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Rainey Jessica Hawes - June 4, 2014

Forum: 2014 Playroom


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  • 2 Post By Missymoos
  • 1 Post By Amelya
  • 1 Post By womanintheshoe

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June 28th, 2014, 02:13 PM
Missymoos's Avatar 1st time Momma!
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Ontario (Canada)
Posts: 1,090
Rainey Jessica Hawes
Born June 4, 2014 - 11:10pm
7lbs & 11oz

Due to my ongoing blood pressure issues - we went into the hospital on Wednesday, June 4th for some follow-up tests and another NST. At our previous appointment the OB told us to bring our hospital bag, just in case, as my due date was June 5 and if the tests were not favourable then I would probably be induced....

So, of course, despite having a good blood pressure reading before we left, while I was being monitored over 3 hours, my blood pressure spiked at least once an hour to a very unfavourable result. My blood tests also showed an elevated white blood cell count, and yup - you guessed it - protein in my pee too!

The attending OB decided to induce me that day so they administered cervical gel at 3pm and said that I might be able to go home and come back in the morning depending on my progress.
6pm rolls around and the next OB comes in and says there is no way I am going home because my blood pressure had spiked again...and this time stayed high whereas before it would settle down a bit after each spike *sigh*.

I didn't particularly like the new OB (esp. since I was supposed to be having a lovely natural birth with my amazing midwives) and my dislike of this OB was intensified after she "checked me" - the term "bull in a china shop" comes to mind when describing the manner in which she assaulted my poor cervix. I had been checked by two different midwives in the last couple weeks, and again earlier that day by the first OB...yet this new OB was the first to actually cause enough pain to bring me to tears. The nurses had to hold my legs and shoulders to prevent me from kicking the OB in reaction to the examination. She wasn't happy with my progress so she administered a second cervidel gel.

Ryan had gone home to feed our dog (our dogsitter decided that this was a good day to cancel on us last minute!) and grab some dinner so he wasn't there yet I was by myself after the OB and nurses left and just started crying full out. Ryan came in about 15 minutes later and was really mad to see me so upset - which, admittedly, made me feel a little better...sometimes a girl just wants to feel like she's protected by her man

But I digress - back to my birth experieence - the second gel did it! I was really taken by surprise how intense the contractions became and how quickly they went from bearable to unbearable...and quite honestly, I felt embarrassed that I was such a wimp about them. At 9pm the nurses encouraged me to get the epidural because they were expecting me to labour all night and either deliver, or take the next step in the induction (pitocin) in the morning. I had spoken to my midwives about the epidural and they had also recommended it if the labour was looking to be long and difficult, if only so I could rest and save my strength for when I needed it. So I agreed to the epidural and received it around 9:45pm. It was surprisingly unpainful and the anesthesiologist was just fantastic - really reassuring and friendly while still being professional. All monitoring and tests leading up to that point showed Rainey's heart rate as steady and fine...

... it was about 25mins after the epidural though that the monitors suddenly started going off and in glancing at them, we saw an alarming drop in Rainey's heart rate from the 140s down to the low 80s in less then a minute...the main nurse came into the room and tried repositioning the monitors and that resulted in an even lower heart rate - now in the 70s - she ran to the hallway and yelled "I need help in here, now!". Three more nurses came running and over the next 30 minutes they flipped me from side to side and tried stimulating Rainey by continually sweeping my membranes. I was put onto oxygen and despite everyone telling me to breath deeply for the baby, I felt like I kept forgetting to breath as the fear and shock started setting in. Around that time was when the tremors started - total body, uncontrollable shaking.

It felt like forever for the OR staff to get the room ready for me - and for whatever reason they felt the need to read me the standard disclaimers and make me sign everything when Ryan had been given the authority to decide and sign on my behalf. During that time Rainey's heart beat kept dropping lower with each contraction and not recovering between them. Ryan told me later that he had never seen fear in anyone's eyes before that compared to the way I kept looking at him and that was what helped him put aside his own fear and keep reassuring me that everything was ok. This was really put to the test when Rainey's heart rate flat-lined just before we were ready to be wheeled into the OR and the nurses couldn't find it again...I remember the thought "oh my god, we've just lost her" flashing through my mind.

Finally they were ready to wheel me across the hall to the OR and the nurse yelled at Ryan to take the front of the bed. I was left in the OR with the staff while Ryan was hurried into his scrubs. I was reassured to see the same anesthesiologist and he ended up being the one to keep Ryan and I both calm and reassured.

The epidural was upped until I couldn't feel anything below my armpits - Ryan came in and was holding my hand as the tremors still swept through me. The initial incision was made at 11:03pm, and Rainey was born at 11:10pm.

Rainey was looked over by a second OB and declared perfectly healthy - we heard her cry and I have never felt so relieved, and yet so numb in my life. They held Rainey to me cheek to cheek for a few minutes - Ryan says that's when he finally allowed himself to feel his own fear and shock. They took Rainey away with Ryan and he held her skin to skin in our room while I was cleaned up.

After the c-section the diagnosis was placenta abruption and apparently Rainey and I were lucky to have made it through everything unscathed as there was a large amount of internal bleeding in my uterus. Both the on-call OB who came to see me over the weekend, and the other attending OB who saw me the fllowing Monday told me that if they had been shown my charts without knowing we were fine they would have assumed the baby didn't make it. The nurses called Rainey the "miracle baby".

We ended up in the hospital for 6 days...due to my ever-high blood pressure, which should have dropped after the delivery, and since it didn't I was put on blood pressure meds...that didn't work! So I was given a stronger medication that eventually did the trick. I seriously think being stuck in the hospital, and the stress dealing with Ryan having to drive back and forth every day, my milk not coming in for 5 days, and trying to wrap my head around what happened was the real cause - not some sort of medical mystery.

So yeah - not exactly what we had anticipated for our birth plan but we were extremely lucky that we were in the hospital to start with...and while at first I was battling my guilt over agreeing to the epidural - I thought that my getting the spidural was what caused Rainey's heart rate to drop - the hospital staff assured me that the epidural had nothing to do with it, my blood pressure and the intensity of the contractions were the cause. Also, in hindsight, the epidural was probably what saved Rainey's life. If I hadn't got it, I wouldn't have been hooked up to the permanent monitors right away (they were just checking on occasion with the doppler) and her diffulties with her heart rate might not have been caught on time to save her.

My other guilt was my difficulty bonding with Rainey initially. I think the shock and the speed at which everything happened - one minute I was contracting and going through the labour process with Ryan at my side and the next I was numb from the neck down, still having full body tremors and not pregnant anymore - made it really hard for me to accept that I had "given birth" and Rainey was my baby. Combine all that with the emotional rollar coaster that followed with my 6 day forced stay in the hospital...sleep deprivation, having to say good-bye to Ryan every evening before supper knowing I was on my own all night until he came back the next morning, and probably too many visitors while I was in the hospital - if I didn't have one particularly amazing nurse with me for 4 of the 6 days I was there I am not sure everything would have turned out as well.
I am now completely head over heels in love with Rainey - the love came pretty quickly after the first couple days - I adore my family and am so lucky to have the partner I have in Ryan. He is amazing as both a father to Rainey and as a husband to me.

I think the only negative to come out of our birth experience is I have a real fear now delivering another baby...either a natural delivery (I didn't "forget about the pain" once I held Rainey because the birth was so fast and frightening) or another c-section, despite my rather quick recovery from this one. My fear of another c-section stems more from my lack of instant bonding with my baby - but we do definately want a second child and I've got at least 18 months to work through these residual fears and feelings...and in the meantime, I can now say that I would do everything all over again for Rainey and I am so incredibly happy and grateful to have my gorgeous little daughter

And of course, what you all really want to see - here are some pictures!

1 day old (above), 8 days old (below)

2.5 weeks old (below)

Bright eyed & bushy tailed - 3 weeks old! (below)

Amelya and Mmartin04 like this.

Rainey Jessica born on June 4th 2014

Jan. 2012 (6 wks)

Last edited by Missymoos; June 28th, 2014 at 02:23 PM. Reason: Adding pictures of baby Rainey :)
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June 29th, 2014, 06:17 PM
Hoping for baby #2
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,134
lurking from October2014 DDC. Congratz on your baby she is beautiful. I understand what you mean by fear to have another baby and go through delivery. I had a very different birth than you did, but it has caused a lot of fear and depression post partum.If you don't know much about it I would recommend looking into Hypnobabies birthing for your next baby. It certainly has helped me cope with my past birth, and plan for a positive healing one this time around. Good luck and love on that baby <3
Missymoos likes this.

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June 29th, 2014, 09:57 PM
womanintheshoe's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 354
Lurking as well from JanDDC. First, I am just so relieved that you were in the hospital and being monitored! What a traumatizing experience you had, mama. Like you, I never did forget the pain after delivery like everyone told me I would, and the struggle I had after my emergency c/s last time also caused me to not bond with my babies. It's good to read that you did bond with your daughter, though. BIG hugs to you!!!
Missymoos likes this.
One time "I'm NEVER having children!" woman
to Mama of 12 ages 21, 19, 18, 16, 14, 12, 11, 8, 6, 5, 5, 2

Always missing 13 precious little ones I never got to hold due to chemical pregnancies, blighted ova, vanishing twins and ectopic.

♥ Loving the beautiful life I once thought I never wanted. ♥

Last edited by womanintheshoe; June 29th, 2014 at 10:00 PM.
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June 30th, 2014, 01:31 PM
NewMommyErin's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 53
Congratulations....she's beautiful!! I'm sorry for the scary experience.
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