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Forum: 2013 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By mom2K&G
  • 1 Post By Tinky
  • 1 Post By MommyPenguin4
  • 2 Post By yvee80
  • 1 Post By Fins

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April 27th, 2013, 07:07 PM
round2t's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,337
I feel really guilty writing this or talking about it with anyone because while I already love my baby to bits I cant help but feel I'm having a hard time growing up or that I'm irresponsible.

This is my first and I'm 25 years old so I'm not a young mother, not still in school etc. I've got a good job and a supportive family that also already loves this little girl more than words can express. I think the biggest issue lies with DH. We have been having big problems for months now and it's putting a huge damper on me being able to enjoy my pregnancy and not stress myself out every day... nonstop. To put it simply, we basically just can't stand each other 5 days out of the week. I love him but the last thing I want to do is bring a baby into this kind of situation. It's getting harder and harder to even WANT to try anymore. However, at the same time I cant think of leaving because I'm convinced it's got to get better.

Next. I really miss my old life and friends. I'm not talking about prepregnancy... I mean like years ago. College times. I only think this way once in a long while but when I do it really gets me down for a bit. I miss doing what I want to do when I want to do it and not worrying about everything.

What if I'm not a good mom? I feel horrible because we have had DHs son for a few weeks now (who is wonderful when his dad is around but the second he turns a corner DSS is a monster) and my patience is EXTREMELY thin. I don't want to be like this at all. I feel bad.

I know it sounds like I'm not ready for a kid... and I don't want it to sound like we don't want this baby. I love my daughter and she's not here yet. We tried to get pregnant for 19 months. We PLANNED this miracle. For me to be feeling this was just seems selfish. I think I'm just realizing what a huge commitment this is now.

I'm just really scared please tell me this will pass?
Cautiously expecting our 1st!

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April 27th, 2013, 07:19 PM
mom2K&G's Avatar Certified Dog Trainer
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Fort Bragg, NC
Posts: 1,691
First off I am sorry you are dealing with all this and feeling this way. It doesn't make you selfish or doesn't mean you will be a bad mom.

Going through a rough patch in your marriage is stressful is enough when you aren't pregnant, let alone being pregnant and having hormones on top of it. My best friend is actually going through some really bad stuff right now in her marriage and she talks to me all the time, wishing she could just enjoy this pregnancy, that they tried over a year to get pregnant. I see how painful it is to her and it breaks my heart.
Have you guys thought of marriage counseling at all? At least try to get on the same page before baby girl arrives and see what you can do to get your marriage strong again?

As to being a step mother, I was a young step mom to my first husband. It was extremely difficult at times as well so I can see where you are coming from in that aspect, I think its different when you feel frustrated towards someone else's biological child. I am sure you are a fantastic step mom, but you are just stressed and emotional right now. You need to be easy on yourself and take it one day at a time. I don't think you are getting cold feet at all, I honestly think that you are just dealing with so much right now that you feel extremely overwhelmed at everything.

I also know how it feels to miss the old days. I was in the army and stationed in Korea and it was the BEST time of my life! I miss it everyday and sometimes wish I could turn back the clock and go back. It does depress me as well, but we just have to focus on the future and wonder what's in store for us!

I truly hope things get better for you before baby girl arrives. Just try to take it easy and one day at a time because you don't want to get so stressed out she arrives early! Stay strong and keep your head up! *HUGS*
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April 27th, 2013, 07:19 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Richlands NC
Posts: 3,348
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This will pass. The fear of the unknown can be such a a hard thing to deal with. I know I have heard said a daddy becomes a daddy when he holds his baby the first time and a mama a mama when she finds out she's expecting, but I don't believe that completely. I also think even after a baby/child has come and has been around awhile, you can have moments when you think to yourself 'Just leave me alone for 5 seconds please' and i don't think there is anything wrong with that either. I know you will be a fine mother, and I hope things with DH get better. I know my manbeast and I have problems when gestating because I just can't stand him half the time. My friend can't take her husbands smell, he has to shower 4-5 times a day or it makes her sick and she gets angry. It will all work out in the end<# find some you time. take a bath or go to a cafe and get something yummy to drink and play a game or smething.
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April 27th, 2013, 07:36 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Thornton, Colorado
Posts: 510
I 100% agree with both ladies above... IT WILL PASS!

I was sooo extremely worried when I found out I was pregnant. To be honest, I wasn't happy about it at all >_< Such a horrible thing to admit but I just don't feel "grown up" yet even though I'm going to be 26 in a few weeks! I'm not in school now and really wanted to finish before I became a mom and have more "us" time with my man. But now it's completely different, I'm used to the idea of me being a mother and I've talked to my mom and sister a lot and they just make me feel so excited and tell me how great I'm going to be!

You're going to be a great mom and step mom to your husband's son. He's probably just acting up because he's going through that, "you're not my mommy!" stage you know? Definitely just take one day at a time and go out to lunch with some friends or even to a cafe like Tinky suggested by yourself. There is so much to stress and worry about with the upcoming arrival of baby girl and I know that can cause a strain on any relationship at times. I think marriage counseling would be a good idea too because sometimes it just helps talking to someone who's not biased and getting advice!
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April 27th, 2013, 09:55 PM
mamalamb's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,079
Try to hang in there! I was 24 when we had DD1 (also very planned), and it was rough. Dh and I had a lot of issues both during and after the pregnancy and it was really miserable, actually! It definitely did not help that DD1 was born early and had a few issues, major colic, etc. It put even more strain on an already very strained situation. It was HARD, I am not going to lie, but we got through it and now, as happy as we are, looking back, I can't even believe it was ever that hard LOL. We never did go to counseling, just sort of muddled our way through it, we both knew that for us, giving up on the marriage was just not an option, so we had to figure it out. I DO think counseling would have been helpful, though, so maybe look into that. PM me if you ever want to talk about it
Ella, age 10
Abby, age 6
Max, age 3

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April 28th, 2013, 12:08 AM
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: GA
Posts: 1,962
The ladies above have given some great advice and I agree with all that has been said, good luk and everything will work out do not be so hard on yourself!
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April 28th, 2013, 08:28 AM
Fins's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 990
((hugs)) I think it's totally normal to be going through this. I'm 37 and I have days where I don't feel ready for this baby. I'm too selfish, I don't have patience, this is going to be such a huge change and I will resent it <-- those feelings. It doesn't help that DH is gone and I feel like I'm doing this by myself and then other days I'm over the moon excited.

I know it's hard to talk about and feel free to PM me any time! Life with baby is not like the commercials & magazine ads where everyone looks happy and you have this cute little accessory to carry around.

As far as your marriage I don't really have much advice because I don't know fully what's going on but I'm here for you!
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April 28th, 2013, 10:11 AM
DeletedUser12345's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2,668
I'm so sorry you are having marriage issues.. My divorce went final during this pregnancy and this pregnancy was not at all planned for me (ex is not the father.. But he was already re-engaged when I got pregnant).. I'm glad at times I'm doing it solo but have been through my share of marital issues including a dss with a mother who didn't like me and only spoke Spanish so slight language issue. I'm 24 and definitely miss college days, too (graduated at 21).. And now I live all the way across the country from people I know and the people I did know are no longer really talking to me since I got pregnant. The ladies here are keeping me sane until I join a moms group after this little man comes so I can meet new people. If you ever need to rant or talk privately, I'm here pretty regularly.

Just the fact that you are worrying about being a good mommy means to me that you are definitely going to do a good job because you care and you are going to try. And about the old life, you will definitely have more social opportunities with a little one in the picture, too. Try not to stress too much. I know now it is overwhelming but I have confidence in you. I agree with the other women 100%. This will pass.
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