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Here we go again (preg. mentioned)

Forum: Stillbirth


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August 19th, 2010, 04:46 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 829
I know Heather is here with me too.

Ever since it was mentioned on the Sept. '10 DDC that another angel mommy was only talking about her losses for attention, I've pretty much stopped mentioning him.

I feel like I'm taking 1 step foreword and 2 steps back though. I still cry when I talk about Keegan, I have finally gotten to the point where instead of feeling extreme depression when he was mentioned I felt pride and was happy.

Now that overwhelmed feeling is coming back, I'm 35 weeks pregnant, and here I am happy because a year and a half ago I thought would never be a mom to a living baby, and #2 is practically here. I was told yesterday by my OB that if I was to go into labor now, they wouldn't stop it.

But now the depression of never knowing who he would have been, etc. is creeping back. I left a facebook status last night about mom's of angel babies and my grandparents called jumping on me, talking about not dwelling on the past and how I shouldn't talk about him anymore. I'm annoyed and mad and it's not like I still sit here crying over him every day. I still miss him, I still love him. I still consider him to be part of my life and I always will.

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August 19th, 2010, 07:06 PM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Beaverbank, Nova Scotia
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You are allowed to talk about him!
I talk about Rebecca 7 years later

if someone tells you to stop dwelling on the past - tell them to cut their arm open and let it bleed and don't stop it - see how it hurts and how it still bleeds and bleeds - that is how my heart feels - never ending pain - no matter how many hours, weeks, months or even years pass
Marsha's Girlfriend

My Kiddos
Chloe (14),
Benjamin (9)
Logan (6), Kaitlin (3)

εϊз Some People Dream of Angels But I Held One In My Arms εϊз
Rebecca Lee Stillborn 10-30-03
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August 19th, 2010, 08:36 PM
Gayle's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Lower Alabama
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I'm so sorry. I have that problem with my inlaws. They think its crazy that we talk about her all the time. They wont wear grandparents shirts that we had made for them with her name on it only older ones that dont include her. They were all upset today and didn't even mention her birthday except to say well we never know what to say so we just dont want to say anything. I think its great that you still talk about him. If it helps go on and do it. I'm so sorry again.

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August 19th, 2010, 11:21 PM
HopefulMommy81's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: California
Posts: 5,640
I'm new, and my loss of Matthew is still quite new, but I can't imagine ever forgetting about him or not talking about him. In my opinion, if it makes people uncomfortable, I honestly don't really care. I mean, I know that sometimes it's probably not the best time, but I can imagine that especially being so close to giving birth again you would probably be thinking about your little angel more and more and I think most people should understand that. hon! We're all here for you!

Annalise is hoping to be a big sister on June 28, 2014. Forever missing her big brother, Matthew, stillborn on July 1, 2010.

Last edited by HopefulMommy81; August 19th, 2010 at 11:25 PM.
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August 19th, 2010, 11:45 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
Posts: 9,385

Oh sweetie! I am already feeling it too. The excitement over Hannah is overwhelming, and it's making me sad because we never got to feel it over the boys.
my thanks to Claire1979 for the awesome siggy!!
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August 20th, 2010, 12:11 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
In a way it makes me sad that my parents and grandparents understand. It's great that they're supportive, but they only are because they've been through it. I am glad that they let me talk about her though.

My MIL is awkward about it. She never mentions her on her own, and is obviously uncomfortable when I bring her up.

It was always worse for me when I was close to delivery. It brings it all back, I think.
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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August 20th, 2010, 02:58 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
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aww hun im so sorry, but the response was out of order! it makes me so upset i dont understand how anyone can just expect us to forget about our angels!

hugs ((()))

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August 20th, 2010, 07:33 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,924
I talk about Seth and it's been 8 years. I probably talk about him more now that I'm pregnant just because the memories are closer to the surface. It does feel different now. There isn't the how will I go on desperation that I felt shortly afterward, but I miss him still and think about him often.

I'm sorry that your grandparents are being insensitive that way.

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August 20th, 2010, 08:27 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 1,760
I talk about Eric all the time but to dh only. Everyone else close to me don't get it why I have to talk about him, since I am pregnant now. But I will talk about him as long as I live.

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August 20th, 2010, 10:32 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,710
I can't imagine how upset I would be if I got that kind of response. *Hugs* You have every right in the world to talk about your boy. It's not living in the past, it's remembering a member of your family.
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August 20th, 2010, 07:44 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
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I can't image not talking about my sweet malachi.
I talk about him to anyone that will listen.
I will always think of him. He is our first born.
I'm sorry you family said those things


Thank you so much for the awesome siggie Claire
Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our lives will be fuller
Because we shared your moment
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August 20th, 2010, 07:55 PM
austinmommy3's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 2,056
I still talk about Makenzie and it's been 13 years. I agree with Brittanie that being closer to delivery makes it hard. That was an extremely unkind comment to be made to any mother who has had to say goodbye to their baby way too early.

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