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Joey's 1st Angelversary (**living children mentioned**)

Forum: Stillbirth


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April 4th, 2010, 07:46 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 982
So today was Joey's first angelversary....and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm not sure what I was expecting. I think yesterday was worse actually, because we actually found out on 4.3 that Joey had died then we were induced that night and he was born on the 4th. Also, I am naturally a very happy person. I dont' *like* to be sad...not that anyone really does, but I just can't do it for long periods of time I get frustrated.

We went away this weekend and it was awesome. So relaxing. Ds1 was amazing! Well behaved, everything. We went to Mystic Seaport yesterday which is basically an old whaling village that is now a *museum* of sorts. ds was in heaven *figuratively*...okay maybe a bad analogy based on this situation..... but it was just so cool. We had an amazing dinner last night and set stuff up *from the easter bunny* last night. He left footprints going from our hotel room to my parents' hotel room and there were a couple small gifts in each room. we had SUCH a blast hearing his reaction and how excited he was. There is nothing like a happy kid to brighten your day. We had a nice breakfast then went to some outlet stores where (luckily) Carter's and OshKosh were open! Also nothing to brighten your day than shopping...it is great therapy. And what better thing to buy on such a potentially sad day than things that help us look towards the future, things that help us be hopeful....We got a BUNCH (like spent way too much money) on baby girl clothes for our sweet Felicity who will be joining us within the next 6-9wks! We've looked at them all about 3 times since we went shopping they are so cute...after having nothing but boy things around for the last 6yrs it is very exciting. And as apprehensive as I am about going too crazy, preparing too much, having too many things becuase I know that a baby is not garunteed...I need to do this. I need to be excited for our little girl. Because if anything happened to her, I think I would regret not having that excitement (you know how loss mommies find any little reason to blame themselves).

Then we went to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid...SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny! Totally worth it. Ds liked it but I think we, the adults laughed harder than he did. Definitely Recommend it!!

Then we came back to our hometown and went to the cemetary. I got a little angel child sitting reading a book for Joey...I felt I needed to pus something new there on his birthday...sort of like a birthday present. It looks adorable there especially since we dont' have a headstone up yet. And across the street from the cemetary is the park that I grew up playing at...so of course we went across and let ds play. It is so special, because it is the place we can be with all of our children together.

I miss Joey so much. On the way home from Mystic we programmed the GPS and out of the 3 ways it could have directed us home, it took us right next to the hospital where we delivered Joey. Never expected to be back there today. Weird. And sad. Lots of memories. I wanted that little boy oh so very much. I love being the mommy of my little guy Jamie, and I had looked so forward to snuggling with my 2 boys...to seeing what sort of trouble they would get themselves into....just everything. In some ways I'm still trying to process everything. In some ways I've given up on being sad. I still cry once in awhile, but I didn't really cry today. I allowed myself to, instead of wallowing in the sadness of missing my baby boy, I was grateful for the time I have with my living son Jamie, and for this precious time I have with my baby girl Felicity. Pregnancy is so sacred to me now...I cherish every kick, every time Jamie comes over and kisses my tummy, everytime he says he loves his sister and he can't wait to snuggle with her, everytime my husband talks about his daughter and every little sleeper he is buying that says "Daddy's Little Girl" or something like that...and boy did he get a lot of them today! Everytime I turned around he had another one in his hand. I *think* he might be excited lol.

My way of coping is to focus on the good...what time I did have with Joey, how precious life is, and I don't want to miss a moment of Jamie or Felicity because in a moment they could be gone too...and I think Joey would be proud of me.

Anyway. That's sort of part of my reflection for the day...I have much more going through my head that I just can't put into words (hotel bed sucked lol, very tired). Thanks for listening. And most of all, thanks to all of you that have been here this past year....hearing all your stories, receiving your good thoughts and prayers, words of comfort and even just fully admitting that this sucks and there is no other way to put it...because so many others don't want to face the issue. They don't want to know REALLY what we are feeling as angel mommies...they just want everything to be okay. But I can be myself with you ladies, and I am so grateful that you are here to help me and others through what is truly our darkest hours.

Happy birthday angelbaby Joey. Mommy loves you and misses you so so much. I will be forever wishing I could hug and kiss you just one more time, but one more time would never be enough. I can't wait to hold you again when I get to heaven one day!
Married to my best friend Tom since 2004 (together since 1999)
Mommy to two little boys:
Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010

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April 5th, 2010, 06:01 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
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your post is just beautiful hun.

happy 1st angelversary joey, sweet angel baby

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April 5th, 2010, 08:13 AM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: United States
Posts: 20,689
Sounds like it turned out well. I m dreading our first anniversary next month.

When they persisted in questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let the person among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7
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April 5th, 2010, 08:16 AM
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((hugs)) I'm glad you had a decent day. I was hoping everything would be okay!
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April 5th, 2010, 08:49 AM
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I'm glad you had a good day. Happy 1 year angelversary sweet Joey.
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April 5th, 2010, 06:40 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,710
Sounds like such a lovely time.
Happy Birthday Joey!
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April 5th, 2010, 07:31 PM
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agreed thats so beautiful and honest! hugs to you today!
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April 5th, 2010, 10:29 PM
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 30
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Glad you were able to make he best of this day. Happy birthday angel baby Joey!
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April 6th, 2010, 09:08 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 1,760
Happy first angelversary, Joey!

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