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  #1  
April 9th, 2009, 04:43 PM
SimplyJenalee's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
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Hi Ladies-

First off...sorry I haven't been around as often! I have been crazy busy at work and when I come home I have been doing what I need to do around the house and going to bed!

Anyway...I need some advice. I lost Alyssa on December 1st....on December 29th my good friend had her baby girl Taylor (our babies were supposed to be best friends...). Anyway, She lives in South Dakota and I live in Michigan so we haven't seen each other since she moved there 2 years ago. I am going to visit her at her parents house this weekend and I am so nervous. Not nervous to see her...but to see her daughter. I have yet to be really close to another baby yet. I am not sure how I will react to seeing a baby that is only a month younger than Alyssa would be. I already talked to her and told her that I am not sure how I will react to Taylor since I haven't been around a baby that I know yet and she was sooo understanding but I guess I just don't know what to do. How did you guys react when you were around other babies that were around the same age? If anything I know its going to make me miss Alyssa sooooooooo much more than I already do because I will see "what could have been"...

Ugh....I hate that I (and anyone else) have to go through this. Its not fair. Right now I should have Alyssa right next to me.

Any advice would be appreciated...thanks in advance!
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  #2  
April 9th, 2009, 06:16 PM
Proud Momma
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,781
awww Jen. It hurts SO much that our babies aren't in our arms this very second

I actually don't have any close friends that have had babies since I lost Katrina. I know of a few people (acquaintances) that had their babies in January (both being girls) and it's really, really tough looking at their happy pictures on facebook because Katrina should be about a month older than them (if she had gone to term).

I think it's great that at least your friend is really understanding and there's no doubt about it, it is going to be extremely hard seeing your friend's baby - considering they should be about the same age. I'm sorry Jen, I don't really have any more advice. Babies in general make me really happy, so if I were in your shoes, I would think of it as more of a healing process. I don't know if that makes any sense b/c that's just how I see it. But it kind of gives me hope that, although Katrina's not with me, I can look forward to having a healthy baby one day.

Now I'm just going on and on and not even making any sense

big to you
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  #3  
April 9th, 2009, 06:25 PM
SimplyJenalee's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Michigan
Posts: 789
I totally get what your saying. I want to get to the point again where when I see a baby I get a huge grin on my face...right now I just get a sad look bc I think about Alyssa. I KNOW that part of my healing process will be able to see little babies again. Hopefully after this weekend I will have reached a new point in the crazy roller coaster of emotion im on. I am excited to see her and her baby and her 2 year old son i haven't seen since he was a newborn so I am hoping my excitement will hopefully win over my grief while I am with her. Thanks for your comment! it was perfect!
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  #4  
April 10th, 2009, 12:45 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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my friend had a baby a month after i lost jessica also and i thought id be fine but as it happens the father of the baby just placed the baby in my arms without realizing! and i was so upset i cried my eyes out there and then the parents just left me holding the baby on my own for a while while i was crying ( well apart from lee with me) it was so hard ill admit that i was so sad i wanted to hold jessica after the first initial holding it got easier and easier even now when i hold a newborn i skip a beat, having keeley was especially hard but i thought id hold keeley extra hard and extra long and give her jessicas hugs and kisses.

hun youll get throu this ( its actually really nice holding a baby after but incedibly hard trying to remember actually i dont know if that makes sence?).

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  #5  
April 10th, 2009, 09:42 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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I had a situation that was very similar to this. My best friend had a baby a month before Eva was due. The first time that I saw Kyle, I couldn't look at him. I tried, but I just couldn't do it. Then, when Gail was getting ready to leave, she had to put her shoes on so I held Kyle. I bounced him and talked baby talk to him in an effort to keep him happy (he makes strange), but it honestly felt like playacting. It gets better every time I see him but I'm not there yet. I have a funny reaction to all babies. Not only does it cause me pain, but it's like they are some unknown entity, something not of my world. I know that sounds really strange, but that is the only way I can describe it. I think it is just because I am hypersensitive to them. Anyway, enough rambling!
What I want to say is that nobody can tell you what to do or how to cope. Do what feels right for you and be honest and true to your emotions. If you are having a difficult time, admit it and accept it. Forcing yourself to be normal doesn't work, it only makes it more difficult. Be honest with your friend and don't feel guilty about your feelings/reactions. I am sure she will understand that it isn't personal, it isn't about her or her daughter, but that it is about YOU and YOUR daughter. Or, I could be completely wrong. Sometimes I feel like I am the last person to be giving advice. I will be thinking of you and hoping you are OK.
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  #6  
April 10th, 2009, 02:42 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
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How did I react? I guess the pictures will say it best


Cora and Katy were supposed to be best friends too. My best friend and I were pregnant together. Both babies even had red hair (*sigh*)


My advice? Let yourself feel what you feel. Don't feel like it'll be "dishonoring" the baby if you cry. I found it a relief actually, to sob for a few minutes, and then I could look at Katy and see Katy instead of seeing not-Cora.

Good luck honey. I don't think there's anything you can do to really prepare. Keep us posted.

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  #7  
April 11th, 2009, 02:33 AM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
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I haven't had to go through that.
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Thank you so much for the awesome siggie Claire
Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our lives will be fuller
Because we shared your moment
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  #8  
April 11th, 2009, 04:36 PM
SimplyJenalee's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Michigan
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Hey Ladies- Here is an update: Today went better than I expected. When I first got there I kinda paid lots of attention to the 2 years old and when I went into the other room where the baby was I started to cry...couldn't help it. But once I held her I got a sense of comfort and I was okay after that. I had a great time visiting...I was there about 4 hrs! I am really glad I was able to see her and spend time with her and her kids!
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  #9  
April 11th, 2009, 05:02 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
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That's how it was for me. Once I held little Katy for a while I came to peace with it. I'm so glad it went better for you than you thought.

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