it. They don't have anything to do with it anymore because they both have other jobs and don't need the income. It's good money and he enjoys manual labor (for some reason).

Anywho, I'm hoping that things will get better now. Blakely only wakes up once a night, and since DH won't be having to go to sleep so early and get up at 330 that we will have more opportunities for us time.

We are going on our first "date" night either tomorrow night or saturday night. His mom has been wanting to keep the girls. Hopefully it will go well. We will probably just go out to eat, theres not much else to do around here besides the movies and blakely will probably be ready for bed by then.
"What I do today must be important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it."
-Author Unknown

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June 21st, 2012, 09:51 AM
Raven_Haired_Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Things have changed. I was going to make a post about it today actually. When I was pregnant I felt very close to him. Our sex life was great after years of a just okay one. I was so in love with him. Now I don't feel close at all. I feel we argue a lot. And I'm either mad at him or really aggravated. Everything he does or says irritates me. I've tried to discuss this not feeling close and bickering and he gets defensive. I'm hoping this is a passing short lived phase.

Thanks PrincessMom08 for my wonderful siggy!
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June 21st, 2012, 10:34 AM
CarolynBB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SF Bay Area
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We've gotten a lot better in some ways and worse in others.

I think our communication has gotten better. This is historically our biggest problem area so I'm glad that we both seem to be putting in more effort now that there's a baby.

We have the short temper and defensive thing going on too, though. I think it's mostly sleep deprivation on both our parts, so I try not to worry about it (easier said than done). I get really annoyed when it seems like he wants a medal for watching Kira for an hour or two while I go to the dentist or something.

To end on a positive note, though, hubby is clearly over the moon in love with Kira and has really been a star about helping out with her, so that does help to temper my irritation.
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June 21st, 2012, 10:40 AM
Mamma J's Avatar Proud Navy Wife & SAHM
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Kingsland, GA
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We're OK. It's not the same as when I was pregnant, but we're both so tired. Abby doesn't end up going to sleep until about 11 or 12, then DH has to get up at 5:30 on Mon, Wed, and Fri to PT with his command. And right now he's teaching a class, so he's at work until 4:30 every day. He comes home exhausted and then I'm exhausted from cleaning and keeping up with the kids all day. So by the time we hit the bedroom we're too tired to cuddle or watch TV and bond the way we used to. We're not fighting or anything, but I do miss spending quality time with him the way we used to. I'm thinking it'll get better once she gets a little older and sleeps well enough to go into her own room.

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June 21st, 2012, 12:22 PM
ArmyWife06's Avatar Proud Army Wife
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Location: Washington
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I would say better. Dh and I almost divorced during the pregnancy. Due to other problems. And when knew the baby would either bring us closer or tear us apart. And it totally brought us closer.

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June 21st, 2012, 02:39 PM
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Illinois
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I think that we've developed a deeper partnership and my appreciation for DH grows by the day. For example, I used to do 99% of the grocery shopping and cooking. DH hadn't been to the store to buy a weeks' worth of groceries in probably 2-3 years (which I didn't mind because I am really efficient at meal planning and grocery shopping). Early in my pregnancy when grocery store smells were making me nauseous, DH stepped up and helped with the shopping. Then as I got to be huge and was worn down by 11hr days (8hrs working, 3 hrs commuting), DH stepped up and helped more with the cooking. Now I'm breastfeeding Aubrey and she tends to clusterfeed from 6pm-9pm, right when we want to eat. DH is actually doing more cooking than I am because I'm often parked on the couch feeding the baby. We're eating somewhat less complicated meals than I would usually make, but DH is becoming an expert at cooking rice, pork chops, chicken, tacos, and several other dishes (this from a guy who 10 months ago only ever made mac and cheese and hot dogs). Sometimes I will get dinner started and then Aubrey will get hungry, and he will finish cooking and I don't even have to say a word. The same goes for washing/putting away dishes and changing the baby. It feels seamless... like we're both willing and able to do whatever needs to be done. As long as we've lived together we've always had a system in which we notice the awesome things the other person does around the house and thank them (even if it is something they do every day) and since the baby was born, my appreciation has just grown and grown.

I don't think I ever doubted DH, but I grew up in a household where my mom was constantly nagging my dad to help out and I saw how it strained their relationship. I feel so grateful to have such a wonderful husband. I can't say that our relationship is perfect (I'd like more physical affection)- but I am grateful for everything my partner does.
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June 23rd, 2012, 10:01 AM
jacks_mommy's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 461
i wouldn't say our relationship has gotten "worse" but I do feel more like a roommate with him than husband and wife. We kind of just live together right now, have no romantic connection or time together that isn't devoted to the kids right now. He works 10-12 hour days during the week and comes home exhausted. When he gets home, I am exhausted from the two kids as well, so it doesn't make for much meaningful bonding time. Sofia is still up at least twice a night.
He is leaving for Military training in less than two weeks and he will be gone for almost a month. As much as I HATE the fact that he has to go and I will be doing this kid raising myself for July, I am happy for him because it will be a break for him. He will get to sleep through the night and when his training is done each day at 6pm, he can go back to the barracks and just relax or sleep through the night if he so chooses. Granted- I will be stressed out to the max doing it all myself, but I will survive...
We know once Sofia is a bit older things will be much easier. We are definitely still 100% in love and everything...but just looking foward to the day we move out of the "roommates" stage and back to husband and wife.

*Thank you AlexKatieAidenMommy for my awesome siggie*
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June 23rd, 2012, 12:25 PM
Koti's Avatar Nugget's Mommy
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Not better, that's for sure.
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June 23rd, 2012, 12:34 PM
*Jillian*'s Avatar Baby #3 on the way
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Not much has changed, but things are pretty good.

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June 23rd, 2012, 09:20 PM
LindseyB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Dhs. Last day at work was a few days ago and it's almost like hes a new person he seems so much less stressed. We've had a great weekend so far and date night was tonight. Blakely was great for his mom thank goodness
Beachbabies likes this.
"What I do today must be important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it."
-Author Unknown

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June 24th, 2012, 04:56 AM
alilangel7's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ours has been somewhat better since I told him I was sick of living like a roommate.

Thank you .h00dihoo.this. for my beautiful siggy!

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June 24th, 2012, 03:13 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Southern California
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We've had our ups and downs. We're just adjusting to sleep deprivation and I still have some issues I'm trying to get over from my hospitalization. But we both really appreciate and love each other.

Thanks so much *Kiliki* for my awesome summer siggie!
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