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Grandparent drama

Forum: 2014 Playroom


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October 11th, 2013, 07:38 AM
susie_q's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 986
So the people that know about me are still pretty limited. A couple close friends and my sister but that's it.

It's been hard but I'm starting to realize that this is going to be such an incredible disappointment to my parents and I'm going to have to deal with that. My sister asked me last night that when I go facebook official, am I gonna make a big deal about it and rub it in my parents' faces.

Honestly, if they aren't going to get over that this happened, I can't help that. I'm 30 with a job, I'm not a teenager that lives at home. I also don't want to put these vibes out there to a future babe that he/she is shameful and a disappointment that shouldn't be celebrated. Is it the most ideal time? No. Will I be judged as the daughter that got knocked up by her younger boyfriend outside of marriage by my immediate and extended family? Yup. But I can't help that now, it's done and this is the reality.

It's just irritating. I'm still dealing with a bf that, although he's supporting whatever happens, I know he still hopes I make a different decision concerning this pregnancy. His family and my family are going to be so upset. I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy privately and keeping it to myself but it would be nice to have a familial support system. My sister is excited so that helps but every few days she brings up how much my dad is going to be hurt.

Uuuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhh. This baby better be model material and grow up a creative genius for what it's about to put me through

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October 11th, 2013, 07:45 AM
rabbitranch's Avatar est. 2000
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: central FL
Posts: 13,912
I'm so sorry you have to deal with unsupportive family. I haven't told anyone yet because I am also not expecting a good reaction with this being #5. It makes me so sad that there are people out there who don't view a new baby as a blessing and purely good thing. The fact of the matter is we all grow up in different family circumstances and none of them as a whole are perfect or one more right than another. :hugs:
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Heidi, mama to 5 kiddos and an lost 11.25.13 at 11w5d
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October 11th, 2013, 07:56 AM
Danielle80's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hunter Army Airfield (Richmond Hill), Ga
Posts: 3,667
Hugs!!! A baby is a blessing and it doesn't matter if you are married or not. I had my first child when I was 17 and was not married. My family didn't like the situation but have always loved her so much. I can honestly say my oldest is the most helpful and wonderful kid a mom could ask for. A BLESSING! Was it hard? Sure! Was it worth it? The judgement by strangers and some family? ABSOLUTELY! Celebrate this pregnancy and baby (God made him or her for a reason). Again, HUGS!!!!
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Danielle: Mom to Caitlyn (16), Brooklynn (12), Jackson (8), Lincoln (5), & Baby Harrison

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October 11th, 2013, 08:38 AM
angelsailor288's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Kingston, NY
Posts: 5,057
I'm sorry you are going through that. When I got pregnant with my son Nicholas, my parents flipped out like I was 15 or something. We were both 21, unmarried, but we owned our home and had been together a year and a half. It was like ww3. Bad times. I hope things calm down for you
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October 11th, 2013, 08:48 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 1,413
I'm sorry that you are going through this.
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October 11th, 2013, 09:05 AM
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 8
I'm sorry. I have not told my family because of similar reasons. I was married for several years. We had 5 children together and unfortunately we were not able to stay married. I have a successful career and I am a great mother and while I am not married, they have a good father (my ex-husband.) I have been dating my current boyfriend for 2 years. I just found out last Sunday that I am pregnant. I haven't even told him yet. I don't feel any personal shame over the situation, but it stinks bc I know certain family members will look down on it.
Im actually having a depressed day over it
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October 11th, 2013, 09:45 AM
susie_q's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 986
Thanks for all the encouragement ladies! Although it stinks, it's at least somewhat comforting that some us are in the same boat.

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October 11th, 2013, 11:22 AM
chrysalis1's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 532
I think that while things are rough now, nine months is a long time and I think by the time the baby is almost here, everyone will really around and be much more supportive. I remember growing up I actually had two girl friends who got pregnant as teenagers in high school. In both situations their parents were DEVASTATED and in one case her parents pushed strongly for abortion. In both cases the babies' father pushed for abortion and everyone was disappointed all around. One girl I was extremely close to used to cry herself to sleep feeling like she disappointed her family because her uncle's and grand parents constantly told her how much much she should be ashamed, etc etc. In both cases my grandmother would point out to me "look at how some girls your age are messing up their lives". But in both cases, by the time the girls were getting ready to deliver, their families pulled a 360 and became supportive for the new baby. Both fathers are still involved in the childrens' lives positively (although one couple is not together) and this is seven years later. I know their situation is nothing like yours (you for example are an adult with a means to support) but I think it does help illustrate that while people can be Sooooo disappointed in the beginning, usually before the baby arrives people start focusing on the new baby's needs. I am so sure that after the initial shock goes away and as the pregnancy progresses you will get the familial support you and the baby deserve.
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Me: 25 DH: 27

"Mild" pcos, conceived DS1 on cycle #4 ttc
Baby B. 5/2014

BFP on first cycle TTC baby #2.. So surprised and happy!

Last edited by chrysalis1; October 11th, 2013 at 11:25 AM.
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October 11th, 2013, 11:23 AM
RunningMommyTo5's Avatar Marathoning Mom to 4!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 4,443
(((hugs))) Babies are a blessing, no matter the circumstances they are conceived under. So many things have to go just right for a baby to come about, that when God allows that to happen, the baby is meant to be and has a purpose. I'm sure you'll find everything you will go through more than worth it. Hopefully your parents will surprise you with their reaction, if not, then I pray they will eventually come around. For most families, all the feelings fade once they meet the sweet child, if it even takes that long.

I'm also holding out telling family for much longer with this one that our others. It is #5. DH and I didn't plan this, although we know God did, and I dread MILs reaction. She didn't want us to have any more after two! It drives her crazy that we don't include her in family decisions. When we made a big annoucement for #3, she looked at DH and said, in front of everyone, "Well, I told you you're on your own after two. Don't expect me to ever watch or help out with them again..." WHAT??? No congrats, nothing. It made me cry and ruined our special night. So, then with #4, she just shrugged and walked away, no reaction. She almost lost her relationship with DH over what happened with #3's reaction, so I guess she figured what she did with 4 was better, but it was still hurtful. I can't even imagine what she'll say. I'm seriously considering not even telling her until I'm too big to deny, which if this pregnancy goes like my other, I can hide up until 6 months.

My family will be happy, though, as will some of my close friends. Though, even some friends are going to make snide comments/jokes that I'm absolutely going to hate. *sigh*

My advice is to take comfort in knowing that this child is YOURS, you're an adult, you're more than capable of caring for this absolute blessing that God created and has a special purpose for. Announce when you're ready and how you're ready. Do not let anyone steal your joy. All miracles deserve to be celebrated, so cling to those who love you and your baby and will surround you with love and support, family or not.
*~*~ Katie; Mommy to 3 fun-loving boys, one sweet little baby girl, and #5 on the way! *~*~

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October 11th, 2013, 04:16 PM
AllyTales's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 883
Aw, I'm sorry you don't think they'll be supportive

I can sit here and say "don't worry about it, it doesn't matter what they feel like" ... in reality, I know you will still care. But tryyyyy not to let it upset/bother you. Like you said, you're 30.- you're an adult. I bet once they get past some possible initial shock, they will embrace it. (I hope they would, anyway).

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♥ due with little GIRL June 1 ♥
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October 11th, 2013, 04:48 PM
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 362
You've made your decision & they really have no choice but get over it or lose out on you and your child. I don't get why everyone else feels it's their place to judge grown A adults who are able to deal with the consequences of their actions.

I can't say my family will be unsupportive or mad, but they will probably look at me with a blank stare...for a few seconds. Then again, maybe not since I'm the baby grandchild & NO ONE else wants to have kids...at the last family get together a couple of them joked that I should have another since no one else was!

This will be interesting.

I think my main concern is how my two current sons will take the news.
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Last edited by 3maybe; October 11th, 2013 at 04:52 PM.
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October 11th, 2013, 05:59 PM
mrsdaiwa24's Avatar Amy, soon-to-be-mama of 2
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 10,073
Okay, it's so much easier for me to say these things because it's not me, but here we go.....

You cannot worry about what other people think.

You cannot change other people's opinions. They have to be willing to change.

If they choose to view this as a disappointment, then that is they're bad choice and they will have to live with that for the rest of their lives.

I have experienced quite a bit of family drama, including having my father decide to show almost zero interest in me and my daughter. It makes me incredibly sad to know that he has written us off but I refuse -- I absolutely refuse -- to beg someone to love me or my child. Yes, it is our loss too, but he has made this decision and he has to live with it.

I hope that your family comes around and realizes that while the timing isn't perfect, this baby is a true blessing and that they love him/her unconditionally. Give them time to adjust to the news and hopefully you'll see that they really do care.
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October 12th, 2013, 04:10 PM
susie_q's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 986
Thanks again ladies. It's nice to have such a nice support system here

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October 12th, 2013, 06:59 PM
momRT's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: California
Posts: 403
I'm dreading telling my mom too. She has never been happy about any of my pregnancies. I'm almost 30, we both have great incomes, and are both excited about this baby! But she'll be mad because she still thinks of me as a 13 year old who doesn't know what she's doing with her life. She always gets over it though, so don't be too upset over their initial reaction. It's only temporary. I told my best friend expecting her to make some funny comment on me having four kids and all she said was this will most likely be the end of our friendship since we hardly get to see each other as it is. We've been friends since high school, I didn't think we had an offspring limit for our friendship.
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Tara & Justin
Parents to Lillian (13), Phoenix (12), Danielle (6), Joslyn (1)
Jackson 01/27/2014
Born at 19 weeks and 2 days
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October 12th, 2013, 07:53 PM
Demetria's Avatar Baby Mia 11-12 1lb 6oz <3
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 4,045
I hope things go better than what you expect!! Hugs!!!

*Oh and I just realized you changed your username!
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Somewhere over the RAINBOW

Missing my sweet little boy, RIP Baby Sullivan Parker
1-3-14 18 weeks gestation (measuring 20 weeks at scan)
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