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well, I just don't know what to do.

Forum: 2013 Playroom


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May 7th, 2013, 09:16 AM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 4,923
It doesn't sound to me like he's worried about anyone but his own feelings. There has been absolutely no consideration of what you want or how you feel. Not in the last pregnancy and not in this one.

It's time that you put yourself and the baby first. Make plans for living without him. That doesn't mean you have to end things with him, just be prepared for the possibility without him. If he comes around and decides to be involved? Wonderful. If not? You'll still have all your ducks in a row. His opinion about this working doesn't matter at all as long as you've determined to find the finances to make this work.
LadybugBanana and Celinda_n like this.
Wife to sweet husband Jeff and mother to 2 beautiful girls: Emily (2) and Jocelyn (1).

May 7th, 2013, 09:18 AM
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 79
Another approach to consider... would you let someone take your 2 year old son/daughter from you (if you had one)? I highly doubt it. So why let someone take your unborn child from you now?

In the womb or outside the womb - there is no difference. Did you know that the bible book of Psalms (chapter 139, verse 16) says that God notices even embryos? God takes the time and effort to notice a child while still in the womb... does that not show the importance of an unborn baby?

May 7th, 2013, 10:29 AM
*Leah*'s Avatar TTC the newfashioned way
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,614
Originally Posted by JaeSung View Post
First I must say I am not religious, and mentioning that offends me.
Offends you? You having an abortion less than a year ago, and contemplating another one, as a form of birth control offends ME.

I tried for 4 years to have my daughter and another year and a half for this pregnancy. I do not think you value yourself at all. Or that baby. This is the most precious thing in life, and you are taking it for granted. Thousands of women every day PRAY for this miracle. Can't you see that? Women spend THOUSANDS of dollars for this priviledge, and you just want to throw it away for this man?

Please do not let this man make decisions for you. You can do anything you set your mind to, you just have to believe you can do it. Stop listening to him say you can't. What do you know deep down you can do?

And I have known MANY women that would give anything to be in your shoes and pregnant. There are so many wonderful couples out there that would adopt your baby in a heartbeat and give him/her the best home possible, if you believe you can't. Do not make another rash decision you will regret. Please.

This man is wanting no commitment from you, and he just is being selfish and wants no ties to the future with you, when he ultimately leaves. Can't you see how manipulative and controlling he is?
TTC#1 since 10/2006, 5 failed IUI's, 1st IVF successful BFP!! Baby Girl 2/2011
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IVF#2 BFP 4/2013 M/C 6/2/13 (8 weeks)
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Last edited by *Leah*; May 7th, 2013 at 11:40 AM.
May 7th, 2013, 10:53 AM
KMH KMH is offline
TTCMA Cheer Captain
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: right of center
Posts: 19,318
I don't understand the question anymore?!?

You said if you got pregnant again, you'd keep the baby.
He said if you got pregnant and kept the baby, he'd leave.

Sounds to me like you are having a baby as a single mom! While you might not be prepared right now, this baby deserves 110% of you, so it is time to put on your big-girl pants and get ready! The ladies here have given you tons of great advice and resources to find people and programs that will help you along the way. Congrats and good luck!

Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (5), Abigail (3) and George (3)

May 7th, 2013, 11:08 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 728
Jae, you need to really need to understand that while some will sympathize with you, there are others like myself that don't. You are 40 years old, and here looking for people to coddle you about your bad decision making skills. It's just hard for me to feel bad for you. You should feel guilty because you'd terminate your CHILD to keep a man. I won't respond to your posts anymore because its pointless. Do what you want. In the words of Jay Z, "what you eat don't make me s**t." Meaning what you do affects me in no way. Good day.

May 7th, 2013, 11:41 AM
HorseGal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Kansas
Posts: 4,719
I don't see why you bother to give him the option at this choice "he can leave you but you won't leave him". Stop acting like a piece of property that he can toy with at his disposal. Have some self respect and stand up for yourself and that child. If the father of my child said something like that to me he'd find himself on the curb faster then he could run his stupid little mouth again. And from there the next time he heard from my would be the state garnishing his checks
May 7th, 2013, 11:55 AM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,794
I would have taken your last baby and I'll take this one too. I was 6 months pregnant and caught my husband cheating on me. I left him and raised my child alone for two amazing years until I meant my new DH. I am having a hard time following you at all on anything. Your body, your baby and your responsibility.

My dear - I feel that God is exactly what you need. You should give HIM a try and drop this guy!
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
May 7th, 2013, 12:31 PM
monkeymama2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Suburbs of Chicago
Posts: 1,922
Originally Posted by JaeSung View Post
I am not looking for coddling. I have guilt not for this, but because of the decision I made last time. Just curious why you replied this time.

It's no skin off my nose if you don't reply anymore.
Then what ARE you looking for? I think everyone sympathizes with the fact that the father of your child has noinyerest I you or the child. But no sympathy for you saying you won't leave him--you'll let HIM leave YOU. what's the difference? Why any more thought about him?

And I can see that you are saying you will not be terminating the pregnancy this time. I get that. But what is still hard is your casual reference to "killing kids". Even in reference to him. It's brutal, and unnecessary, at least on this board.
May 7th, 2013, 12:37 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 4,693
ISP are you saying the birth control failed? I'm a little lost? Anyway, be thankful that he is being honest with you. I know it sounds slimy but he is being honest and to me that is better than him sticking around till you give birth then bailing. He doesn't have to want to have a child. And he doesn't. So you need to decide how you will handle the baby by yourself. I'm just going on record as saying babies are expensive, time consuming lifetime responsibility. It's hard when you are in a loving marriage to raise kids. I do not believe in abortion but adoption should definitely be considered too. Good luck. Get better birth control.
May 7th, 2013, 01:07 PM
kara74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,388
She got off birth control in November which was several months BEFORE getting pregnant this time around. Not even sure why she's bringing up the fact that she was on birth control in November, she didn't get pregnant in November. Something is wrong with this situation. I suspect the OP has a mental illness of some sort. The talk of "killing" a baby is disgusting and offensive. This is either a troll or a sick individual.

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