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Stupid hormones

Forum: Stillbirth


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August 26th, 2009, 08:37 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,732
I'm TTC. I have fertility problems, so we are using injectible fertility drugs and IUI this cycle. And these hormones are not helping my grief.

I've done remarkably well with my grief. Don't take my word for it - my therapist and psychiatrist say so. But I've hit a stumbling block the last few days. The meds are making me hormonal, so I am REALLY missing Ethan. I shouldn't be TTC at all! I should be caring for a 2 month old! But my arms are empty. Ethan is gone. And it is so hard.

As if that weren't enough, my SIL is pregnant. When is she due? THIS WEEK! I have been so happy for her and so excited for my new niece, but it's a little sad too. We were pregnant together for a little while (though she didn't announce it until after Ethan was born). Her baby would have had a cousin just a few months older. My niece, her daughter, asked me today if I had a "little sister" in my tummy too. "Maybe soon" I told her. But I miss my little guy, I just miss him so much.

I'd like to think that it will get easier when I finally get pregnant. But I know better than that.

Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!

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August 26th, 2009, 09:11 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Edmonton, AB
Posts: 998
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I know how hard that can be.
I don't know how i would handle that.
you are in my thoughts

Thank you so much for the awesome siggie Claire
Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our lives will be fuller
Because we shared your moment
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August 27th, 2009, 07:50 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,192

I don't think we have to be hormonal to hit a stumbling block, but they can make it worse sometimes. My oldest sister refused to tell her sons (10 and 8) that Roald was dead after he died and so for months afterward (especially the first two motnhs) they kept touching my stomache, asking me if I had the baby yet, etc. It drove me nuts and I got really resentful toward my sister.

If one of my sisters were having a baby after I lost him and I wasn't yet I would be upset, I won't lie. I love my nice and nephews and would love more, but the timing like that would hurt alot. And those feelings after the EDD of how if nothing had gone wrong they should really be here...Those thoughts make me so sad.
Visit Terry & Roald's Memorial Site!

Thanks to Mommy2Belle for my Roald blinkie!
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August 27th, 2009, 08:32 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,095
I can only speak from my own experience, but I have felt (and still feel) everything you are. As for doing well with your grief, I think you still are. Grief is a roller-coaster. Sometimes you are dealing well and moving forward, and sometimes you are back at square one and are angry and unbelievably sad.
I hope you get your bfp soon. You deserve it.

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August 27th, 2009, 01:02 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,732
Thanks guys. It's nice to hear that what I am feeling is normal. I hate that we all have to ride this rollercoaster.

Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!

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August 27th, 2009, 04:33 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
From experience - it DID feel a lot more manageable when I was pregnant again. It didn't feel quite so overwhelming... it wasn't this double whammy of grief and frustration, there was some happiness to hold onto. Struggling the way you are now... it's only normal to feel it double as much. Emotions spill over into each other, and the grief from TTC really does add to the grief of loss.

2 IVF babies and 1 surprise!
~*~ My Blog ~*~
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August 28th, 2009, 08:01 AM
grlpisces's Avatar Dynamite w/ a laser beam
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 32.918289,-97.272266
Posts: 1,758
I wish this process were easier for you

Thank you to Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggie!

I'm Barb, Mom to Angel on Earth Julia Rose (7*22*08), her twin brother Angel in Heaven Noah (7*22*08), and rainbow baby Sydney Noelle (12*4*09).

*a special 'thank you' to all the blinkie creators for their talents*
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