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How to help Mady

Forum: Stillbirth


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August 22nd, 2010, 07:24 PM
Dacontay4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: WI
Posts: 2,218
I know Kay's death hit my oldest Mady, 10 years old, the hardest of my kids. She went to the hospital and held her; before her death she had been making her a blanket that we put her on when she was born. I don't know that I realized just how hard it hit Mady until recently. I am expecting again, and she's doing absolutely EVERYTHING to make sure I don't lose this one too. Making sure I'm resting all the time, taking over a lot of the kids care and googling all sorts of things about pregnancy. I'm extremely afraid that if I lose this one (it's very high risk) that Mady will think she should have done more.

Today I caught her in my closet, she had climbed on a chair to pull the box of Kay's things off the top shelf, where I keep it because I can't bear to look at it all the time...it's full of pictures of Kay, the blanket Mady made, ultrasound photos, Kay's death certificate, and an embroidery of her name. I can't bear the reminders staring me in the face every day, I think about her constantly as it is anyway but I put her things away because I couldn't bear to have them out. I think maybe Mady needs to see them...we talk about Kay sometimes but I always break down when we do, and really I don't know what to do for Mady.
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August 23rd, 2010, 02:16 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
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aww hun maybe she could do ith speaking to someone? like a grief counsellor x

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August 23rd, 2010, 05:25 AM
Dacontay4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: WI
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She saw a child psychiatrist up until July, when she went to camp. She'll be going back to her in a few weeks so maybe that'll help her get through it a little. It's like it all came out when I told her I was pregnant again, she doesn't want to go through what we went through with Kaydie, so she takes it upon herself to stop it.
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August 23rd, 2010, 07:57 AM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Beaverbank, Nova Scotia
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Benjamin came after Rebecca - and he has asked me for a picture of his sister in his room but I told him no because it is a lot for a 5 year old to take in - So I took him to a pottery place and we painted a butterfly for Rebecca and he now keeps that in his room.

you may want to sit down with her and tell her that Kaydie passing away was no one's fault that sometimes these things just happen - that each baby is different and give her a hug from all of us.

I hope that her counselling helps again come the school year.

hang in there!
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August 23rd, 2010, 10:01 AM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,732
I would try to find a children's support group, online there is none in your area, so she can talk with other kids.

My brother Nate was 16 when Ethan died, and he took it really hard. Worse, he's a bottle it up kind of kind. When I got pregnant he refused to have anything to do with the pregnancy. Grant's NICU stay didn't help.

But then he met his girlfriend. Just days before my LC Grant was born, her brother Garret was s/b at for unexplained reasons. They both have really benefited from having someone BTDT to talk to.

Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!

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