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Baby Shower Planning DRAMA - advice?

Forum: 2014 Playroom


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March 10th, 2014, 11:05 AM
Britt3's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 902
I need some advice please! Advise? Advice? Ugh - why am I totally having pregnancy brain today!? I have an English degree for goodness sakes! lol.

Ok - so a few months ago, my DP's aunt (who is practically his mother now) told us she'd love to plan a baby shower for us. Literally within a day, my DP's brother's girlfriend said she'd love to plan a baby shower for us too (she didn't know the aunt had mentioned it). (To be honest, I'm not even sure who mentioned it first)
We couldn't tell either of them "no," so we told them that they could work together and co-host if they wanted, and we'd love that!
Almost immediately my SIL (I call her that since she's practically married to my DP's brother, and DP and I are practically married. lol) started asking me about plans for the shower. She was ready to set a date, pick out food, snacks, decorations, etc. Honestly, it was a bit overwhelming because she kept asking me about what I wanted, and had me start a board on pinterest to pin things so she could keep track of what I liked. But, it was very nice to give input. Then we hear from the aunt that she's ready to set a date.

So fast-forward a little bit... back in January, at my DP's birthday party - my SIL wanted to have us (her and I) go up to my DP's aunt and discuss the baby shower plans. However, I didn't feel it was the right time or place - and the aunt was in the middle of a conversation with multiple family members, having a good time, etc. (The party had just started!!) But - my SIL went ahead and sat down next to the aunt and started discussing it. I kept my distance. lol. Apparently the aunt didn't say much and that was that.

So my SIL messaged the aunt on FB a few weeks ago and gave her phone number, and what not. She said she was ready to send out the invites whenever, and was ready to help with anything else necessary. She even sent a link to the invitations that I picked out and said she would be ordering them. It showed that the aunt read the message - but to this day she hasn't responded.

Alrighty--- now the aunt told my DP where we are having the shower and what the date is. (not our original plan at all) She has rented a place and will have it catered. And while I'm forever grateful - this is not my style. I'm a very do-it-yourself type of person and was looking forward to making foods, snacks, and decorations for the party. She also called and said she's sending out the invitations this week. Still, no word about my SIL helping in any way.

What do we do?!? My DP keeps saying he doesn't want to start any drama in the family. While I'm not trying to start any drama either - I still feel like this is totally crappy what she's doing! my SIL is my absolute best friend - so I hate to see her feelings hurt in this way too. I can't just sit back and let someone hurt her feelings - then what kind of friend am I? I also don't want to be in the middle of it all either... and I don't want the shower to be awkward. (my aunt is literally sending my SIL an invitation too and asked for her address!)

Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11/23/2015 - at 8.5 weeks
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March 10th, 2014, 11:11 AM
Missymoos's Avatar 1st time Momma!
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Ontario (Canada)
Posts: 1,090
From the sounds of it, SIL will likely be much more understanding than MIL. My mom can be similar - her and I are really close now but if she feels slighted in any way it's drama, drama, drama (i.e. if my little brother and I do something together and she finds out afterwards...she's gets all bent out of shape, like we excluded her on purpose).

So maybe - if you are closer to your SIL - you could talk to her about what is going on and see if she would be ok with helping you plan a welcome baby BBQ and just leave the shower to your MIL...?

Family drama is the worse drama, fingers crossed for you that things get smoothed over!

Rainey Jessica born on June 4th 2014

Jan. 2012 (6 wks)
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March 10th, 2014, 05:45 PM
epsilonbeta's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: California
Posts: 881
I was almost in a similar situation. My BFFs offered to throw a shower but I knew my MIL would want a part so I asked them to host it at her house and said I would talk to her. Turns out MIL was already planning a surprise party but said she would work with them. They were having communication issues a month ago and MIL was saying she was about to do everything herself even though a month earlier she had complained that BFFs were too gung ho on starting everything >_<What I had to do was say give me a week to get in touch with everyone. I told them MIL was feeling left out because they weren't contacting her about planning. Would they please join her FB group and call her. Thankfully it worked out.I would call the Aunt and say that you thought SIL and her were planning together, but SIL is struggling to get in contact with her. Is she still ok planning with SIL and if so give the contact information again.If Aunt is not ok planning with her then I would go with the previous suggestion of having SIL plan a welcome baby BBQ.
Mommy to DS (2.5) and Adopted DS (19). PCOS success story.
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