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What to say to an old friend

Forum: Loss of a Child


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June 12th, 2010, 06:28 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Virginia
Posts: 911
First, let me say that I'm very sorry that you all experienced what you did. My friend just lost her baby. She had a home birth with a mid-wife and there were complications. Her baby boy was rushed to the hospital and put on oxygen. He passed away 2 days later with no brain activity. I'm assuming he didn't have enough oxygen and was put on a ventilater and the decision was made to take him off when they realized there wasn't brain activity.

My heart is just breaking for her- not only did she lose her first born, I'm sure she's having the guilt of "what if we didn't decide to have a home birth? What if we had him in a hospital? Would he be alive right now?" We were college friends and are now back in touch only through facebook. I want to send her a card, but I'm not sure what to say. I thought maybe you guys could help me say the "right" things.

Thank you and again, I'm sorry for your losses.

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June 12th, 2010, 07:13 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Grand Rapids Michigan United States
Posts: 2,890
I would say I am sorry and that you are their to listen. Their really is nothing you can say that is going to make things better for her. Grief comes in waves. She may be good one day and down the next. Just be their when she needs it. I love when people send me a card or a memento remembering my sweet daughter. Saying a prayer for your friend.

Mom to identical twins
McKenzie and Angel Madison
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June 13th, 2010, 10:15 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 9,769
I agree with Laura. Or even just light a candle in memory of her baby and tell her that you've done it. That always makes me feel a little better
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