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Help with helping son deal with grieving

Forum: Stillbirth


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April 10th, 2009, 02:34 PM
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 10
Our son, Michael (5yrs. old), was very much looking forward to being a big brother to his baby brother Santiago (Stillborn @32wks) but instead is having to learn how to deal with his grieving and watching us grieve too. What did you guys do to help your kids deal with the death of their sibling(s)? Every once in a while out of nowhere he'll let me know he is sad and misses his baby, he has asked me when we will have another baby, my poor little man has even asked me what we will do if our next baby dies. I feel horrible that he has to deal with all this, that as much as we wish that our kids aren't affected to find that they are hurt like us and are carrying these thoughts with them all day too. Any advise would be more than welcomed. Thank you.
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April 10th, 2009, 02:38 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I didn't have to deal with that, as my angel was my first baby, but I do believe that there is a sticky on resources you can look through for helping older children.

Good luck honey and prayers for your family (especially little Michael)
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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April 10th, 2009, 03:09 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
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lots of hugs and tears my son was 8 when i lost his baby sister and he took it quite well.
a few occasions he misbehaved alot more. and answer as many questions as u can.

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April 10th, 2009, 03:11 PM
AliciaF's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Southern Cali
Posts: 2,517
There is a book called "We Were Going To Have a Baby, But We Had An Angel Instead" that is pretty good for kids.

My kids were 5 and 7 when Clark died and my oldest took it pretty hard. I got them both teddy bears that are their Clark bears. They can hold the bear whenever they are sad or thinking of him. They both sleep with their bear every night. I also got a third bear for our next baby to have. I have the same bear as well.

I would just be there and talk to him when he needs to. It may continue for a while. Even now Conner will wake up in the middle of the night crying or just cry in the middle of the day.

All you can do is be there for him.

Thank you *Kiliki* for my perfect siggy Follow us on Facebook

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April 10th, 2009, 03:21 PM
Proud Momma
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,781
Sorry, I'm no help either as Katrina was also my first born. But like Brittanie said, I'm pretty sure there's a sticky on that and what Claire and Alicia said.

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April 10th, 2009, 04:04 PM
cam & sami's mom's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Guysville, Ohio
Posts: 681
Our situation was a little different too. The books we have for Samantha are "Where's Jess?" and "Sad isn't bad."

Cameron (3-3-99 to 10-30-08)
Samantha (11-15-03)
+ 6 angels


"You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

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April 11th, 2009, 01:15 AM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Edmonton, AB
Posts: 998
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sorry. I am no help here. We only have malachi

Thank you so much for the awesome siggie Claire
Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our lives will be fuller
Because we shared your moment
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grieving, loss, siblings, stillbirth, stillborn

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