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Very Hurt

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  • 2 Post By Pageturner
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December 25th, 2012, 08:43 PM
1InSummerland's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 1,185
This has been a really rough Christmas for me because the only person in my family who seems to approve of how I parent is the one person I have always had a rocky relationship with. Everyone else is judging me, telling me I'm "spoiling the baby" by holding him all the time and - even worse - talking behind my back about how their parenting style is better than mine. I thought I was doing okay not caring what other people think/say about my parenting style but I've found myself feeling very hurt. I was in the bathroom and I guess no one knew I was in there and my mom, my sister, and my sister's friends were all talking (just outside the bathroom) about how their kids all slept in cribs from the day they got home from the hospital and how their kids never slept with them and knew better than to go into their room. I couldn't help but cry because they were so proud of their methods and talking like I am completely wrong and it really hurts.

I know that my parenting style isn't wrong - it is right for me & my family - but knowing that doesn't make the judgement hurt any less. My husband was so upset when he saw me crying and when I told him what I'd overheard that he wanted to leave immediately, even though it's a 10 hour drive and neither of us are well rested.

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December 25th, 2012, 09:01 PM
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I am so sorry. No one should ever make you feel bad about how you raise your child!
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December 25th, 2012, 09:04 PM
JillMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 3,819
I'm sorry I would be hurt too. You are doing what's best for you and your family. Keep dong what you're doing, and maybe don't share with them what you're doing with Jude. HUGS!

Jett 10/11/12 7lb 14.5oz 20.5in long
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December 25th, 2012, 09:48 PM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 112
I'm sorry that you feel this way....
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December 25th, 2012, 10:05 PM
SabrinaH's Avatar Pregnant with #1!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Washington State
Posts: 1,147
Stick to your guns and do what is best for you and your family! They may never come around but you should never regret how you parent your child.

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December 26th, 2012, 12:05 AM
bryan and nina's Avatar Love being a mommy!
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 7,574
I am SO sorry that they couldn't keep their opinions to themselves. Like you said yourself; you are doing what's right for your family!! Jude will grow up to be well balanced because of it! I kind of get the feeling that you have; my mom constantly criticized my style when she was here but I thin it's a bit easier for me to let it roll off my back because she lives in Germany so I don't have to deal with the negativity unless she is visiting. But I know she talks to everyone, grandparents etc, about how "crazy" the things I'm doing are. Get this; she saw a pic of Emmy swaddled a couple of days ago and launched a discussion on how I shouldn't swaddle her. Lol.

Hang in there; what it comes down to us you feeling comfortable with the choices you make! As long as your dh is behind you, try not to worry. You have each other.
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December 26th, 2012, 01:41 AM
cincy1luv's Avatar 1st time mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,878
Im sorry! You are doing whats best for you and your family! I would not share so much with them!! We know you are doing a great job so keep it up!! I would tell them is your baby and you know whats best!!
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December 26th, 2012, 03:11 AM
smashley8's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,851
I'm popping in from Sept PR but I think we all get this to a certain extent. Like Nina's mom, I have gotten the same thing from mine about how he shouldn't be in the Rock n Play to sleep at night (I actually transitioned him to the bassinet because I was feeling guilty) and I have had similar comments about swaddling from family members ("don't you think he'd like to move around and put his arms up by his head?") I have even had comments that maybe me mixing my own breast milk with formula is giving him a stomach ache. Everyone thinks that their way is the best way so you are better off just not sharing with them. A lot of things have changed since our parents and grandparents had babies so for them some things are hard to grasp - but no excuse for the judging from your young family members! Feel better!

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December 26th, 2012, 03:36 AM
yashobo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Brisbane, Down under
Posts: 3,074
Really I just ignore such talks. People have very short and rosy memories. A day after delivery, my aunt was talking about how her tummy was back to its pre-pregnancy size 2 weeks after pregnancy and talking about all the exercises I should be doing . I just ignored her; like that was even on my mind then. Ignore them everyone thinks they know best but it is your child and you don't need their opinion.
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December 26th, 2012, 08:31 AM
abur's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2,026
I really wish I understood why people always have something to say! Why can't people just enjoy babies for what they are, not how they are parented? Unfortunately, I don't think the advice or comments ever stop. Every time someone tries to throw some unwanted advice at me, I stop them in their tracks and let them know that I appreciate their thoughts but I am not interested. So I really don't get a lot of people saying things to me, but then again I'm not really a part of the "judgmental" side of my family anymore. It's funny because last night DH's friend came over and I joked about holding Han 24/7 and he said "don't spoil her now!" - this was coming from a 25 year-old unmarried guy with no children. So I think this thinking is just ingrained in some people's heads. I know that here in the South a lot of people have the same thinking of "don't spoil", "give them cereal in the bottle", etc. A check-out lady at Wal-Mart told me about how she did that lol SO RANDOM. All you need to know is you are doing all the right things for your baby, and it is what you feel is right for him. He is YOUR baby, no one elses!!! Hang in there!
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December 26th, 2012, 09:37 AM
KatherineD's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Fayetteville, NC
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I'm sorry I will never understand why people concern themselves so much with how much a baby is being held or where they sleep. They are not the ones raising said child, so it always floors me! Keep doing what you feel is right for Jude and your family and ignore those with negative opinions. I'd almost be tempted to call them out.
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December 26th, 2012, 10:44 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
Sorry that people are being so hurtful. I don't understand why people are that way either. With family and close friends I also say thanks but no thanks. I'm very much a vocal person, though.
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December 26th, 2012, 12:16 PM
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Don't listen to them. I'm all for attachment parenting. They are only babies for a short time. Have fun holding your baby... soon enough they won't want to be held all the time. I seriously hold my baby all the time. I put him in the Rock and Play or crib when to I need to go to the restroom or start laundry and sometimes to play with his toys. At times, he'll swing in his swing. Other than that either I am holding him or my husband is. When I take a shower, DH holds him. I sleep with him at night. I did this with all of my older kids, as well, and they are all well-adjusted, loving children. Everyone tells me how well-behaved they are and they are happy children. They are not spoiled brats. I don't believe you can spoil a baby.
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December 26th, 2012, 12:49 PM
abur's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2,026
I am also very vocal, and I also hold my baby all day long. Sometimes it hurts to take my shirt off because my arms are sore hahaha maybe try speaking up for yourself? It hurts my heart that you were crying Good for your hubs for sticking up for you! Mine would have done the exact same thing.

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DD1: 10/06/2012
#2 EDD: 10/05/2014

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December 26th, 2012, 01:39 PM
Teeniemama's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: South
Posts: 630
My best advice is don't share everything with everyone. I'm not sure why anyone else needs to know who is sleeping where in your house. This is not normal conversational material in my opinion. Honestly, I never thought much about babies until now and I'm older, in my late thirties, and I had no idea there were all these parenting styles or that anyone even cared about them (outside of their own kid). I do notice that people tell me how they did things with their child -- sometimes I find what they share helpful, sometimes I don't -- but I don't take it as criticism against myself. However, it sounds like these people were criticizing you, which is very annoying. They don't know better than you. Bottom line -- don't share a lot, and do what you want to do!
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xoxo Betsy

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December 26th, 2012, 09:54 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Missouri
Posts: 5,123
I agree with the other ladies.don't share information. I wish people could keep their opinions to themselves. You are doing everything right so don't let them get to you

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