Log In Sign Up

9 Months

Forum: Loss of a Child


Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to [email protected].

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Loss of a Child LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
June 26th, 2009, 10:37 AM
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 15
I really am tired of marking time. Soon, very soon, I will stop marking her death in months and will start marking it in years. The last couple of days, I have been thinking of day that she died. I got up that morning at 5am like I did every morning so I could spend a couple of hours with her before shift change. I went to the chapel like I did every morning before going into the PICU and on that morning, I prayed the prayer no Mother ever wants to have to pray. But because being a parent is the most selfless act one will ever play out in their life, I basically asked God to either heal her or take her, but it cant go on like this. Full support for 6 days and every time they try to wean she crashes. It can’t go on. As I was leaving the chapel 2 things happened…as I walked out the door, I heard clear as day “Today is the day”, instead of going into the PICU I walked outside of Children’s and found someone with a cigarette and for the first time in 10 years I smoked. I finished that cigarette in what seemed like 3 inhales.

I didn’t think about what I heard leaving the chapel again that day until Dr. Levine came and woke me up just as I dreamt D’Lon was holding onto my leg. What I know now is the dream I was having prior to them coming to ask if we wanted them to try to save her was her coming to me at the time of her death because 7 minutes later they told us they were unable to get her back. I chose not to be in the room when they tried because I knew in my heart she was already gone and I was already in survival mode. I knew I did not need that image in my head, as it was bad enough I am going to have to live with images of me and my husband holding our most precious blessing lifeless body.

I had a revelation a few months ago. I believe, no I know that D’Lon died on September 20th when we left out of home in the ambulance. Yes she hung on for 6 days but that was for us to come to grip with the fact that there was a real possibility that we were going to lose our girl. I feel God and my beautiful baby girl allowed me to feel like I was somewhat in control because they knew when I prayed that prayer on the morning September 26, 2008, I understood that I had to love her enough to let her go. Dr. Levine came and got me at 9:40pm and she was pronounced as 9:47 pm. The first person to came to mind after he walked back in that conference room was Kate St.Clair and a sentence from her blog and I said aloud to no one really “she was snatched away, just like that".

Rest in Paradise My Love….I miss you every second of every day. Every day that we live, we’re a day closer to you, still trying to make you proud as we promised we’d do.
Reply With Quote
June 29th, 2009, 08:36 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 25,747
Send a message via Yahoo to Jodi Dawn
hugs. you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Reply With Quote
June 30th, 2009, 11:30 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 9,769
Rest in Peace and Happy 6 months in Heaven sweet angel
Reply With Quote
June 30th, 2009, 12:30 PM
Drakesmommy's Avatar My rainbow Twins are here
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 631
Send a message via MSN to Drakesmommy
you are in my thoughts and prayers and we are always here if you ever need anything.

Thank you Jaidynsmum for my adorable siggy.

Reply With Quote
June 30th, 2009, 02:30 PM
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 15
Thank you sooo much!
Reply With Quote

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:47 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0