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Forum: Stillbirth


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  • 1 Post By Jenlynn37
  • 1 Post By claire1979

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July 13th, 2013, 11:14 AM
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Red Deer, AB
Posts: 4
Hello everyone,
I sit here thinking this will help me deal with this terrible tragedy but right now its not because I still don't want to believe we have actually lost our daughter!
My husband and I have one amazing 8 year old son Evan we were able to conceive naturally. All we wanted was to give him a sibling and share our love with another child!! We have tried for many years for another. Clomid, IUIs and two rounds of IVF. When I found out the last round of IVF was successful we were over the moon with excitement!! We also found out that my sister in law was pregnant so we were so excited to have the kids grow up together as Evan was the only kid and grandkid for 8 years!!
Everything was going excellent, textbook pregnancy you could say, so I was confident we would be welcoming our daughter very soon! We planned our only camping trip this summer and went out and it was successful, no worries what so ever. the Tuesday after that Madison was moving around like normal and maybe a bit more active then usual but I never thought anything about it!! She was moving for Daddy because normally she would be still when he went to feel for her. We went to bed and everything was great. Oddly at 330am our fire detectors went off for about a minute. Everything was fine in the house so we went back to bad, I was a little freaked out but was able to fall back asleep. Wednesday morning was just another day, or so I thought! I had noticed that Madison wasn't moving as much but I figured she was having a rest day as she was so active the night before. Little did I know that was not the case, we finally went into the hospital at supper because I was upset and worried and there we got the worst news a Mother could ever get.
Two nurses couldn't find her little heartbeat then we had an US and it was confirmed. Our world shattered right there. We were so close to welcoming Madison in three weeks with a scheduled section. I was 35 weeks and three days.
We were told our options by a doctor who I had heard horror stories about but luckily we did not have to deal with him after that. We went home and got zero sleep and were back in at 8 am the next morning. I was induced at 11 am and delivered my beautiful baby girl Madison at 1044pm exactly one month before her due date! She was the most beautiful baby girl we had ever seen!! It was so hard to wrap my head around the whole situation though because she was suppose to cry right away not be silent. Her cord was around her neck twice and half hitched around both her arms and also had a tight knot in it. The doc said it was so rare he asked to take a picture of her to show his colleagues. We aloud it hoping that it wouldn't happen again. We later found out that she most likely had a exceptionally long umbilical cord, another thing in nature like people having big ears.
Everyone says take it one day at a time and that's exactly what I'm doing, they tell me I'm so strong and they wouldn't be able to be like me. I cry every morning, they seem to be the hardest right now and I do not feel strong at all, I want to curl up in a ball and never move, but I have my son to take care of and I am so grateful for him, as he keeps my mind occupied.
My poor husband too, he is the typical mans man and he is finding it so hard to show emotion. He is angry right now and I really don't think it has completely sunk in yet. I hurt for him as well, for my whole family!!

After my Dad passed away 7 years ago I found this quote and it seems fitting,

"It has been said time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time the mind, protecting it's sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone. " - Rose Kennedy

Sorry for the long post and I'm truly sorry for all you Mama's going through this as well!! My heart breaks for you all!!
Evan and Madison's Mama

Last edited by EvanandMadisonsMom; July 13th, 2013 at 11:30 AM. Reason: Added some more info
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July 13th, 2013, 06:44 PM
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 118
I am so very sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. I have found these forums to be a really helpful outlet when there are so few people in real life who can relate to such a tragedy as you cannot truly understand how devastating the loss of a baby is unless you have been through it yourself. Infertility coupled with a loss can make it even more hard. My name is Jennifer and I lost my son at 24 weeks on March 1 this year also to a cord accident. We conceived him through clomid and IUI. My DH and I have become very close going through the grieving process. Take all the time you need to grieve, I know it will never go away, but I do hope that is gets easier with time.
EvanandMadisonsMom likes this.
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July 15th, 2013, 12:25 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. Yes take it day by day, that quote is very true.

((hugs)) I'm Claire co host of this board i lost my baby daughter Jessica in 2005 also due to a cord accident.
EvanandMadisonsMom likes this.

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July 16th, 2013, 05:20 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,095
I'm so sorry you are going through this, Erin. I have lost a daughter, Evangeline, and a son, Declan, due to undiagnosed neonatal hemochromatosis. Additionally I had a ruptured ectopic at 8 weeks and a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks.
You are probably going to want to curl up into a ball for a long time, but as your quote points out, the mind finds ways to lesson the pain. For me, there really was a very obvious demarcation in my life - one that separated 'Before' and 'After'. This is a wonderful board for support, and even just as a place to vent out all that you can't say to the people in your life. ((hugs))

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July 19th, 2013, 12:07 PM
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Red Deer, AB
Posts: 4
Thank you for the warm welcome, I WISH none of us have to meet this way! It was two weeks last night that we lost out beautiful baby Madison. I had a hard time last night, well everyday has been hard. I have had company come and its been nice to have people to talk to! unfortunately they have to go home at some point and I'm finding out I really don't like a quiet house.
The hardest is looking at a calendar and knowing that next week we would of been bringing Madison home!! Its just so unfair, we know why we lost her but I want to know WHY!!!! We wanted her so badly and we worked so hard! I'm so angry and it doesn't help that so many of my friends are expecting their babies in the next week. I wish them all the best but I want to right along with them!!
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July 23rd, 2013, 08:05 PM
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Red Deer, AB
Posts: 4
So my husband went back to work for the first time since we lost Madison and I'm feeling very anxious. He will be gone overnight for sometime, he's oilfield. How do I handle this??
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July 23rd, 2013, 11:06 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Edmonton, AB
Posts: 998
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I am so sorry for your loss
We lost our son during labor in 2008

Thank you so much for the awesome siggie Claire
Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our lives will be fuller
Because we shared your moment
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