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A message to my younger momma self

Forum: 2013 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By dylans_mommy
  • 1 Post By ThaiSpice
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March 21st, 2013, 09:37 AM
Excited first time mommy!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 245
My ticker just gave me a rude awakening by reminding me my due date is only 11 days away! I found this in another DDC and it calmed my fears about my FTM experience

My Message To My Younger Momma Self | living in GRACEland

If I could somehow travel back in time and give a message to my younger momma self, I would grab hold of my shoulders, look myself in the eye, and say Ė Girl, RELAX!

I would tell myself to stop worrying about getting it right, to stop that quest for the one, right way to be a good mother. I would say ó For goodnessí sake, quit it with all the books! And especially the books by the authors who claim to have figured it out. And for all thatís holy and good, stop it with the authors who promise their way is Godís chosen parenting method! Iíd grab those books right out of my younger momma selfís hands and throw them straight into a bonfire and roast marshmallows over the flames.

Because there is no one right way to parent children. And if God felt so strongly about a particular parenting method, Iím pretty sure He would have nudged Moses or Solomon or Paul or Timothy or somebody to write it down in the Book that does include all that is near and dear to His heart.

I would tell myself ó Stop feeling guilty for napping on the couch with your infant sleeping on your chest! No, youíre not ruining her sleep patterns forever! Because that girl is a teenager now, and TRUST ME, she can get herself to sleep and keep herself asleep until I force her to get out of her bed on a Saturday morning.

I would tell myself to stop fretting about whether I should nurse that boy again so soon after his last feeding, to stop beating myself up over not sticking to a schedule. Because in a BLINK, a FLASH, he will be ten years old. And if I could actually travel back in time, I would beg my younger momma self to let me hold this one for just a few more minutes because I miss his little head nuzzled in my neck and I miss the smell of baby shampoo on his head and I miss his sweet milk breath as I try to burp him.

And when ten years have gone by ó Iíll tell my younger momma self ó you wonít even remember whether he slept six hours or eight hours at night when he was nine months old. And nobody can tell by watching the stinky, sweaty boys on the soccer field which boys cluster-fed and nursed to sleep and which boys were on a more predictable nursing routine. It. Just. Wonít. Matter.

Whether you take away the pacifier at six months or one year or eighteen months ó nope, it doesnít matter. Whether you potty train at two or three or have one who refuses to go until you tell him he isnít allowed to turn FIVE, for heavenís sakes, unless he goes in the potty ó when theyíre reading books and writing essays and wearing shoes nearly as big as yours, it just wonít matter.

When my magic time capsule lands in the park and I see my younger momma self trying to get a rambunctious preschool boy to get down off the slide and into the car, I would give myself a big oleí hug and tell myself not to make it a battle of wills. I would encourage myself to make it a fun game, to keep a sense of humor. I would tell myself to stop worrying about whether Iím letting him win because when his momma is smiling and loving on him and not making every little thing a big obedience issue, we all win.

I would tell my younger momma self that itís not my job to fashion perfect little children, molding their behavior to look just right. I would tell myself to lighten up, that shaping hearts is Godís job and He can handle it much better than I can, thankyouverymuch. Iíd tell myself to love them, teach them, consistently repeat over and over the lessons they need to learn, and then Iíd tell myself to trust God to really work in them. Trust Him.

And when my time travels delivered me to the middle of my living room, beside a three-year-old having a massive tantrum about the most ridiculous thing, Iíd tell myself to not take it personally. That there are many more where that one came from and if Iím going to take every one personally, itís going to be a long, long haul. Iíd nudge myself on the shoulder and whisper ó Pick up that kid and hug her. Sheís tired and grumpy and sheís learning how to handle not getting her way. Donít give in and give her what sheís throwing a fit about, but hug her and kiss her and tell her you know itís hard when we canít have what we want. Let her be sad about it for a few minutes. And then tell her itís time to suck it up and move on. Then play some music and dance with her. And laugh. Laughter makes everything better.

Iíd give my younger momma self permission to be imperfect and have imperfect children. Iíd tell myself to stop spending so much time correcting and training and just ENJOY the children. Dance more. Giggle more. Play more.

Iíd be tempted to grab a megaphone and shout ó Savor this! Itís going to fly by! I know every old person you see in WalMart tells you that, but itís TRUE! Slow down. Commit these moments to memory. Stop worrying about getting it all right and just LIVE IT! Live the heck out of each moment!

And when youíre too tired to Carpe Diem, give yourself a little mercy and a nap and some chocolate. Thatís OK too. Some days itís enough just to keep everyone alive.

Finally, Iíd tell myself to ask for help. To invite friends over even if the house is messy. To be real with people. Iíd say Ė You donít have it all together. And itís ok if people know that. Just breathe. And admit you need help sometimes. Because we all do.

Yeah, if I could somehow travel back in time and sit down for coffee with my younger momma self, Iíd say Ė Take care of yourself. Love your children ó unconditionally love them. Go after their hearts. Give HEAPS of grace to yourself and your kids. And donít sweat the small stuff.

What would you tell your younger self?
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March 21st, 2013, 10:38 AM
ThaiSpice's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: AR
Posts: 19,886
That is very good--really important to be reminded of that stuff. Spending time in mommy forums like this can be really great for a lot of reasons, but all too often it can leave moms (especially FTMs) feeling pressured or judged or guilty for one reason or another. Keeping it all in perspective is so important...because that time really does fly by, and finding THE perfect parenting style isn't possible anyway.
dylans_mommy likes this.

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March 21st, 2013, 11:54 AM
HalfDozen's Avatar Formerly Number5OnTheWay
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,596
Yeah, I really needed that tear-jerker today!!

Lots of good stuff, especially for those of us who have some space between our kids and can look back and see what we might have missed. Of course, it's still easy to forget when you're IN the actual moment!
dylans_mommy likes this.
Mommy to Jasmine (18), Kirsten (14), Ana (13), Katie (3), Xavier (1), and Gunnar (born 10-15-14)

New picture in progress......
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March 21st, 2013, 02:49 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 6,905
Oh no I can't read that.. I got to the 3rd paragraph and had to quit..
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March 21st, 2013, 02:58 PM
ashley22pa's Avatar April Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 916
Almost made me cry! A good reminder for us FTMs, thanks!
dylans_mommy likes this.

Expecting a baby girl EDD July 5, 2015!

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March 21st, 2013, 09:28 PM
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Barrow, AK
Posts: 393
Oh this made me cry. It is so true. And I think just what I needed to hear. Thanks for sharing!

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