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my mothers driving me crazy!

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August 24th, 2012, 03:23 PM
newmommysarah's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 2,222
I've been really enjoying the last couple of weeks with my new little family - i've been very calm and relaxed about the whole thing and Alan and I had a nice little routine going - everything was perfect until my mother decided to come and stay with us for a week. We dont have the best relationship at the best of times and now everything she does is annoying me. She keeps trying to take over but i dont need or want her help, shes always in the way when im trying to nurse - she doesnt seem to understand why i dont want her in the room when im trying to get Noah to latch properly, and she is constantly expecting me to play hostess and cook/clean up after her. I dont want to be rude after all she has done for Noah - she spent a lot of money on gifts - but its stressing me out having her here and its ruining my happy baby buzz. I just want to be alone with Alan and Noah - i just want the quiet and relaxed house i had last week - we had a perfect mix of organised chaos but now im running round cleaning dishes and hoovering the carpets whilst Noah screams in the other room and i can hear mum making stupid baby noises at him. I just want to tell her to f*ck off back to England and leave us alone. I'm being a bi*ch i know but it's how i feel. And I miss my baby snuggles - shes hogging them all!
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August 24th, 2012, 04:07 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,822
Uh I'm sorry...I was under the impression she was there to help you ease into new mommy-hood...To make YOUR life easier, not be waited on hand and foot while you juggle a newborn....
I would go ballistic!
I honestly don't thi m you're being that much of a b*tch at all.
SHE should be helping YOU!
....maybe that's just me...
But I would be LIVID

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August 24th, 2012, 04:09 PM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 11,271

I'm so sorry, and I totally empathize. My MIL has been with us for six days and will be here until Tuesday. I am counting down the hours until I drop her off at the airport. She has been no help whatsoever and just wants to hog "her" baby all the time. And she just stares at us when I nurse or hold him. If she was offering to cook or clean or change his diaper, I'd be all for it. Instead, she's just an extra mouth to feed and annoyance to deal with.

Hang in there, and hopefully the time passes quickly.

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August 24th, 2012, 04:20 PM
therevslady's Avatar Built for Birth
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 6,194
My mom was staying with us. I really wanted her here, but she was not helping either and everything she said was so mean and negative. She was not encouraging or nice to have around and we couldn't keep up with our kids, our house, take care of her and try to avoid fighting, so we asked her to leave. We had been on the verge of fighting all day that day, so she gladly left.
Previously known as ~~Que~~

Student Midwife, Doula, Placenta Specialist, and Lactation Counselor
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August 24th, 2012, 04:22 PM
Mom to Madeline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,201
Ugh. I'd be so annoyed, too. It's one thing if she's helping out voluntarily, but expecting you to play hostess is just down right rude.
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August 24th, 2012, 05:28 PM
magz88's Avatar First Time Mum
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,411
I'd be pretty annoyed too. Hugs!
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August 24th, 2012, 06:29 PM
2pinks&ablue's Avatar Chantelle
Join Date: May 2007
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 36,142
I would be annoyed too, I'm sorry she's not being as helpful and understanding as she should be
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August 24th, 2012, 07:11 PM
Ever's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4,239
What IS it with these mothers?!

I have an awful relationship with mine. She thinks everything's wonderful but it's a load of crap and she refuses to acknowledge the truth about herself. If it were me I'd tell her she has to go. Actually, I did tell her I don't need or want her here. Sounds mean, but who needs the constant negativity and garbage?

I'm sorry if it's not easy for you to ask her to leave. I'm probably a little more on the rude side than I should be but there's a long and rotten history to it all.

I would tell her bluntly though that if she's insisting on sticking around, how about doing some chores to help out while you nurse Noah or catch up on some much needed rest and baby snuggle time?
TuckrLeesMommy likes this.
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August 24th, 2012, 09:13 PM
Jessimaaka's Avatar Pink in a house of Blue
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 16,567
I've been lucky for the most part with my mom so far, but when I'm nursing she stops everything else to watch. As in, Wed, we had dinner at her house for my grandfather's birthday, and she stopped cooking for 10 people to watch me nurse?!? It made me very uncomfortable. Tomorrow is a get together for DH's family, and my MIL wrote on fb (and I quote) "If anyone tries to take the baby from me on the 25th, I will hurt them." Who says that?

I understand your pain...at least there is an end in sight!
DS1: C 8/12/2012
DS2: L 3/30/2014
Surprise baby! due 3/27/2017

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August 24th, 2012, 11:36 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
Man that has to suck. I know my MIL annoys the crap out of me. My mom is awesome. The most she's annoyed me with, as has DH, was ask me if E was hungry or still hungry knowing I just fed him. Hang in there, she's leaving soon.

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11

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August 25th, 2012, 03:30 AM
Mountain~Mama's Avatar ThePastHasNoPowerOverMe
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Maine
Posts: 24,476
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

My turn starts today. My ILs got in last night (they don't stay with us) so we will have to see them at some point today. My parents get in tonight. We are all so stressed out already that the extra company just is beyond overwhelming. My mom will help out a ton but it makes Chris feel like he's inadequate. My dad is uncomfortable being away from his own home. My IL's are just here for the baby and my older girls and have no intention on helping at all. I don't want to rush Sarah's first few weeks but I'm already ready for it to be time for them all to go and I haven't even seen them yet.
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August 25th, 2012, 04:33 AM
newmommysarah's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 2,222
thanks ladies i feel a bit less like a bi*ch now lol. its her last day today - we are dropping her at the airport at 4am because she couldn't possibly go for a flight that leaves at a decent hour in the day!
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August 25th, 2012, 11:45 AM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Alberta Canada
Posts: 77
I dont have my baby yet but My ILs are coming just after the baby comes and I know from eperience that its going to fighting constantly. My plan is to just wear the baby in my carrier right from when i come out of the bedroom. This is my and DH baby, and we will be bonding with it the first couple weeks. The ILs can hold baby at certain times but no more than that.

Then when its time to nurse, I will go into the nursery, close the door and let them know i will be out when we're finished. With that goodbye, there will probably be a hint of something they can do around the house while they wait.

I dont think any of you seem mean. Sometimes people dont know what is helpful to new parents, and those that do sometimes just dont care. Good luck ladies with all your families.
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August 25th, 2012, 07:03 PM
MosaicWife's Avatar Missa
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Virginia
Posts: 5,370
Wow. I can't even fathom that. I'm sorry you guys are all dealing with that. My mom has been over several times. She changes diapers, feeds the other kids, takes Doc downstairs to OT, etc. She's been a huge help. She even gave Paxton his first real bath. I wouldn't know what to do with a mom who just sat around, made comments and expected me to clean up after her.
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August 27th, 2012, 07:39 AM
newmommysarah's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 2,222
Originally Posted by AnAngelsMommy View Post
...... when its time to nurse, I will go into the nursery, close the door and let them know i will be out when we're finished. With that goodbye, there will probably be a hint of something they can do around the house while they wait.
I dont mind nursing Noah in the nursery when we have visitors over but she was here for a whole week - Noah needs to feed for one hour every three hours - I got really frustrated not being able to just sit on my sofa and feed my baby in peace.

Anyways - thank god shes gone now. Oh and we almost missed her flight yesterday because she didnt wake us until 4:45am - we were meant to leave at 4 - which meant that i had to stay home as we couldnt take Noah that far without feeding him first and there wasnt time to feed him. Anyways Alan had to race up the motorway to get her to the airport in time - he said he was terrified she would miss her flight and have to stay with us for an extra week lol.
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