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skewed perspective

Forum: Stillbirth


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October 16th, 2010, 12:55 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
So I was taking the names off my candelabra, and my heart was just aching at each name. I was thinking about how many have had multiple losses, or had fertility problems before their loss (or both!). As I was pulling them off, I thought to myself how lucky I am to get Cora so easily, and to only have the one loss.

And then the cynical voice at the back of my head popped up. I thought, "I don't think anyone would consider having a baby die at 38 weeks lucky. I'm not sure what word describes it, but it's not lucky. The lucky ones are the ones who get pregnant easily, have flawless pregnancies and have never had a loss."

It made me realize just how far detached I am from the "normal" paradigm. I do consider myself lucky, really. I think about it and I just cannot comprehend what it's like for those who are truly lucky. I just really cannot wrap my mind around the fact that there are really people out there (like 2 of my bestest friends ever, one whose had 3 babies and no losses, and one who is pregnant with her 3rd [due in december] and has no problems [and hopefully won't]) that seriously have no problems.

I guess that's what I get for 98% of my social interaction being in loss communities.
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

Last edited by Brittanie; October 16th, 2010 at 01:00 PM.
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October 17th, 2010, 02:54 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
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i know, people say that im lucky for having 5 healthy children!!! they have never had a loss either.

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October 17th, 2010, 09:09 AM
Dacontay4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: WI
Posts: 2,218
I consider myself lucky too. I did lose 2 precious babies but I've never had fertility issues and I'm so thankful for that. I was able to have healthy babies after my first, and I am still pregnant even through all the risks with my second. I agree with you, completely. I cannot fathom what other ladies are going through; though my sister said the same thing to me a few weeks ago.
Wife to David
Mommy to Mady, Connor, Taylor, Grier, Chandler, Evalyn, Bryce and Jude
2 sweet angels born straight into Jesus' arms:
Mason Charles (1/3/05) and Kaydence Faith (4/30/10)

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October 17th, 2010, 10:48 AM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,732
Every night I pray to God to make me worthy of the gifts he has given people, and given my losses and my own personal issues people are pretty surprised at that. I mean, even my living child almost slipped through my arms. And we're so fortunate that he has no long-standing problems, his NICU stay is entirely in the past. And I may have had multiple losses, but I at least had one baby born alive, not everyone over at RPL is so lucky. And there are women who lost their ability to bear children along with their stillborn child. I can (and did) have more if I want.

I guess now that I've met people with far worse personal tragedies I realize how bad bad can be.

Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!

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October 17th, 2010, 02:40 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
Yeah.... I think when you've had something horrible happen to you you also realize how many other horrible things could have happened in your life, but didn't. I feel lucky that I am healthy, that my daughter is healthy (the fact that she is seems so amazing and surprizing to me), that my husband is a good person and great father and he's healthy too... that I have both parents, a sibling, good family support..... there is so much about my life that went well and I didn't even notice.

But yeah, I can't even wrap my head around having babies easily and all alive. Just no concept of it.

2 IVF babies and 1 surprise!
~*~ My Blog ~*~
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October 17th, 2010, 11:54 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,710
It was absolutely heartbreaking to lose Lucy, but it in no way takes away from the countless things in my life I have to be grateful for. I feel like I have lived an incredibly blessed life.
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October 18th, 2010, 09:13 AM
Posts: n/a
I feel lucky too. I have only had one loss and am able to get pregnant easily. Now, losing Eli was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever had to go through but seeing women lose multiple babies I realize just how blessed I am.
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