Log In Sign Up

when people ask...

Forum: Stillbirth


Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to [email protected].

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Stillbirth LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
May 20th, 2011, 09:51 PM
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6
I just had to post because I just had someone else ask me the other day. I lost my son the day before I was schedule to be induced due to an umbillical cord accident. Everyone in my small town knew about him and I had been off work for a few months before hand so I was able to take my 5 year old to school and pick him up.

The one thing I dreaded was going back into the real world after he passed. I had come up with the standard "Unfortunately we lost him".. response when someone asked. I think I had prepared myself enough to handle it and I havn't cried once yet when someone asks me.. but its still so hard. I just took my son to get his hair cut the other day and the lady cutting hair at the barber perks up. "Where's the baby!?".. and I smiled nicely and said the standard response.. she felt HORRIBLE. I think sometimes I feel worse for people that ask than I do for myself. She even made the comment after saying how sorry she was.."wow do I feel stupid".. and I nicely reassured her that she wasn't the first and I was sure wasn't going to be the last. I have had 4 people ask me so far.

So for anyone thats just newly going through this I just want to say that what worked for me was just preparing a "standard answer".. helped me a LOT.. to know what I would say and to be ready for it made it easier. Most of the time I just gave the response.. and if I was feeling crappy that day I would smile and say thanks when they said sorry and then sidetrack the discussion to something else or just keep walking (people tend to understand). on a good day I would say Thanks.. and briefly explain that we lost him due to the umbillical cord.. For some reason if I can handle it, I like to tell his story and tell them that he was a perfect 8#5oz little boy with lots of dark hair.

I don't know what inclined me to post this.. but it was on my mind.. so I wrote.
Reply With Quote
May 21st, 2011, 03:35 PM
Mom 2 Avery's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 1,612
Send a message via MSN to Mom 2 Avery Send a message via Yahoo to Mom 2 Avery
I'm really proud of you for posting this! You're already helping people!!!
Reply With Quote
May 22nd, 2011, 07:49 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
Yeah, that was one of the hardest parts for me. Cora was born the day that was supposed to be my last work day before maternity leave. I worked at a gas station/convenience store in a small town that sold really cheap soda, so we had a lot of regulars. I was 38 weeks, so everyone knew I was going to have a baby soon, so it wasn't surprising when I took a month off. When I came back, though all my coworkers knew, none of the customers did and the first thing everyone asked was "How's your baby??"

Ugh. I agree, sometimes I felt bad for making them feel so bad, when really there was no reason for them NOT to assume everything was okay. It was really hard and I ended up changing jobs mostly because of that.
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

Reply With Quote
May 22nd, 2011, 09:11 PM
Posts: n/a
Yeah, I remember the first time someone asked and I was so caught off guard and didn't know what to say.
I'm glad you have joined us, you seem like a great person and I am glad to be able to get to know you.
Reply With Quote
May 24th, 2011, 07:07 AM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
That sounds like you're doing pretty well if you can handle the questions with your prepared answer and talk about him. It's hard when people feel so terrible... I always felt bad about that for some reason, like I was blindsiding them with this terrible news when they were expecting some happy answer.

2 IVF babies and 1 surprise!
~*~ My Blog ~*~
Reply With Quote

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:33 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0