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family gathering on Mother's Day

Forum: Stillbirth


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April 30th, 2011, 02:57 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 592
I had planned on staying home this Mother's Day. I'm pretty sure I won't be good company. However my Mom just informed me that the local extended family will be getting together. On the one hand I feel like I ought to go to honor my grandma and mom. On the other I really don't think I'll be doing well emotionally on that day and I kind of resent that no one seems to have considered the possibility.

How do you handle it? What do you think you'd do if you were me?

Mary Elizabeth stillborn at 26 weeks
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April 30th, 2011, 06:43 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
Honestly, I'm glad that I didn't have any family around that first Mother's Day. Cora's due date was Mother's Day and she died just 2 weeks before. So I had nothing I "had" to do that day but bum around at home and cry.

Since then it's a bittersweet day still. We don't make a big deal of it. I think, if it were me, I'd go for a little while but have an excuse to leave early if I needed to. And tell your mom that it is going to be hard for you, just so she realizes it.

Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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April 30th, 2011, 09:14 PM
austinmommy3's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 2,056
If it were me, I flat out wouldn't go. It is very inconsiderate of anyone to expect to see you on Mother's Day considering what you have just been through. You could let your mother know you love and appreciate her, possibly send her and your grandmother a card, but that this Mother's Day is just a bit too difficult for you to put on a happy face. Just my thoughts. Ultimately you need to do what is best for you and take care of yourself.

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May 1st, 2011, 08:07 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
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hugs hun, do what feel right for you, im sure they understand sweetie x

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May 1st, 2011, 01:13 PM
Mom 2 Avery's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 1,612
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It took me five years before I could do the family holiday thing...and they understood (and gave me kudos for making it last year!).

I wouldn't do it. Call and extend the best of wishes, but it's going to be a very emotional day and sometimes we just can't handle a crowd - even if it's loved ones...
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May 1st, 2011, 08:15 PM
littlebeansmommy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 695
My extended family cancelled their plans to visit us on Mother's Day after our angel was born and instead, turned around and planned a big birthday party for a family member the day before Mother's Day and expected us to be there. Some of them were down right pissed that we did not attend, but I was 100% positive that I did not want to go through the h-e-l-l of having to tell my story over and over to people I had not seen in a few months or explain things to people that would have lots of questions. To this day there are still hard feelings in my extended family BUT we did what was best for US. My emotions were too raw to deal with other people at the time. Although I'm healing, I'm still worried how I'm going to handle Mother's Day and the baby dedication at my church and I'm 2 years out from losing my DS.

I say that you need to do what is best for your and your family right now. It is difficult for a lot of people to see what your needs are because they haven't been through this and life just moves on for them. Take the time you need, and don't worry about what others will think.
DS #1:

My precious angel DS#2:

My rainbow DS#3:

My Princess #4:
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May 2nd, 2011, 08:58 AM
Posts: n/a
Thankfully my family is totally understanding. Eli died the end of August and I simply let my family know that the upcoming holidays might be hard for me and that I was just letting them know that I might need to leave the big celebration and have time to myself or whatever and they totally respected that. I simply did not know how I was going to handle things so I let them know that.
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