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I'm having a baby not hosting a party!

Forum: 2013 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By MauiMimi

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November 28th, 2012, 08:12 AM
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 137
I just read an article with this title and it really got me thinking about who I will have in the delivery room with me. I am **hoping** for a somewhat natural childbirth. What I mean by this is that I want to avoid a c-section at all costs, and want to labor as long as I can without an epidural as possible and definitely no pitocin! I am worried that feelings may be hurt because I am not sure I want my husbands parents, my parents, and other extended family members milling about my room while i'm in active labor. I've never given birth before and don't know what to expect but I do want to maintain a calm, quiet atmosphere in the room. When it comes to the active part of labor/birth I would really only like my husband in the room with me and possibly my mother. She has already mentioned that she would be very hurt if I didn't allow her in. I just feel that once I give the okay for her to go in that my husbands mothers feelings will be hurt if I dont let her in and then so starts the domino affect.

also for BTDT moms how soon after the baby is born in a hospital do you get to spend time with them for breastfeeding/bonding ect. (assuming baby is born healthy and no complications) This is a time I would most definitely ask to be just my husband and I.

I think this might have been discussed in a previous thread-but I couldn't find it!
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November 28th, 2012, 08:22 AM
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 207
when I had my first DD I aloud my mom and mother inlaw in the room for part of my labor and had them leave before I started to push. after I gave birth they put her on my chest while they cleened her up. so you can bond right away. If you dont want a party just dont tell anyone until your ready to have visitors. I wished I did that last time.
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November 28th, 2012, 08:37 AM
iamkc's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Montana
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It's your birth, and you can have whomever you please in there. If you don't want your mother in there, most L&D nurses/staff are really good at helping you come up with reasons not to let someone in. I'm not saying that you have to lie, but simply saying, "I can only have so many people in at a time" should be sufficient. Not a lie; you can only handle so much.

DS2 was an atypical birth, so I won't even discuss that. My hospital for DS1 allowed anyone I wanted in there. My sister and DH were in there with me for the whole thing. We told DH's family that since I would be up moving and up and down for monitoring, we had to have just a few people in there. We never said anything about hospital policy, so it wasn't lying, just asserting our needs in a way they would understand and "obey", I suppose. After birth, since DS1 was healthy, I was given as much time as I wanted to bond and feed. All the way through birthing the placenta, taking care of some tears (ouch), and getting his weight and length, etc., I was there. I finally needed to get cleaned up to move to another room, but he was brought back immediately. DH was with him through that part. Not all hospitals do that without you asking, so you may want to let them know that you'd like for one of you to be present with the baby at all times, if that's what you want!

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November 28th, 2012, 09:05 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,110
You have who you want. Period. If someone gets their feelings hurt, that's their problem, not yours.

I had this issue with my first son. People just pulled up chairs and sat around the bed staring at me. It was so odd and awkward. It was a long and terrible induction and I ended up kicking them out after a few hours. I wouldn't even let them come back in for the magazines they had left in my room, lol.

This time the only other person who will be there besides my husband and kids will be my mom. Her job will be to watch my kids though, so I don't think she'll be in there much. She doesn't actually want to be because she doesn't like seeing me in pain and not being able to do anything about it.

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November 28th, 2012, 09:12 AM
iamkc's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That is EXACTLY what I wanted to avoid. I would feel like I would have to hold back with the extra people in the room. My sister had her husband and me in there. Her husband was CLEARLY unaware of what was going on. She had been contracting for 1/2 an hour, 2 minutes apart. Her husband's dad called (from the lobby) to see what was going on. Her husband: "Oh, not much. She's had maybe 2 contractions." I thought that my sister would kill him. Hahahahahhhaa So I explained what was going on, how she felt, and that NO! His dad could NOT just stop in to see how things were going! He did, anyway, and my sister had no problem telling him to get out. He looked all hurt, so I VERY nicely said, "It would be like someone asking if they could stick around to watch a stranger repeatedly shove a watermelon into and pull it out from your various orifices to see how you reacted. Maybe a little different, but still awkward. It's nothing against you; she just needs to be able to do what she needs to do without feeling self-conscious." He hung out in the lobby for the rest of the time.

Point being: YOU have to be comfortable with what you're doing! You need to concentrate and relax all at once, and having people in there you're not comfortable with in this situation makes that task more difficult!

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November 28th, 2012, 09:36 AM
kbpeanut's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: north county san diego, ca
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Originally Posted by marybeth76 View Post
You have who you want. Period. If someone gets their feelings hurt, that's their problem, not yours.
AGREED. Exactly this.

I will be doing the same thing. Me and DH only. My mom is the only other person who might even be in town (she lives out of town, but may try and get her before baby is born). IF she is in town, she will likely not be allowed in the room for long. After that, me, DH and the med staff only.

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November 28th, 2012, 09:45 AM
Lucky Mama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Utah
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Ditto. You need to do what makes you comfortable and don't let anyone make you feel bad if you don't want an audience (and that includes your mom if having her there would make you uncomfortable).

Of course, people will want to be there the entire time, but they need to think about you. After all, it's not like you just sit around, lazing about, and then the baby magically appears in your arms. Labor and birth is hard work and especially if you opt to wait on, or not have, an epidural, you will be in no condition for entertaining. You will be working hard and trying to focus.

Plus, we all know where babies come from. If having people there while you are somewhat (or more than somewhat) exposed to the world makes you uncomfortable, that's okay. You call the shots.

And I agree that the nurses will be more than willing to help you kick visitors out if you need some time or a break. Just don't be afraid to ask for what you feel most comfortable with. This is YOUR birth.

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November 28th, 2012, 09:55 AM
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 137
thanks ladies! I know I don't post on here often, but I really gain alot of support from this sight. I'm a FTM and don't have any close friends who are pregnant OR have children!
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November 28th, 2012, 10:02 AM
.Nikki.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Pittsburgh PA
Posts: 6,547
TALK TO YOUR NURSES FIRST! when you get there, tell them who you want and when, and stuff like that. They are there for YOU and they will help getting people in and out of the room that you want there....then you do not have to worry about it. When I was going into my c-section after pushing for hours I started throwing up and it was like eveyone was in there to say "bye" to me before the c-section. Finally I looked up at the nurse and said "im puking can you help" and she rushed EVERYONE out except for Andrew and told me "don't even thank me" hahahaha. She just knew. They have all different excuses to get people in and out and are used to it!!!

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November 28th, 2012, 10:06 AM
Expecting #1 & 2
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 502
Say what I've been saying -- "You weren't there when we were making the girls and you can't be there when they are coming out." Period.

That shuts people up quickly and leaves them with a creepy visual. Whatever it takes. lol.
topato likes this.

My twin girls are prayer buddies for Sarah Faith and Leah Hope.
Please keep them in your prayers.

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November 28th, 2012, 10:24 AM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2,134

Originally Posted by marybeth76 View Post
You have who you want. Period. If someone gets their feelings hurt, that's their problem, not yours.
Especially not this family reunion that people seem to want to hold at your bed side. I don't even want people in the hospital, and frankly if there were a danger of that I probably wouldn't even call people until the baby was safely born and we had some bonding time. (Also, I have a good relationship with my family and my in-laws, I just know I'd be worried about their feelings and amusement instead of focusing on getting my baby out.)

I'm having DH and midwife. DH is a little nervous about getting through a potentially long labor and maybe needing a rest himself, so we agreed on a family friend who has a helpful personality, won't have her feelings hurt if I say the wrong thing, and won't mind the gross parts of labor. She'll hang out in the hospital waiting room in case he needs to tag team for a while.

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