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a little choked...

Forum: Stillbirth


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August 16th, 2009, 04:30 PM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: DC, BC
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This is someones reply to hearing D's story:

"wow. I am so sorry that you and your family had to go through that. I know I could go on about how it was gods design and that it was his moment to be here but I won't. Mourn him and appreciate his life that he gave. I am most certain that your little boy would have been pretty tenacious and outgoing like little Mattea. His life was sacrificed to give you this new baby!"

....I'm sorry, what?? A. I don't believe in God - and you shouldn't assume I want to hear your religious views on my life/situations. His life was not sacrificed for this baby... what the hell does that even mean.... ugh. I'm a lot thrown off.

Proud Mommy to Mattea Lilian born February 21st 2007 - 7lbs 14oz &
Owen Markus James born October 21st 2009 - 10lbs
Forever loving & Missing ~Damian~ born into heaven August 13th 2008
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August 16th, 2009, 06:24 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hmm, I think they are trying to say something nice, but wow. Not nice at all. What a complete idiot. Very obviously someone that should have just kept their mouth SHUT!

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August 16th, 2009, 06:53 PM
Proud Momma
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Posts: 3,781
yea that is a bit weird to say. I wouldn't say D's life was sacrificed for this baby you're carrying now, that's just stupid. But I agree with Beth that I think the person was *trying* to say something nice, but sure as he11 came out completely wrong and offensive.

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August 16th, 2009, 09:20 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
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I would have to agree with the other ladies.
Some ppl need to think before they speak/write

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August 17th, 2009, 05:58 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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, people who try to be nice after hearing about a loss try too hard and end up saying something so wrong im sorry u had to hear that hun, hugs

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August 17th, 2009, 08:18 AM
Jaidynsmum's Avatar Dreams do come true....
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The insensitive idiot should have stopped before uttering that last sentence. What was said before that, whether you believe in God or not, sounds like it has come from the heart, but that last statement cuts through the heart. How dare someone imply that a baby's life was sacrificed for a sibling. I'm afraid I think I would have 'went off on one' is anyone had dared say such a thing to me.
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August 17th, 2009, 11:15 AM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I do think she was trying to be nice - but boy, did she miss the mark!

I'm still not entirely sure what shes meaning by it was 'gods design and his moment to be here'.. I'm taking it like "god made him that way for a reason" and that I shouldn't have ended the pregnancy because of it. So Not Cool.

Proud Mommy to Mattea Lilian born February 21st 2007 - 7lbs 14oz &
Owen Markus James born October 21st 2009 - 10lbs
Forever loving & Missing ~Damian~ born into heaven August 13th 2008
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August 17th, 2009, 11:25 AM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yikes!!! That is so messed up. I'd probably tell her to never say anything like that again. Ever. To anyone. How offensive.

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August 17th, 2009, 11:42 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
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I'm still trying to figure out what she was thinking. My reaction is "what?" and still is through reading all the responses.


Yeah, some people just don't think through how what they are saying sounds, I think.

I think she realized that everyone saying "God has a reason" doesn't help...even those of us who believe in Him. But what she went on to say was even worse than that...I mean if she HAD said "God has a reason" you could have just shrugged it off.

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August 17th, 2009, 12:01 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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I guess some people think it's better to give their opinion or make comments about something they know nothing about then to stay quiet.

Owen, Avery, Samantha and forever missing Jake born still 08/01/99.

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August 17th, 2009, 12:01 PM
Aeterna's Avatar Super Speshil
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I'm sorry she said that. I despise pious platitudes and terms of endearment that clearly miss the mark. It's quite presumptuous for someone to assume I believe in their deity or deities. I don't take kindly to it. I try to ignore it and realize many people don't utilize the filter that goes between one's mouth and one's brain.
G 12.04 | E 11.06 | D 11.08 | H 12.09 | R 11.14 | Expecting #6 2.17.18.

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August 17th, 2009, 12:47 PM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I definitely think she is one of those people who doesn't just want to say I'm sorry because she probably thinks it sounds unmeaningful and cliche. But I don't know quite what she was trying to say, even though it seems like she was trying to be nice.

The part about him being sacrificed is a big no no. It sounds very cruel and just....wrong to say. My one grandmother-in-law made the comment when Roald died "maybe he died so that you could concentrate on your other one" UMMM... The other one is my stepson, not my child. And he is also an adolescent and really even with all his behavioral problems there is no fathomable reason I can think of that God would create Roald in my womb then viciously cause his death to prove some sort of distorted point that only my stepson matters and our entire lives should revolve around him????? (I believe God allowed Roald to pass away when he saw that was what was happening because some good could come out of it and He had plans for Roald that were bigger than a life here, even if I never know or understand or truly accept what those reasons are) Like *** people. Sometimes the stuff they say just doesn't make sense.

But that being said I do believe in God but even so I am weary to assume that other mothers who have lost children do too. I will openly speak my beliefs but I never like to make an assumption (I wait until I hear what they have to say) that they are Christian or any other religion for that matter.

I just still have no idea what she could have meant by this whole comment. It just seems jumbled and vague and really nonsensicle (did I spell that right).
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August 18th, 2009, 07:47 AM
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 244
good grief! his life sacrificied for this baby? Is that supposed to make you FEEL better?

UGH! I'm so sorry. Those comments are beyond hurtful. they may be 'intended' to help, but they freaking DON'T!
b/g twins Logan and Ella
Logan stillborn, loved beyond measure

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