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BFing fight (kind of long vent)

Forum: 2013 Playroom


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  • 2 Post By Kim3
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August 11th, 2013, 06:25 AM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Maryland, near DC
Posts: 1,473
I took Anna and Lena to my sister's house at her invitation for the four of us to spend the day together. We went to lunch and then were heading downtown to take Anna to see some boats and get cupcakes. On the way, I warned my sister that when Lena got hungry, I would be nursing her with my cover on. This led to a conversation about NIP. She said she doesn't understand why everyone doesn't just formula feed or pump and put it in a bottle. I explained the health benefits to BF and what a literal and figurative pain it is to EP, since I did that with Anna. She seemed ok with the fact that I was going to nurse Lena, but when the time came in the cupcake shop, she got really funky with me. Every 2 mins she would mention the time and ask if I was almost done. I offered to walk while she ate, but that wasn't ok either. A bunch of people came and went while we were there, most with kids, and no one gave us a second glance. But my sister was ridiculous. Then we went back to her house and Lena got hungry again and was screaming like mad. I started to feed her again and my sister immediately said to me, "Ok, I really done with this whole breastfeeding thing." ?!? I asked her what she wanted me to do. She went back to the bottle thing, insisting everyone should do that. UGH! I went into the kitchen and sat on the floor to try to get Lena to latch on. I think it got hard for her bc I was very obvious stressed out and could not relax at all. I think it impeded the milk flow. She was screaming off and on for the next 40 mins or so before she finally latched on and stayed on to eat. I was in tears. The whole thing just went from bad to worse and started with my sister acting like a you-know-what.

Needless to say, we won't be visiting with my sister again any time soon. At least not until we aren't BFing anymore. She is always talking about "militant breastfeeding moms" who try to shame and belittle moms who formula feed. I totally agree that is absolutely wrong. No one should judge anyone else for how they choose to feed their baby, particularly bc you never know the circumstances under which someone had to switch to formula. But she is a militant bottle feeding... NOT mom. In fact, when I left, she asked me if I was mad at her (I had barely spoken to her since everything went down). I said, "You like to talk about militant breastfeeders, but you are militant about bottles and you don't even have kids." I didn't yell or say it with a nasty tone. Just a matter of fact statement.

She had said something about thinking I pumped and put it in bottles when I nursed at my parents' house a few weeks ago, but she left it at that. I guess she knew my mom would take my side. She BFed with 3 kids. My mom came over last night and I think my sister must have told her I was mad and why bc when I mentioned it to my mom, she nodded, rolled her eyes, and said, "She just doesn't get it." I could care less if strangers want to judge me for NIP. I think that nursing covered up should be a happy medium. I can feed my baby, no one has to see my boob. I don't see what anyone has to be upset about. And strangers can be mad, I don't really care bc I don't feel like I am being inconsiderate. My sister on the other hand, with no kids and a know-it-all attitude, really bothers me. AHHHHH! I just don't even want to be around her with Lena anymore. Anna's bday party is next weekend. I was planning on doing a bottle during the party just bc I think that will be easier, but part of me wants to nurse just so she doesn't think I am doing it bc of what she said...
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August 11th, 2013, 07:15 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 2,153
Your sister should come to my house. I bf with a little light blanket (when someone else is around - otherwise no blanket)- but when she latches you can catch a glimpse if you look and guess what - I don't care By this time in life. my opinion is that my boobs are here for one reason - to feed my baby. I am sure that there will be another time that I find other uses for them but for now sleep exhaustion is fully set in. It is way too hard to bottle feed in public (as then I would need to find a place to pump since I would get huge if I feed with a bottleand don't pump). IMO - if someone finds it "dirty" it is their mind that is "dirty". BM is completely 100% natural. That said, I "try" to be discrete in public. In the end though, my baby having a full tummy comes higher in priority that the risk of someone catching a glance. (And really, how is a boob at all sexy when a baby is latched onto it. If someone is turned on by that, they are really a sicko.)
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August 11th, 2013, 07:50 AM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Maryland, near DC
Posts: 1,473
I def don't cover up at home if it is just me, DH, and the girls, but I do for other people to be considerate. In our conversation prior to actually needing to nurse, I explained to her that pumping and putting it in the bottle means needing to find a place to pump when I give her the bottle so my boobs don't explode, having to lug the pump, a bottle, a cooler to keep the milk safe, and a warmer to warm it up, and the pain of a pump pulling on my nipples like they might rip off. She freaked out at this last part. After this, it didn't seem like it was going to be an issues, but I was wrong. She can get over it or she doesn't have to be around us. It just really burns me. I am mad just thinking about it...
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August 11th, 2013, 08:12 AM
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Floor-ree-dah
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I'm like you. If I'm out in public or at someone's house or having company, I use my udder cover. But at home with just us, I don't cover up. Mainly I cover up around strangers bc I'm shy and don't like to draw attention. I'm not ashamed of NIP, I just don't want to make a big deal out of it bc it shouldn't be a big deal. I've had a couple friends look at me sideways when I start randomly nursing in front of them but I don't respond to it and let them work it out in their own head and they don't say anything. I used to warn them of what I was about to do (with previous babies of mine) but it left me open for a convo about it and honestly I couldn't give 2 craps of their feelings about it. When they fed their baby a bottle in front of me, I said nothing. A) There's nothing wrong with it, B) That's their choice and their kid. I expect the same in return.

Your sister is being poopy-pants and you are doing great. Hopefully she'll get over herself one day. Sorry you went through that!
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August 11th, 2013, 08:32 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: East Coast :)
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I'm so sorry that your sister is acting like this. I think that using a cover is MORE than considerate. I use one(there is nothing discrete about feeding twins) but there was a moment in Macy's where I needed to feed them both and I had nothing to support both babies. I took my cover off and rolled it up. It was either that or someone screamed for 20 minutes while I fed them separately. I figured I would draw less attention uncovered than if I had a screaming baby. I was also in the bra section, if you didn't want to see boobs or bras the you wouldn't be over there.

I'm really mad for you. I've had family make slight comments about I feed them too much (every two hours/on demand if they want it) or I have to cut out the comfort nursing (for the babysitter) but no one has come out and said anything like that especially in public. I'm so sorry. Maybe one day she will have kids and understand.

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August 11th, 2013, 09:04 AM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 26,352
If she doesn't have kids, then she shouldn't get a say in how you feed yours. I will occasionally cover in public depending on where I am. If I am at home with company or at family's houses then I don't cover.
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August 11th, 2013, 09:11 AM
Mom2LillieAidan's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,684
I only cover if there are any boys/men in the house besides DH. If we have company and it's women (be they friends or family) I refuse to cover because they're just boobs and they have them too, although I do warn them first. But so far, everyone just goes on normally. I haven't had a situation where it was necessary to NIP yet, but I plan to just cover.

#1, 4, 5, 7
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August 11th, 2013, 10:03 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,085
I'm so sorry your sister is being so difficult, you should not have to cover up around her. You should feel comfortable around her. I particularly do feel a lil embarrassed to NIP because I have oversized areolas lol if I had normal sized areolas I would totally pull a boob out in public lol, but I do not cover up at home or if I'm at a GFs house, unless there's men around then I would cover up just out of respect. I hope your sis comes to her senses soon. When she has her own kids and learns the benefits of breast feeding then she'll understand where you're coming from
-Hey, it's Genesis

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August 11th, 2013, 12:56 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
If you can, send your sister over to my house and then maybe she could understand how difficult EPing is, especially when you have older children.

Honestly, people who don't pump have no idea how time consuming it is. I'm so used to people when I go to pump asking me in like 5minutes if I was done. Because apparently pumping is like pouring milk into a glass. I ran into this at work a LOT when I had to use the room set aside for me. My Mom came over once and I had JUST set up and sat down with it when she complained that it was taking too long (she wanted to get lunch).

I truly don't understand people who choose EPing over straight breastfeeding (not because of pain or supply issues, they just don't want to put a baby to the breast). I know people do and that that is what is best for them and their families but every time I sit to pump after bottle feeding Rory I long for the easy days of strapping a kid to my boob and then carrying on with life. I could walk, move around, eat dinner, stretch, etc. And would be done in 20minutes instead of the 45 it currently takes.
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'Scuse the bad typing, please. 'Breast is Best' but not when browsing the internet!

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August 12th, 2013, 04:55 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Near Washington DC
Posts: 1,174
I love when people who don't have children have such strong opinions about how children and babies should be raised.

It is quite comical.

Maybe it is because I am an oldest child, but if that was my sister acting like that, I would of told her to go F herself.

I'm kind of mad that you allowed her to affect you to the point of tears. You should of looked at her like she was stupid (because that is what she was being) and go ahead and taken care of your baby and ignored her ignorant behind.

Don't cry. Get angry. Stand up for yourself and your baby!

I had to stop breastfeeding and I wish I didn't but when I was breastfeeding, I never really covered up. I would try at first, then say F it, look at everyone in the room (my sister's boyfriend was visiting once) and said "I'm feeding my baby, and if seeing my boob is going to bother you, I suggest you step outside for 20 minutes."

They laughed and no one really cared.

I have sons and I explained to them that it is mother nature and they were both raised on the tit too. They didn't seem to care and never ogled.

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August 12th, 2013, 10:37 AM
Madison.Hailey.Zack's Avatar Mom of 2 Girls and a Boy!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 11,069
She would not like being at my house then because if its just Mike and the girls I just whip it out and you can see the whole boob minus the nipple which he is attached to. When I go out and know he will need to eat while we are out I plan my clothes so I can lift the top shirt and still have a tank top under so you can't see my stomach or anything. I used a light blanket when we went to the beach once since I had to pull the whole boob out of my bathing suit top or else I would not have used a cover at all. My mom has only once asked me to cover up when I was nursing Zack because there was three young boys at the house at the time and she was afraid they would see something. I looked right at her and ask if she could see anything since I had my top shirt pulled up just enough to latch him and that was it. She said just be careful. That is the only time I understood the whole cover up thing. I have gone into another room at my dads since there was a bunch of people who were just sitting down to eat. But other then that I am discreet but not as afraid to nurse in public like I was with my daughter Hailey.
I'm sorry your sister made such a big deal out of it. And the fact that she has no kids of her own would have caused me to give her a piece of my mind. Hugs mama

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August 12th, 2013, 12:42 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Clovis, CA
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Oh I am fuming for you! Huge hugs Hun! People need to get over it! Breasts for feeding babies end of story.
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August 12th, 2013, 08:47 PM
Madison.Hailey.Zack's Avatar Mom of 2 Girls and a Boy!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 11,069
To me to a cover attracts more attention to what your doing rather then just feeding then.

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August 12th, 2013, 10:35 PM
mommy220's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,191
Wow I am so mad for you!! You need to put her in get place! That was extremely rude of her!!

I am getting better and better at nip. Sometimes I feel like a cover is more obvious depending on situation.

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August 13th, 2013, 02:37 AM
SassySami's Avatar Crunchy mama
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,078
Oh what a *****! Sorry but she is. If that was my sister, it would be a knock down drag out fight. Tell she has her own children, she has no voice about how anyone feeds their children .she needs to grow the hell up.
She can cone to my house, where I go braless, whip it out and tandem nurse! A 30 month old and a 7 week old

Sami, married to Joe, mama to Debra (9), Kaydence (7), Nolan (2) and Jarek born 6/26/2013, unassisted at home

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August 13th, 2013, 05:05 PM
Steph625's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South Bloomfield, Ohio
Posts: 828
That just stinks that your sister has that opinion especially since she doesn't have kids. I think you are being more than considerate to cover up. Im not sure I would if I was breastfeeding in front of my own female member of my family.

I use a cover up if I have guest over and they are male. Typically if I have my girlfriends over, I warn them then just pull it out. None seem to mind or even care.
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