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Had my first parent/teacher conference today. Ouch!! O/T

Forum: 2013 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By HorseGal
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October 24th, 2013, 03:03 PM
blakesgirl09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,709
It sucks hearing that your children aren't the perfect angels that you hope they are when they aren't in your presence. Not that I thought she was, not even for a second. Her dad and I have joint custody so she's not with me all the time and I know she acts differently with me than she does with him and vise versa. She's almost too smart for her own good and at 6, that's never good. Apparently she doesn't do her work that she's assigned in class. When asked 'WHY?" Her answer is either "I don't know," or "I didn't want to." SERIOUSLY????? She sent me home with a stack of assignments that need to be completed this weekend. Her teacher asked us if we had her tested for GT. That answer is NO. She's in first grade and they can only be tested twice. If she's not doing the easy work, because she "doesn't want to," why should we believe that she'd do the harder work just because it's more of a challenge. Maybe she would, I don't know, I've never dealt with this before. On Monday, they had a pre-test on their spelling test. Remember, she's in first grade, the words are SUPER easy. IT, OF, THE, things like that. Apparently she missed EVERY SINGLE WORD, but she reads chapter books, like 200 page CHAPTER BOOKS. Her teacher brought her up to her desk and asked her to spell the words verbally and she spelt them the same way giggling about it. As if saying, "I'm smart, and I know I'm smart, I don't need to spell this to prove it to you." From what I understand, if they pass the pre-test, they get harder words and her dad thinks she just doesn't want the harder words, well in my opinion, that's a problem! Her REAL spelling test is tomorrow morning, so we'll see what happens there. I asked her teacher, on a percentage, how much of her work is she not completing. 40%!!! That's a lot. She said that the work she does do, she does well and that she is the top reader in the class. Should we have her tested? Last year, we didn't have a problem with her not doing the work, we had a problem with her talking too much. The work was fine. This year, apparently she doesn't really talk all that much, if she does, her teacher didn't mention it. I really REALLY like her teacher this year. She is definitely willing to work with her and find out what works. My fear is, that as soon as we find out what that is, it'll be time to move to the next grade, and a new teacher. Sheesh!!! Thanks for listening though, it's been one of those days!

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October 24th, 2013, 03:23 PM
HorseGal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Kansas
Posts: 4,719
What is GT?

If she is reading chapter books and understanding them... I would say she probably is just playing. Sounds like she needs motivation. Lol. Sounds like a tough situation. Good luck getting it figured out. I know the two households back and forth can make parenting and knowing how to deal with a situation difficult. Mine is only 2.5 and I'm realizing that
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October 24th, 2013, 03:35 PM
anybodyinthere's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I will PM you...

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October 24th, 2013, 04:46 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
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My oldest is gifted. We had the same issues with him in kindergarten. He hated doing work but went in reading on a third grade level. Turns out by second grade we found out he is ADHD. He wouldn't focus or should I say couldn't focus and just wouldn't do his work but passed every test with 100. And did his homework because he was home and I was on him for it. He really couldn't focus in class to "finish" his work because he didn't feel like it or was bored.
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October 24th, 2013, 05:40 PM
CherryLimeade's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,060
I would sit down with your daughter and talk to her. Not just asking her "why" she doesn't do the work, but asking her specifically "are you not doing the work because it's boring?" Ask her if she would rather do work that's harder. If she says yes, explain to her that she needs to first get on top if the easy work to show her teacher that she already knows the easy stuff - because she obviously does. It couldn't hurt to have her tested for GT, even if you choose not to move her to that program.

My youngest sister and I have always been above average in school, and from personal experience, it does feel demeaning to be stuck working on things that are just too easy. I can also tell you that above average kids usually thrive on independence, so try letting her have a say in the decision-making process.

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October 24th, 2013, 06:18 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
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I was TG in school, and before I got moved up i was "problematic" in class. once i was tested and doing work that was on my level, i was fine. my issues were more talking than anything else - i did my work, but i half a-s-s-ed it because i thought it was stupid and thought to myself "seriously a 2 year old could do this, why am i wasting my time?" i wonder if you googled it, if you could find some TG testing resources and do some on your own, to get a feel for how she ranks v using up one of your "chances" through the school?

Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
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October 24th, 2013, 06:37 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: CA
Posts: 1,676
I think the other ladies gave you some great advice. Nothing to add here, except {{hugs}}. I understand the challenges of having a child that goes back and forth weekly (joint custody). Hang in there mama!

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October 24th, 2013, 06:48 PM
DavidandJaidonsmomma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Houston, TX
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It definitely sounds like she should be tested for GT. It seems to me that she is bored and annoyed with the work given to her. Let us know what you decide. In the meantime ((HUGS))

Bree - Mom to David - 10 & Jaidon - 8
Beta 4/25 @ 16dpo 622 4/29 @ 20dpo 2013
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October 24th, 2013, 11:05 PM
Beautiful Life!
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,081
Lol. I laugh because of how much I understand. I've had several phone calls with my son's teacher this year and we still have a few weeks until parent teacher conference. My son is very smart and has always been the top of his class, but he struggles with staying focused to get his work done. This year I learned of sensory processing disorder and he is receiving help from an occupational therapist which we're hoping is going to help him start focusing. My little brother was the same way and in the gifted program in school, but has always had a hard time focusing as well.

My own take on what you said is going on is it sounds like your daughter is looking for attention for it and it sounds like it's working. I don't know if you've ever heard of love and logic parenting, but I strongly recommend it. It works for me, so my son doesn't get away with me wasting my energy on him not doing his schoolwork, but rather his energy is spent on his problem. And if you're interested in learning more about sensory processing disorder, or seeing if it would be helpful to your daughter, I would call the child development center in your area and ask them who does testing for the disorder in your area. Of course you could just read up on it online first and see if sounds valuable to you or not.

Just my thoughts! Hope your relationship with her teacher stays good, it always seem I like my son's teacher's to start with, but my opinions change as the year goes on depending on how they continue working with me to help educate my son. Good Luck!

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October 25th, 2013, 12:29 AM
JulieC7's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Berlin, Germany
Posts: 346
If I were her teacher (and I have taught elementary) I would be playing close attention to what she is doing INSTEAD of working. I would be noticing a pattern

It might not have anything to do with the work being too easy or too hard-- there are sooooo many possibilities and it sounds like the teacher is differentiating appropriately (a child who found the spelling list too easy would want to pass the pretest to get the harder words).

Is there a pattern? Does she not do work when another kid is around to talk to her instead? Does she not do work right after lunch? Does she not do work while an aide is in the room? Does she refuse to do one particular subject?

Sometimes parents want to jump straight to "Oh she must be too smart" and teachers want to jump straight to "learning disability." But when a kid who is otherwise acting well in school just says "I don't want to" there is ALWAYS something else going on. Asking her directly isn't going to get there because she might not understand herself why she is doing it.

Ask the teacher for the missing assignments and try to work through them with your daughter one-on-one. If she zooms through just fine, I would start looking for other things. Like, can she see the directions on the board? Can she hear the directions? What would happen if her seat were moved?
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October 25th, 2013, 06:49 AM
blakesgirl09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
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Kendal- GT is Gifted and Talented. And the blended family thing is tough. You're right. Her dad and I split up before she was 2 so she's never really known any different. She was 2 when Blake and I got together and 4 when her dad and step mom got together. She doesn't remember a time when they weren't around. All she knows is that she has 4 parents who are very involved in her life and love her very much. Sometimes she uses that to her advantage. A little too often

Marti- I PM'd you back

NCRG- Last year when we started having these problems we initially thought, ADD. We've had her in counseling for almost a year and she has had lots of assessments done and thus far, they have found no markers. However, yesterday, her teacher mentioned a few times, having to re-direct her more often than she'd like. We will definitely continue with the counseling and maybe something will turn up.

Cherry- It seems like you have described my daughter to a T. She is VERY independent. Always has been. What you said makes sense and I'm picking her up early today so we'll talk then.

Chels- That's also a great idea. It's not really that I'm worried about "wasting" the chance at school. I'm more worried that since she's not doing the easy stuff, what makes me think she'd do the hard stuff? I'm going to start looking today for resources online.

Thanks Jan and Bree!

Mindy- I will definitely look into the things that you mentioned. Last year, I wasn't a fan of her teacher at all so this year is a HUGE improvement. Last year, it seemed that her teacher wanted to automatically label her a "problematic" instead of working to find a solution. This year it's totally different and I appreciate that.

Julie- I will ask about a pattern because that absolutely makes sense. From what I gathered, it was more that she gets distracted easily as opposed to not doing the work at specific times. I have all the missing assignments and we will be working on them this weekend, together. Last year, we thought her vision was the problem, but she's had glasses since November of last year. We've already adjusted her prescription this school year due to her not being able to see the board but that was the first week of class. As far as her hearing, she had 3 set of tubes before she was 2. She's also had her adnoids removed. We have her hearing checked regularly on our own because of the possibility of scar tissue in relation to hearing loss so we are fairly confident that her hearing isn't an issue at this point. I asked if she sat in a group with anyone that was a "distraction" to her and she said no, that she had already moved her once. This is the reason that I like her teacher, she seems to be super proactive with fixing the problem from her end, I just wish I knew how to fix it at my end.

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October 25th, 2013, 07:17 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
OH, Angie! It sounds like it could be a couple of things, already mentioned. I second the idea of looking online for an example GT test and trying it on her to see how she fares. Also, it wouldn't hurt looking into the ADHD or even sensory perception issues, as this could also be reason for her distractions. The good thing is she's still young and discovering this NOW will help her so much in the long run. It's amazing that she loves to read so well, but perhaps she does so in her own peace and quiet, where extra distractions are minimized?

I've no doubt your little smarty girl will excel it's just getting on top of it all, which is not easy, to really boost those chances early on.

I also agree with the love & logic idea, but between 2 households, it may be difficult for her, unless your ex and his wife are also on board with it. It can be quite effective!
Gwynne, celebrating the newest of our four precious miracles

Hat's off to Vicki for my cute siggy, thank you!
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