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that sad look

Forum: Stillbirth


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August 16th, 2009, 07:03 PM
Proud Momma
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,781
So I was grocery shopping with Jon earlier today and I was walking down an aisle looking for Kraft Dinner (my newest craving ) and there were some young kids, probably around 2 or 3 years old, just playing near their parents in the aisle. I saw this other lady, maybe around my age, with her husband or bf, and she was watching the kids with that *look* on her face. We all know that look because we've all been there and done it. That sad look you make when you're watching kids play and you have that sad look in your eyes because that's what you should have.

Then she saw me standing there and I may only be 9 weeks, but I'm sure as he11 already showing, and I saw her staring at my stomach with that same pained look in her eyes.

Now, I could be totally off here and I could be making things up, but if I had to guess I would say they were either trying, were having a difficult time conceiving, or had recently lost a baby. I could just tell by that look in her eyes and it made me so sad for her I so wanted to tell her about my pain to get to where I am right now but obviously I wouldn't just go up to some stranger and do that!

So I was wondering if soon after we lost Katrina and all those many months we were ttc, if other people were able to notice that *look* in my eyes as well? I know I did it a lot, but whether it was noticeable or not, I'm not sure.
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August 16th, 2009, 09:17 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
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I am sure that I had/have that look on my face

Thank you so much for the awesome siggie Claire
Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our lives will be fuller
Because we shared your moment
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August 16th, 2009, 10:08 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
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I have this look. I've been noticing lately than I keep staring at pregnant women a lot or women with infants and toddlers. I wish I could control it and not do it but it's just hard at the moment.

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August 17th, 2009, 06:01 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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im sure we have hun, i often wonder hugs

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August 17th, 2009, 09:23 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
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I've seen that look. I've seen that look when women look at me and my babies, and I just wish that they could see that I've been there too. I remember doing that, and being so angry at so many people because they were frustrated with their kids. And now that I HAVE a cranky two year old, I'm quite sure that I judged them too harshly. So now I just try to react to my kids in a way that they can see how much I appreciate my babies, even when they're melting down in the grocery store aisle.

Anyway, sorry to go off on a tangent.

I had someone ask me once if I was okay when I was looking at her kids like that. She had 3 boys and was pregnant again. She asked, so I told her, and it turned out that she had had a couple of miscarriages and lost twins in her second trimester before any of her living kids were born. It ended up being a really great experience, so I'm glad she got the courage to say something.

((of course, I was the walmart pet dept. associate, and she was getting fish, so it wasn't so strange for her to talk to me))
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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August 17th, 2009, 11:22 AM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I know I definitely had that look, and I still do sometimes. When I see moms with their babies I automatically think, jeez she's so lucky. I just assume she's had an easy time, even though I Know I shouldn't.

Proud Mommy to Mattea Lilian born February 21st 2007 - 7lbs 14oz &
Owen Markus James born October 21st 2009 - 10lbs
Forever loving & Missing ~Damian~ born into heaven August 13th 2008
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August 17th, 2009, 06:20 PM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,192
Yeah I get that look still when I see baby boys or people pregnant shopping for baby stuff. Sometimes, especially in baby stores and at the doctor's office i nthe waiting room, I just want to wear a sign that says what we've been through. Not for attention, but because now it feels like it's really invisible. I felt that way alot in the first months after I had Roald, and I'm sure I looked so rundown and miserable, especially around anything pregnancy or baby related. I'm always wondering when I see other women if they've been through something similar.
Visit Terry & Roald's Memorial Site!

Thanks to Mommy2Belle for my Roald blinkie!
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August 17th, 2009, 08:31 PM
Gayle's Avatar Veteran
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I'm sure you were right on target. I know I had that look and its a look you never forget and you can spot anywhere. It's the look you see that makes your heart break right away and go right out to them even when you dont know the story. It's so hard.

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