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Advice needed - words of kindness for my co-worker

Forum: Stillbirth


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August 17th, 2012, 02:15 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 835
Hello, yesterday my co-worker lost his sweet baby boy, the day before his wife was to be induced. It was a cord accident. I am so heartbroken for them that I don't even know what to say.

Several years ago I experienced multiple miscarriages in a row and it was tremendously painful. What he is going through is so much worse, I cannot even imagine the pain he must be in now. There's so many things I want to say but don't want to say because I'm not sure. I remember it hurt my feelings when people would just avoid the topic (as if they would remind me of my miscarriages if they mentioned it. That's not possible when that's all I thought about.). "God's will, things happen for a reason, etc" are things I will never say, because they provided zero comfort when people told me that. If anything, it made me angrier. Do you have any suggestions on things that would be helpful or things to avoid?

I would also like to do something or give him something in remembrance of his child. Do you have any suggestions?
Me: 33
DH: 32

TTC 3/07
m/c - 7/29/07 (5w4d)
m/c - 10/8/07 (6w4d)
m/c - 2/27/08 (11w5d)
m/c - 6/20/08 (7w2d)
9/08 - IVF w/ PGD: Cycle cancelled, not enough mature follies
10/08 - IVF w/ PGD: Cycle cancelled, ovulated on my own
12/08 - IVF w/ PGD: BFP!
Owen Royce...born August 28, 2009

1/10 IVF w/ PGD: 1 egg fertilized, so no PGD
1/30/10 Transferred in one embryo
2/13/10 - BFP!
Georgia Elle...born October 15, 2010

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August 18th, 2012, 08:20 AM
Posts: n/a
Sounds like you know all the things that you shouldn't say. A simple, I'm so sorry, is plenty really. And asking about his son....what they named him, who he looked like, etc. I really appreciated it when I could talk about my son and the person was really willing to listen.
As far as a remembrance thing...there is jewelry that would be good for his wife. Or some kind of little ceramic mom and dad with a baby or something. I know that at the hospital that I gave birth in, they have a wall with tiles on it and you can purchase a tile with a child's name and birth date. My parents purchased one of these for my Eli when he was stillborn and that was really sweet.
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