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Forum: Stillbirth


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May 18th, 2009, 08:11 AM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: United States
Posts: 20,689
Tonight is Colm's wake. Some people have questioned why we are having a sevice for him that is not just for our immediate family. I don't know if they don't understand that he is still my son, or that my family s big and our friends are like family to us. We decided to do the wake based on a comment my brother's friend made on his facebook. Two of my brothers are serving overseas, one is on his way home and is in Kuwait. He has been deployed a few times and with each deployment there has been a significant loss in our family. So he commented about Colm and how it sucked. One of my other brother's friends commented that they were going to be there. And so I knew then that he was having a wake. We ar having a funeral mass too, well the priest called it a ressurection mass because he is already in Heaven.

How did those of you who have older children cope? Having them makes it easier in many ways, but I am having a hard time getting the energy and the desire to help them. Mikey missed his bus this morning, he wants to wear his baseball pants with the grass stained knees. I don't care, he can wear them...he looks like a ragamuffin. It seems so insignificant.

The boys want to see Colm's pictures, but I don't want them to have a bad experience with them. Even my brothers, they are teens don't want to see them. They both said that they have imagined what he looked like and don't want to have something else to remember hi by. So I don't know if I should show them. I think it imight be good, but could be bad too. I have one I am thinking of having touched up and then maybe will let them see that one.

When they persisted in questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let the person among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7
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May 18th, 2009, 08:46 AM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
Posts: 9,385
I can't answer right now because I'm at work, but I've always had the philosophy that the older ones, 9 and 7, shoudl know who their brothers are. It sticks with them, but they internalize it and deal. THe three year old has been shielded for the most part.
my thanks to Claire1979 for the awesome siggy!!
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May 18th, 2009, 09:21 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
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i have pictures of jessica up in my house the kids see them all the time they dont say anything each of them have asked for a little wallet pic each and they took it to bed for a while

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May 19th, 2009, 08:39 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,192
I think it goes on a case-by-case basis. While I think children should be told when a baby dies, when it comes to showing them pictures of a premature stillborn baby, I think it could leave some children with nightmares. My ten year old niece wants to see pictures of Roald, but I won't show them to her for this reason: even though he was beautifully and wonderfully made by God, she is just a child and she has preconceptions of what a baby will look like. In a few years she would be able to handle it alot better. I think children under 10, 11 might be shocked by the vision of a tiny baby who is red or discolored and possibly having peeling or collapsing.

But then again, I don't have older children and like Claire said, her children see Jessica's pics and they seem to do fine.

I think as their mother you should just do what feels best to you for them.
Visit Terry & Roald's Memorial Site!

Thanks to Mommy2Belle for my Roald blinkie!
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