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December 12th, 2010, 09:36 AM
Aeterna's Avatar Super Speshil
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: the edge of reason
Posts: 1,721
I've been thinking a lot lately about what to say when asked "when did it happen?" or when he comes up in conversation. Naturally the conversation turns to what happened and all that. Is it wrong or inaccurate to claim infant loss when a child never takes a breath? I've seen some state they lost their [stillborn] infant son/daughter. Sometimes I think the term 'stillborn' invalidates the loss. Like the babies that were born sleeping weren't infants or babies because they didn't live outside the womb. I get the feeling that if I say Duncan was born still others might think to themselves "He wasn't a real baby so it doesn't really apply to him." But then I don't know what to say to avoid this. Like had he lived minutes or hours he would have magically gained 'infant' status. I actually called a woman out in a debate recently that said stillborn babies aren't 'real' children like babies lost later on.

I really, really don't like the terms 'stillborn' or 'stillbirth.' They sound so cold and clinical.
G 12.04 | E 11.06 | D 11.08 | H 12.09 | R 11.14 | Expecting #6 2.17.18.

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December 12th, 2010, 10:44 AM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 11,772
Originally Posted by Aeterna View Post
I really, really don't like the terms 'stillborn' or 'stillbirth.' They sound so cold and clinical.

I feel the same way! I hate the term, but I do use it and everytime it kind of stings my heart...I don't want to be asked how old she was, or how it happened, so I just say my daughter was stillborn
Forever Missing My Baby Girl Ella Grace
Born Sleeping October 14, 2009

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December 12th, 2010, 01:47 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
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i agree i always say jessica was born sleeping

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December 12th, 2010, 07:08 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,732
I sometimes say that he died during labor. He did die during labor. I just leave out the part about that if we left him in there any longer, he would have died in there and then been born.

Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!

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December 13th, 2010, 09:35 AM
AndyBee's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Gresham, OR
Posts: 692
I say he passed during birth, but I too like "born sleeping"

Special thanks to AlexAiden Mommy for my precious siggy
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December 13th, 2010, 12:37 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Edmonton, AB
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I say that our son died during labour which is the truth.
He died partway through the delivery

Thank you so much for the awesome siggie Claire
Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our lives will be fuller
Because we shared your moment
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December 13th, 2010, 05:21 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I tell people she was stillborn. I feel like it would be dishonest to say anything else. She died before she was born. I never got to see her alive. I've had people say "at least it didn't happen later" and I tell them exactly how I feel about that. I feel like I'm "educating" them I guess, to help them realize that just because she never took a breath didn't mean that she wasn't living and she wasn't my child as much as Erin or Patrick.
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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