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What do you wish you had done?

Forum: Stillbirth


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May 28th, 2009, 03:55 PM
Delekatala's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Rhode Island
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I know that Eddy and I are very lucky. We got a lot of wonderful photos from NILMDTS, I gave Genevive a lovely bath. We spent a lot of time with her. But I still sit around thinking it wasn't enough. What regrets or wishes do you have?

My biggest is :

I wish I had done her foot and handprints myself. I would have done several sets and made sure they were perfect (the one set we got her hands are smudged). That way I could have a set for the scrapbook, and for a picture frame. one set just isn't enough.

I would have spent more time with her, We did spend a lot, but I knew I wasn't really ready to give her back. I felt pressured even though no one was pressuring me.
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May 28th, 2009, 06:07 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,732
I would have spent more time with him. And I would have smiled in at least one of the pictures. I thought I wasn't supposed to smile while holding in pictures.

As for NILMDTS - those jerks wouldn't come, because he was 18 weeks. My sister called and begged them, but Ethan was 2 weeks too early. One of these days I'm going to write them an angry letter.

Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!

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May 28th, 2009, 06:07 PM
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 244
I would have insisted they do his handprints.
I would have spent more time with him (I gave him back when his eyes started bleeding)
I think I should have unwrapped him but I also think that would have been hard because his skin was so badly damaged from him having been gone so long.

I was in such shock. I walked into the hospital thinking I had two healthy babies and was just getting checked out-to being told my son was dead and I'd be having an emergency c-section to deliver Logan and get Ella out alive. When I did get to hold him I'd just been through a c-section where I'd been drugged because I was freaking out, not to mention it was the middle of the night and I was absolutely mentally and physically exhausted and shocked..
b/g twins Logan and Ella
Logan stillborn, loved beyond measure

Journey to Logan video http://smilebox.com/playBlog/4e54597...314d673d3d0d0a
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May 28th, 2009, 06:40 PM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: United States
Posts: 20,689
My things I would have done differently had to do with before he was born. I would have gone in to get checked sooner when I felt his movements dwindling. But, I had an anterior placenta so I thought I just didn't feel him. I *know there was nothing they could do to save him, but I still wish I had done something, maybe they could have helped him live longer.

When they persisted in questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let the person among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7
Sail Back to Me
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May 28th, 2009, 07:00 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 696
I wish with all my heart that I would have taken a ton more pictures and would have undressed Robert and memorized every detail. I also wish I had taken more time with him and had him sleep in the same room with us. I wish I could've dressed him myself and put my own little hat on him... Oh what I would give to go back and see him again
*A HUGE thank you to Maitri for my beautiful siggy!
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May 28th, 2009, 08:02 PM
grlpisces's Avatar Dynamite w/ a laser beam
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I found it very, very difficult to concentrate fully on Noah when I finally did hold him. I had a C-section just two hours prior so that both Noah and Julia could be delivered. I was recovering back in the very delivery room they had checked me into when the perinatologist told me he couldn't find Noah's heartbeat. I was in a horrible frame of mind because I didn't expect to deliver two months early let alone hear that my son was dead.

* I wish I had known about NILMDTS.
* I wish I had more time to hold Noah (there was a limit because we had elected to have an autopsy performed on him).
* I wish I had taken pictures of ALL of him and not just his blanket-wrapped body.
* I wish I had his handprints; his hands and fingers were perfect.
* I wish I got to bathe him, to dress him, to kiss him more than I did
* I wish I didn't have to hear my OB tell the Anesthesiologist "call it" followed by the Anesthesiologists announcement of "10:41 a.m." I vividly remember that detail in the OR; it was when my OB delivered Noah.

Thank you to Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggie!

I'm Barb, Mom to Angel on Earth Julia Rose (7*22*08), her twin brother Angel in Heaven Noah (7*22*08), and rainbow baby Sydney Noelle (12*4*09).

*a special 'thank you' to all the blinkie creators for their talents*
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May 28th, 2009, 09:26 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I wish, oh I wish, that I had taken up my coworker on her offer to take my place at work the night she passed, so I could go to the hospital because I felt like something "wasn't right." I decided to just wait and see what happened in the morning. By morning, my baby was dead.

I wish I had known about NILMDTS.

I wish I had a picture of both me and DH holding her together.
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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May 28th, 2009, 11:19 PM
Proud Momma
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,781
I regret not holding her right away. The nurse asked me as soon as she was born if I would like to hold her first and then dress her or dress her first and then hold her and I said dress her first. I wish I had held her first and seen her entire body. It was so overwhelming for me at that moment and I couldn't think clearly and I had her cute little pink outfit ready that at the time I wanted her put in that right away. But I never took a look at her whole body and for that, I will forever regret I am so grateful that I did hold her head as I was literally giving birth (may sound weird, but it gave me comfort).

I also regret not having more photos of the 3 of us as a family. We have 2 I think and we both look so miserable (b/c like Rebecca said, we thought we weren't supposed to smile while holding her.) As much of a loss it is to us, she is still the joy in our lives, so I really, really wish I could have smiled in the pictures.) It's funny though, I was smiling the whole day while holding her (I made sure not to cry too much b/c I wanted to cherish every single moment), but as soon as the camera came out, I didn't think it would be appropriate to smile. grrr.

Last edited by LaLaLa1; May 28th, 2009 at 11:22 PM.
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May 29th, 2009, 01:32 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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i wish i had taken more pictures
i wish that id have gotton a clay print of her hands and feet
i wish id have undressed her i was frightened to do so
i wish id have bathed her
i could go on and on

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May 29th, 2009, 03:29 AM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
Posts: 9,385
I don't have too many with Jonah, except getting hand and foot casts, and not being able to keep him

With Marshall...well, it's a bad day, so I won't get started. I regret everything. I have NOTHING except a few measley pics
my thanks to Claire1979 for the awesome siggy!!
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May 29th, 2009, 07:24 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
I wish a lot of things too. I was on mag and so out of it! My eyes were so fuzzy I couldn't focus on him.
I wish I'd undressed him and looked closely at all of him.
I wish I'd known about NILMDTS
I wish I had pictures of me smiling with him
I wish I had a picture of my husband holding him (he didn't want one)
Lots lots more

Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
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May 29th, 2009, 08:30 AM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 6,834
I wish for a lot of things also.

I wish I could have gotten better pictures. The disposable camera that the hospital used gave me a bunch of crappy pictures. The nurse taking the pictures didn't do a good job either. I would have liked to have taken my own pictures.

I wish I knew I could have given them an outfit to put them in. The hospital just wrapped them in blankets.

I wish I spent more time with them. I was so scared. I held them before I was transferred to my room for the night, but the nurse wouldn't leave me and DH alone and I didn't like that.

I wish I could have gotten better footprints too.

There's so much more and I don't want to drone on for too long.

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