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Reactions that surprised you

Forum: Stillbirth


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May 15th, 2009, 08:47 AM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,732
At my support group Wednesday, we talked about family reactions that surprised you. I thought I'd share here too.

I have 16 year old twin brothers. They were born when I was 13. They seemed sort of excited for the baby, but it was hard for them to be really excited because they are teenage boys.

A few days after we delivered Ethan (I was staying with my parents for a week), my brother Sam climbed into my lap like he did when he was little and teared up a little. He said "I never really realized I was going to be an uncle until Ethan was gone."

I think that is going to stay with me for a long time. Did anybody else get reactions that surprised you in a positive way?

Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!

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May 15th, 2009, 11:28 AM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
Oh that is so touching.

I was a little nervous having Den's neices and nephews at the memorial, because I didn't want anyone acting up - I didn't know how they were processing it all. Well the 12 yo nephews apparently demanded to go, for us, for their couin... And the 7 yo nieces knelt and prayed in front of Devin's memorial tree for him. That made me cry.

Also, Den's uncle, who is a little weird and the black sheep of the family, I didn't think he'd really care, but he hugged us and started crying! Turned out he lost a child - a 2 or 3 year old - many many years ago that I didn't even know about.

2 IVF babies and 1 surprise!
~*~ My Blog ~*~
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May 15th, 2009, 11:58 AM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
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That is very nice.
I haven't really had any family say things like that.

Thank you so much for the awesome siggie Claire
Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our lives will be fuller
Because we shared your moment
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May 15th, 2009, 12:13 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,732
So my mom has really, really flat feet. She's had to have a lot of surgery on them. When we gave my Dad the footprint memory card the OB nurse made for each set of grandparents, he said "Look at that foot arch! Thank goodness he didn't get his grandma's feet!" It was really nice to see that my Dad was treating Ethan like he was a grandson, and not just a lost pregnancy.

Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!

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May 15th, 2009, 02:12 PM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: DC, BC
Posts: 3,554
My grandparents bought a baby swing and donated it to the hospital in memory of Damian on his EDD (Christmas Day) I was completely shocked because they hadn't really acknowledged it until then.

Proud Mommy to Mattea Lilian born February 21st 2007 - 7lbs 14oz &
Owen Markus James born October 21st 2009 - 10lbs
Forever loving & Missing ~Damian~ born into heaven August 13th 2008
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May 15th, 2009, 04:41 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
Posts: 9,385
So many women have felt open enough to tell me about their still children.

Summer misses her brothers, and wanted to be a big sister so badly that you could see it in her eyes and you can see it in her face. It's grief. It's sweet to me.
my thanks to Claire1979 for the awesome siggy!!
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May 15th, 2009, 05:46 PM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,192
My younger brother is 19, but he was still 18 when I had Roald. I haven't seen him cry before Roald's funeral since he was litle and this really rotten kid on our elementary school bus told him I died one day (I had gone home early).

He and my mom had driven me to my OB appointment that day. He came into my hospital room that evening with my mom and when she started pulling her drama queen selfish bullcrap he totally told her off from me and she went storming out of the room.

He cried at the funeral; so did my brother-in-law. Especially at the graveside prayer before he was buried.

Afterwards my brother left a nice MySpace message in which he said he would miss little Roa (that's what he kept calling him when I was pregnant, because he didn't like the name Roald). He said he had looked forward to holding another nephew, but more importantly his sister's firstborn. Actually, my MySpace is public so if you'd like you can go there and scroll down to the comments around November 2008 and see it, it's really nice.

MySpace.com - The Bonster Monster - 24 - Female - Electric Cowboy, Pennsylvania - www.myspace.com/btchnkttnina57plymouth

That is so sweet about your brother Rebecca. It made me cry. And Nat also about your nieces.
Visit Terry & Roald's Memorial Site!

Thanks to Mommy2Belle for my Roald blinkie!
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May 15th, 2009, 08:12 PM
Proud Momma
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I would definitely say my father-in-law and my sister's husband.

On that fateful day where we had to make the decision to terminate or not, both my immediate family and DH's immediate family came with us for support. I was hysterical in the room, just sobbing out of control. Everyone else was crying but not nearly to the degree I was. Well the next day we had to tell DH's sister about what happened (b/c she was away and just came back the night before and had absolutely no idea anything was wrong). We went out for lunch to tell her and Jon's dad burst into tears and had a very hard time dealing with it. He was so heartbroken that his first grandchild wasn't going to make it.

When Katrina's funeral came, DH stood at the front and said his sister was going to say a few words. After she finished, his dad went to the front and sobbed over top her casket and told Katrina how he loves her so much and how he was looking so forward to being a grandfather and taking her for walks and looking after her. He said he has never been so heartbroken in his life. He had to leave the room for pretty much the rest of the funeral b/c he couldn't handle being in there. Now if anyone knows my fil, you would never , in a million years, expect him to cry or have too much emotion for that matter. He is a very serious man and it took me almost 3 years of knowing DH before I finally saw his dad smile. I cannot say how touched I was to see just how much he really cares for his granddaughter. It brought me to tears.

My b.i.l is such a great guy, but he likes to put on that tough exterior and act as if he doesn't care about much. On the day Katrina was born, my sister (who had stayed at the hospital with my mom the entire night), switched with her husband so she could go home with their kids so she could get some sleep. My b.i.l. kept wanting to hold Katrina and would cry and kiss her and whisper how much he loves his baby niece. And every time I saw him for a couple of months after we lost her, he was so caring and asked how I was doing - when most people would be afraid to ask, he wanted to make sure I was doing alright.

It's amazing how such a tiny baby can have such an amazing impact on so many people!

Last edited by LaLaLa1; May 15th, 2009 at 08:15 PM.
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May 15th, 2009, 09:08 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,732
One thing that was surprising was how other people who lost babies came out of the woodwork. At least a third of my friends and family and even coworkers told me about their own miscarriages, and a number of people told me that their parents or other family had had a stillbirth. No one talks about it until it happens to someone else I guess.

Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!

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May 16th, 2009, 09:21 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 696
My dad cried. Actually cried. No matter what has happened my whole entire life, my dad has not ever shed a tear. Even thinking about it makes me tear up. I'm praying he actually gets a grandson this time around. I don't ever want to see him have a reason to cry again. Not a sad one at least.
*A HUGE thank you to Maitri for my beautiful siggy!
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May 17th, 2009, 07:00 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,304
My dad was a surprise. I asked him to do the funeral service and he put a lot of thought and work into making it special for us. He had to stop at one point because he started crying when he mentioned holding Jake and I have never seen him cry.

I had the same experience as Rebecca, after losing Jake I heard so many stories about stillbirth.

Owen, Avery, Samantha and forever missing Jake born still 08/01/99.

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May 17th, 2009, 12:53 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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something that surprises me is my daughter she was 18 months when i lost jessica so was really young to understand what really happened, it was only the other day when her best friend told her mum that her and bethany had a serious talk today about how bethany really missed jessica and that she gets really sad cause she misses her loads she's 5 i teared up like nothing else

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