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Devin's Memorial

Forum: Stillbirth


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April 6th, 2008, 11:05 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
The day went quite well. I am so glad to have my mom here, she did a lot of the food stuff so I could focus on setting the table up and printing up some more photos and things.

I was REALLY pleased with my memory table for Devin. It looked fantastic. I put out the photos and things, I printed out the lyrics from Garth Brooks' "The Dance" and framed that, and I put mom's scrapbook pages in a binder and put that there too. And the way it generally went is that a couple would walk in and give us all hugs. The woman would spot the table and walk over and exclaim over how wonderful it was and read things and chat with me about Devin and stuff. The men would walk over to Den and the snacks and talk about sports. No one blinked at the photo of Devin. MIL did comment on it positively, she said it was so great that someone could touch it up for me.

We ate, food was really good. Everyone stood around eating and talking. It was peaceful for me. I moved from group to group. I sat, I stood, my feet ached. I couldn't really sit still. Den was mostly talking sports and stuff with his brothers, the women were sometimes in the kitchen, just talking about random things. I felt surrounded by people who understood and supported us.

Then it was almost 7:00 and we all headed outside. It would have been a little weird had I been in a mood to think about it, all these people filing out of my house to stand in our front yard. Den stood by the hole they had dug earlier, I stood off to the side with the camera around my neck, and everyone else stood behind me. I couldn't really look at everyone just watching, I was focused inward. Den thanked everyone for coming, said obviously we're planting this tree in honor of Devin. Then he put it in the hole and started filling dirt around the roots. No one spoke. I cried silent tears as I watched him, just thinking about Devin. Him burying the roots seemed so significant to me.... I thought about Devin being buried, the finality of it all, the goodbye. About how this wasn't how family was supposed to be gathering right now, this wasn't how it was supposed to end. Den put the dragon right by the base of the tree, and told everyone how I had picked it out to guard the tree.

It was quick.... soon everyone started breaking up a little bit. One of Den's neices knelt in front of the tree, praying. I am so not a religious person at all, but that really choked me up and just.... really felt good. She's only 7. But they seemed to get it.

Several family members gave me hugs and cried with me. I went inside and walked into the room with the memorial table. I just picked up his photo and stood there crying. I could barely see the photo through my tears. I just cried and cried. I could hear people look in behind me, I didn't move. Finally Den came in and put his arms around me. When I was done crying I wiped my cheeks and went into the kitchen. SMIL gave me a tearful hug and said, "Better days are coming." It was the perfect thing to say.

So really, everything went just so very very well. I feel peaceful tonight.

Photos from the memorial:

The table I set up.

A Willow Tree figurine given to us.

The sheep that was a gift from friends (sheep was Devin's "theme"....)

Devin's Dragon.

Us with Devin's tree.

2 IVF babies and 1 surprise!
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April 7th, 2008, 12:22 AM
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Oh, Nat it sounds like it was beautiful and so personal, the dragon guarding the tree is such a wonderful thing. I am so glad you had so many people there who have given you support through this journey.
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April 7th, 2008, 08:47 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
That is so beautiful! I'm glad you were able to have a service for him. I love the image of the little girl praying next to the tree. Kids often get it a lot more than even adults do. And the dragon is wonderful.

Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
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April 7th, 2008, 08:52 AM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
Posts: 9,385
It sounds like you had the 'service' you needed. Your friends and family came together to celebrate the life that you both created, and together as a unit, you planted a life to honor him. I love the visual image as well...children are so in tune with God and nature. If we could just take their lead sometimes...

I am glad you shared with us.
my thanks to Claire1979 for the awesome siggy!!
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April 7th, 2008, 08:54 AM
Coffee_Bean's Avatar Cuz I got it like that!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,392
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Nat, it sounds like it went beautifully. I really like the idea of the Dragon guarding his tree, and the little girl praying...priceless. Thank you so much for sharing.

Patiently TTC#2

M/C April 2012
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April 7th, 2008, 04:34 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,632
That sounds like a beautiful way to remember your sweet baby boy. I love the cute little dragon with one eye open. I bet the tree will be beautiful when it blooms. We planted one for Abby last year and I can't wait to see it bloom this year. Be sure to take picture of it with green on it and share it with us. I had the same feeling when dh buried the roots. Its hard to describe, but just wanted you to know that I know what you meant by that. Thanks for sharing with us.
Thank you Mistyx5 for my siggy.

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April 9th, 2008, 06:37 PM
CandiceN's Avatar Sam & Alex's mommy!
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NH
Posts: 6,835
It sounds beautiful. I am crying for you all.

My boys are my life.

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April 9th, 2008, 09:01 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: SW FL
Posts: 8,785
Sounds and looks beautiful. **hugs**
Leann <3 Hector
My trio: Alyssa 7, Tristan 4.75, Gavin 1.5

I am a mixture of all that and a bag of chips... IJS

Rest In Peace Jennifer <3

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April 15th, 2008, 03:31 PM
paganmom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Casselton, ND
Posts: 1,612
*hugs* It sounds like you had a beautiful service for Devin.
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April 15th, 2008, 07:35 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
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those are beautiful. thanks for sharing with us. what a pretty picture you gave us in our minds of that lil girl praying by the tree
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