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Ladies, I need your help Please

Forum: Loss of a Child


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March 22nd, 2009, 01:09 PM
sharon81's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: MICHIGAN
Posts: 2,865
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I am speaking at our ladies meeting in our church next month and I am to speak on how God's been Good through my expirence. That's not the hard part, however I have been asked so many times, what things did people say to you that helped (encouraged) you and what things are the WRONG things to say.
Can you help me collaberate a list for them. I have the things I can think of... Keep in mind this is going to be a church meeting so keep it mild. I think they already know that cussing doesn't help.
Thank in advance.

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March 22nd, 2009, 02:39 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Grand Rapids Michigan United States
Posts: 2,890
Things that did not help
When people tell you it was God's plan. It may be but this is something that people have to come to terms with.
When people say your not over that yet. We will always be grieving our loss for the rest of our lives.
When people do not want to talk about your LO. It helps to remember the time you had with your LO.
What helps.
When people send a note or call on a hard day or Angel Day.
When people talk about your LO.
When people ask how you are doing?
When people ask if they can do anything?
When people donate or do something in honor of your LO.
When people step out of their comfort zone to help you, or just listen.
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March 22nd, 2009, 05:07 PM
cam & sami's mom's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Guysville, Ohio
Posts: 681
What doesn't help:
anything about God's plan
that Cam is in a better place (better than with his mother?!?), is no longer suffering, etc
consciously not mentioning his name for fear that it will upset me - I'm already upset

What helped:
Other people sharing memories with me
Bringing over food - I just couldn't think about cooking, eating, etc.
Sending cards out of the blue
donations in his memory
There is someone who keeps fresh flowers on Cameron's grave. I have no idea who it is but I appreciate their gesture more than they could know

Cameron (3-3-99 to 10-30-08)
Samantha (11-15-03)
+ 6 angels


"You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

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March 23rd, 2009, 01:26 PM
sharon81's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: MICHIGAN
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thank you ladies...
more are welcome. I don't speak until April 9th... so I have time yet.

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March 23rd, 2009, 03:08 PM
Delekatala's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 3,628
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I don't know if it helps since my situation is a bit different.

But the single most comforting thing said to me the entire time was "you are still a mom of twins" I imagine "you are still a mom" would also be a needed thing to hear.

When Genevive was dieing, I am not sure how it came up, but the nurse said "your job is just to talk to her and be with her, none of us can do that". That was very helpful, I was feeling a bit lost, with all the doctors and everyone I felt like I could do nothing.

Another thing that I feel made a huge difference was being told I can do whatever I want, there is no wrong way to deal with it. I don't know that I would have been so bold to do her bath and all those little things if I hadn't been told this. That bath was the single most meaninful thing I did with my daughter, it seems so morbid bathing a dead baby but it was very healing, and actually brought me great joy.
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March 23rd, 2009, 03:27 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Grand Rapids Michigan United States
Posts: 2,890
I understand a lot of your feelings delekatala. It was very comforting to me when people tell me that I am still a mom of twins, one is a angel and one is here. I bathed Madison after she died. I am so glad that we did everything with her.
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