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Forum: Stillbirth


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May 16th, 2009, 08:46 PM
Proud Momma
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,781
I don't believe in superstitions (that's why I call them stupidstitions), but there is one that I just can't get over.

In Chinese culture, it is considered very unlucky to move or renovate while you're pregnant. Well of course, Jon and I moved ON the exact day I took a home pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant with Katrina. Now, Jon's family does NOT believe in these superstitions what-so-ever, but I know one guy that really does. He actually had the nerve to say to me that it was because we moved while I was pregnant is what caused Katrina to die. He told me: him and his wife had a m/c because they moved and someone he knew had a m/c because they moved.

I am not one to believe in this, but these stupid irrational thoughts keep fluttering in my brain and it drives me insane. I sometimes wonder if we never moved, or just moved like 2 weeks earlier even, if she would still be alive today.

And I'm no idiot and know that millions of women move all the time when they're pregnant and have healthy pregnancies, but I guess b/c it happened to me and he just had to say that stupid comment, that I literally took it to heart and actually almost believed it

Do you ever have that feeling where, as irrational as it is, you just can't stop thinking that there may be some truth behind it?

Last edited by LaLaLa1; May 16th, 2009 at 08:51 PM.
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May 16th, 2009, 08:58 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 696
I feel the same way. I think when it comes to something as completely unlucky as losing a baby, you consider so many factors and 'what if's' shall we call them, that you wouldn't normally consider. For me, I have 2 things that will always haunt me about baby Rob. One thing was that I couldn't decide what to call baby Rob. My husband is Rob, his dad is Bob, but I never knew what I would call the baby so I just called him my little man. Now I almost question myself that maybe it was never meant to be and that is why I couldn't decide what to call him. (please don't think I'm looney- I overthink things) The other thing is, when I was pregnant the last time, my ex-husband and I were fighting over money I owed him and he told me he hopes karma comes around and gets me. Those words are burned into my head for the rest of my life. I will always wonder and worry, was there something so bad I did to him that I deserved this? It's a miserable thought to live with, but one I will never get over. So long story, but bottom line, I totally understand how you feel. I only hope that both of us will someday find peace with these things.
*A HUGE thank you to Maitri for my beautiful siggy!
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May 16th, 2009, 09:18 PM
Proud Momma
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,781
Yea, see it's things like that, that we know didn't cause our loss, but we do think about the 'what if's' or 'if only . . .' Sometimes it drives me insane the crazy things I come up with and worry about.

don't worry, I don't think you're looney. But I guess if you are looney, then I am too lol.
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May 16th, 2009, 09:27 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 696
I'm glad that if I am looney, I have someone to be looney with
*A HUGE thank you to Maitri for my beautiful siggy!
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May 16th, 2009, 09:27 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,732
I suffered from hardcore, unrelenting, severe morning sickness. For 17 out of the 18 weeks I was pregnant. In my weaker moments, I thought of abortion. I was NEVER serious. NEVER EVER. I was just miserable. And then I lost Ethan. I thought (and sometimes still think, on bad days) that God was punishing me for thinking like that. But that's not how things work.

Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!

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May 16th, 2009, 10:49 PM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: DC, BC
Posts: 3,554
lol oh jeez this actually had me thinking "OMG I MOVED WHILE PREGNANT WITH D!" and then I realized I also moved while pregnant with Mattea & she's here and perfect. LoL it's amazing what your mind tries to grasp at for reasoning, isn't it?

Proud Mommy to Mattea Lilian born February 21st 2007 - 7lbs 14oz &
Owen Markus James born October 21st 2009 - 10lbs
Forever loving & Missing ~Damian~ born into heaven August 13th 2008
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May 17th, 2009, 07:20 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,304
I thought the same thing about moving, I moved with Jake and then remembered also with my 3rd and he was fine. I am not superstitious but I played that game of it happened because I did this or maybe it was that and when I was pregnant again I avoided things or repeated things. Of course I rationally knew none of this mattered but I still did it while I told myself I was being insane lol.

Owen, Avery, Samantha and forever missing Jake born still 08/01/99.

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May 17th, 2009, 10:37 AM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
Posts: 9,385
Not at all a stupidstition but I actually thought that since I didn't think I'd lose him, I wouldn't. HA freaking HA!
my thanks to Claire1979 for the awesome siggy!!
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May 17th, 2009, 10:54 AM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: United States
Posts: 20,689
I have had what-if thoughts too. When I found out I was pregnant this time, even though I had pretty much planned to be pregnant he was still not really planned. Evie hadn't even turned one yet. Colm was a surprise for my husband, and I feel almost guilty that I charted and knew there was a chance of pregnancy, but didn't tell my husband. Then once I was actually pregnant, there were moments when I didn't want to be. Times when I just thought it was too soon to be doing this again, what was I thinking? When my bck hurt so bad that I couldn't even stand up from the toilet. I had one moment where I thought aloud that I didn't want to be pregnant. Right away I thought I wanted the baby, just not the pregnancy. But, still I feel like it was my thoughts, that I caused this.

What-if, what-if, what-if....

When they persisted in questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let the person among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7
Sail Back to Me
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May 17th, 2009, 12:47 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
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i moved house when i was 15 weeks pregnant with jessica

our minds go in over drive trying to wonder why we lost our angels dont they?

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May 17th, 2009, 12:52 PM
Proud Momma
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,781
It's amazing the things we come up with!

Sorry, I didn't want to scare any of you about moving and pregnancy. We all logically *know* these things we did / thought isn't what led to the sad outcome.
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May 17th, 2009, 02:34 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Edmonton, AB
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I try not to think about the what ifs. I figure it will only make things worse.
I know that dh and i did what was best for our son. I try to remember that god did what was best for him as well. No matter how mad and upset i cannot dispute that fact.

Thank you so much for the awesome siggie Claire
Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our lives will be fuller
Because we shared your moment
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