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My stories of Elijah and my miscarriage...

Forum: Stillbirth


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June 24th, 2007, 11:31 PM
~ Liz ~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: North Carolina
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<div align="center">Even though I am the co-host of this board, I've never taken the time to really explain my stories of my stillborn son, Elijah, or my miscarriage.

I've finally done it, in as much detail as I can remember. I'm sorry if there are typo's...I've been typing forever so I probably won't notice them until I read it later on.... </div>

In 2003 I was 16, turning 17, and got pregnant with my son. His daddy was 23 and I thought I was so in LOVE. He used me, got another girl pregnant when I was four-months preggo with his son, and he's just a terrible person. ANYWAY. This isn't based on him. My pregnancy went well until right at the end. I was 37, almost 38, weeks and my left foot began to swell, literally, within HOURS, to the point that I couldn't walk and every movement made me scream and cry in pain. I'm not going to go into every detail but the ER sent me to my OB. My OB couldn't figure out what the problem was. Elijah's heartbeat was fine, my blood-pressure was great...but my foot was HUGE and was only getting bigger. So, he sent me home to and put me on full bedrest, even though I couldn't walk anyway. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't MOVE. All I did was cry in pain. My mom took me back to my OB, who basically is an idiot and was convinced then that I'd sprained or broken my ankle, even though I continuously told him I hadn't been ANYWHERE but to Wal-Mart. My foot hurt while I was there, I barely made it back to my car, I called my mom and I went to the ER. Well, he didn't listen to me. He sent me to get x-rays of my foot. Turns out, I DID have broken bones on top of my foot but they were broken by the extreme pressure of the swelling, NOT the cause of the swelling. Again, my OB was mystified. He STILL sent me home. I don't remember exactly how long I stayed at home in that condition but I'm thinking around a week. I DO remember my mom being on the phone night and day with my OB, calling him at work, calling him at home, waking him up, paging him, she didn't care. I was in PAIN and something was wrong. I also remember that she took me to see him nearly every day, even though his office was 45 minutes away. She had to carry me to the car everytime, and then go in the office and bring out a wheelchair, EVERY time. Such dedication...I love my mom...
I remember one morning I started having contractions. Mom had noticed a short time before that Elijah had dropped. We went back to my OB b/c Elijah just wasn't moving as usual PLUS I was still in agonizing pain. Well, my doctor by then had an attitude with me at every visit, and told me that I needed to go home and wait for my contractions to be closer together, and that babies typically don't move around too much at the end of pregnancies and right before birth. There I was, sitting in a wheelchair, my foot the size of a football, sobbing and holding my stomach and he did NOT care. My mom exploded. I don't remember what she said, or what exactly happened but I was sent to the hospital and hooked up to the fetal monitors. Elijah barely had a heartbeat. Then I seized. I don't remember anything after that, until I woke up in a recovery room. My mom was sitting beside me. Her eyes were puffy and I could see the pain in her face. I asked her if he was okay. She looked down for a second, looked back up at me and said, "No....he was born dead, honey...." She said I turned my head to the opposite direction of her, closed my eyes, and stopped breathing. At that point my lungs totally collapsed and my kidneys began to swell.
Honestly, everything is a blur. I only know what my mom has told me. I was diagnosed, after the fact, with eclampsia without classic symptoms. It went so long without getting Elijah OUT and medicating me, that it caused me to seize. But, eclampsia is not what killed my son. The eclampsia was making him brain-dead. What actually killed him is this: around the time that mom noticed he had dropped, he dropped right onto his cord. His head was pressed against it. This caused him slow but progressing brain-damage, ALONG WITH the brain-damage from the eclamsia, and eventually killed him just 2.5 minutes before he was delievered.
He was 6 lbs, 15 oz, 19.5 inches. I slept for two days after his delivery, and finally woke up just long enough to see him before he was cremated. I was on so much medication that I couldn't see straight, so when I seeing him for the first time I had to hold my hand over one eye. I don't remember much. My mom took a lot of pictures.
He would have been four this November. I miss my baby boy....
You can see all of his pictures here:
Keep in mind, he had been dead a few days so his face was a little blotchy and his lips were getting dark...he was still beautiful =)
Boy was I swollen! I haven't looked at the pictures in quite a while... I was NOT big during my pregnancy. Here's me preggo with him:

So, after going home I was in a wheelchair for about three weeks and took a breathing machine home to "practice" breathing daily.
Elijah is in my thoughts daily. I grateful for my life, but I wish his was not taken....

On to my miscarriage. While I was pregnant with Elijah, I met my, now, husband, Darrell. We started dating in September, 03 and got pregnant with our identical twins in October, 04. Everything seemed to be going well until at my December appt, the twins HAD grown, but there were no heartbeats. It was recommended that I immediately get a DNC, but Darrell and I refused to give up on them. My hormone levels were checked and they were still RISING. We figured that if they indeed were dead, I would miscarry on my own. So, I kept the babies in me until my water broke and I went into preterm labor in January, 05. I was sent to the OR for an emergency DNC, but I couldn't be put under because I had recently eaten. Instead, I was given just an IV that made me "out of it" and not in control of what was going on. I felt the entire DNC, and could feel tears running down my face, but, as I said, I couldn't control or DO anything, or think straight.
I do have an u/s picture of them, but no scanner =( I will attempt to take a picture of it tomorrow with my camera.

The very next month, we conceived our eldest daughter, Kaitlyn. She was and is healthy and beautiful =) She's now nearly 19 months old. We also have another beautiful daughter, Emily, who is nearly 6 months old.

The Lord truly gives AND takes away. I've had my share of both...

So, there are my stories. I'm sorry they're so long...

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June 25th, 2007, 02:22 PM
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Popping in from the January '07 PR.

Wow Liz. I am so sorry you had to live through that I just know that your angels are watching over all of you. Elijah is a beautiful little guy.
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June 25th, 2007, 03:02 PM
babyozzy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I wanted to tell you I am sorry for your loss. Your son was beautiful. You are a very strong person with the most perfect angels looking over you and your children!

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June 25th, 2007, 08:55 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Maitland, Florida
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Elijah is just beautiful! I am so honored you'd share him and the twins with us.

I was told when Mom died that when He takes someone, He gives you someone. It's so true. You have touched people in ways you will never know because you dared to share your grief.

Thank you.
my thanks to Claire1979 for the awesome siggy!!
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June 26th, 2007, 06:22 AM
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Oh Liz, Elijah is so beautiful. You are such a strong person, thank you for sharing your story
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June 26th, 2007, 12:58 PM
_Rebecca_'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 11,150
It is such a beautiful story Liz. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I know you are blessed forever with more angels than most!
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June 26th, 2007, 06:03 PM
*Jessie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Liz thank you so much for sharing your stories with us. Elijah was such a beautiful baby...the first thing I said when I saw his pictures was "OH my is he BEAUTIFUL!". You are a strong woman, and I know that you have many angels that surround you everyday. I love you Liz... and respect you greatly!

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautiful tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes from mowing Sister Schenk's lawn. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt form making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my nails from helping weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheek and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived. "
— Marjorie Pay Hinckley
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June 26th, 2007, 08:03 PM
Erin's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Iowa
Posts: 5,880
I'm so humbled by you, Liz. It is truly amazing what you've survived in your 20 (21?) years here. You have made a difference in MY life, and for that, I thank you whole-heartedly.

(((BIG HUG)))
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June 27th, 2007, 07:13 PM
ImustBeNuts06's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh Liz! I wish my arms could reach you right now! I agree with Erin, you definitely made a difference in my life by sharing your story. My tears won't stop flowing right now just thinking about what you must have went through at such a young age. I knew that you had lost, but never really KNEW...kwim? Thank you for sharing Elijah and the twins with us. Thank you so much!

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June 28th, 2007, 11:42 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,715
Thank you so much for sharing your story. What a truly beautiful little boy. I am in tears.
Crying and grieving for you and with you. The heartbreak that comes with these pictures is just unimagineable, yet so many women go through it. What a great and loving mother you have and how fortunate to have so many pictures of your little man.
I am so sorry too for the loss of your little twins. Again, too much heartbreak for one woman to have to go through. You are so strong.
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July 4th, 2007, 02:02 PM
Minilegs's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Kaia's Mommy
Posts: 5,271
Liz-Elijah was gorgeous and I'm not just saying that...he was beautiful. I'm sorry for your losses. I don't understand that kind of pain but, know how dangerous everything was for you. Kaia was born due to eclampsia and I know how I felt after her birth. I'm sorry you don't remember as much as you would like. Emily and Kaitlyn are a true blessing, besides the fact that those girls are adorable.

Melanie, mama to Kaia, Ewan, and Paige
Paige Clementine born October 23, 2013
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July 5th, 2007, 03:25 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
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Your pictures made me remember how I felt, laying in the hospital bed, holding my little angel baby. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It seems so unfair sometimes.

But your Elijah will always be with you, like my Cora is with me.
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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August 24th, 2007, 02:15 PM
julieet76's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you for sharing your story.

I just looked at the pictures. He was so pretty!!! You are such a strong and great mom.
That stupid doctor

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December 18th, 2007, 12:12 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: SW FL
Posts: 8,785
Sorry to bring this post back. I was going thru the pages and looking for, well, I don't know what I was looking for, hope, I guess. Hope to know that I can go on to have a healthy baby after Dominic. Your son is so beautiful. I am so sorry you had to go thru that at such a young age. I am 23 and I thought I was to young to go thru this. You are so strong! I never realized how strong parents of angels were until my son became an angel. I am sure your angels are looking down on you smiling at you and their siblings! <3
Leann <3 Hector
My trio: Alyssa 7, Tristan 4.75, Gavin 1.5

I am a mixture of all that and a bag of chips... IJS

Rest In Peace Jennifer <3

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