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Bully Question - OT

Forum: 2013 Playroom


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October 29th, 2013, 07:13 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 2,153
I am trying to decide what to do and looking for thoughts of you ladies.

I have a 10 year old son (who will be 11 in one month) in 5th grade. He rides the bus home 4 times per week with his brother (9 years old). They go to a really nice private school and the public school provides the bus. It is one of those 1/2 bus with just 14 kids on it ranging from K-12. The one family has 4 kids. You can see there are a limited number of families with kids on the bus. The ride home is 1 hour 20 minutes (hence why I take him in the morning = the school is only 25 minutes from our house).

There is one boy in 7th grade who has always been a pain. Now my son has Asperger's (which is a type of mild autism). What it means is that he is book smart (and naturally bright) and lacks social skills. It is not that he is mean or does bad things. Rather, he gets obsessed on topics and can talk non-stop about this. It used to be the weather in Kindergarten. Now it is Skylanders and Pokemon. He can memorize anything and knows the traits about everything in those games. We have worked with him to stop talking to people if the person shows no interest (ie: try not to be annoying and recognize the social sign that someone does not want to be bugged). So I know that my son is not the perfect angel - although he is not mean.

That said, this boy has really been getting to my son. Everyday on the bus he calls our son names. He calls him Fat, Tubby, Gay, Wimpy, Chicken, and Aleksandra (girl version of his name Aleksander). He also jumps into his seat and tries to use him as a backrest. Yesterday, the boys younger sister (who is in first grade) hit our son in the groin. (I asked if it was an accident - I was told she was sitting in another seat and had to reach over to do it). My 9 year old is also on the bus and confirms what the older one tells me.

I talked with my son to say that he is not any of the names he is being called. We also talked that such teasing does not make sense. We discussed that at 10 he has no idea if he will grow up to love a girl or a boy - but it makes no sense to tease someone about who they love. We spoke that body size is due to metabolism and has nothing to do with what type of person someone is (by the way, he is 91 pounds and in 5th grade. A little heavy but not morbidly obese).

What would you do. I do not know the parents, but can find their telephone number and e-mail in the parent directory. would you call them? Would you tell the school (our principal has encourages parents to call them with any concerns). It is a small bus - it will be obvious who complained. I do not want things to get worse. It needs to stop though. I see all the things in the paper about kids committing suicide overy bullying.

I try hard to bring our children up correctly in life. We send out children to a religious school (although it is an independent school - not parochial). I just believe if you are religious you believe that all beings are those of God and that we have no right to judge anyone for how God created them. You do not need to be friends with everyone, but you have no right to be mean to anyone. The school has assemblies on bullying, I just think there are some families who do not follow up at home. Perhaps I am wrong or overreacting. I know that name calling has gone on for generations.

What would you do.

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October 29th, 2013, 10:28 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 903
ugh my heart goes out to you and your son that is awful that he is being bullied. i'm not sure what i would do in your situation. i'd say call the school or bus garage about it but like you said it would be obvious and you dont want to bring on more bullying but at the same time something needs to be done. maybe they could switch which bus he is on?
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October 29th, 2013, 10:40 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 2,153
There is only one bus - so no options there. In PA, the public school must provide transportation to all private schools that are within 10 miles of the school boundary line. Therefore, our public school provides the transportation. However, we live in a large geographic area - but not many kids go to this independent school. So there is one bus for the entire district.

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October 29th, 2013, 11:34 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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I think since it's been going on for a bit now it's time to step in. I would call to talk to the principal and see what they want to do from there. Huge hugs Hun!

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October 29th, 2013, 12:04 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,625
I would call the school. Since it's happening on the bus, I think the school should take care of it. I've worked in schools and know that in a school that has a zero tolerance policy on bullying, they should take care of it within the school. If you find no change, or the school does nothing, then I would call the parents.

Thank you *Kiliki* for the beautiful siggy
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October 29th, 2013, 03:41 PM
lhug_nar's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sorry you and your son are going through this. I would go to the principal and see what your options are.
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October 29th, 2013, 03:46 PM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. I do not have any experience to share as a parent (we homeschool) but I hope you find a way to resolve the problem. I guess contacting the school and taking it from there is a reasonable plan.
~Jennifer, wife of one, mother of many

Robert: 20 Raechel: 18 Daniel: 15 Joseph: 13 Thomas: 10 Mary Mae: 7 Lucy Marie: 5 John Anthony: 2 AND Baby due Dec. 2015

Always Missing our Angels: Hope (7-8-06 @36w); Francis (7-4-12 @12w); Charlie (1-19-15 @ 6w)

Congratulations Raechel and Kaleb, married May, 2015

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October 29th, 2013, 11:04 PM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Minneapolis
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I would first go to the principal and then give a little time and see if it stops if not then I would contact the parents. I hate bullying. My heart goes out to your son and you! And he is a very cute kid BTW and I didn't think he was overweight at all. Encourage him to let you know if what the bully is bothering him in anyway...hopefully your talk was enough but stress to him to let you know if it still bothers him.
I was picked on by some richer girls(think mean girls) when I moved to a new city to go to school after my dad gave custody of me to my mom. And it was awful. It had nothing to do with how I looked physically instead it was about that I was poor and couldn't afford the expensive designer stuff. And too this day if I see a group of high school age snobby type girls in a store I will go to another part of the store to avoid and get away and I will have a panic attack if I can't get away from girls like that. And I am a very strong person emotionally and it left a scar on me being bullied. So if I were you and nothing fixes it I would try to find a way to drive them home myself or have a family me member take them home. Ugh poor kiddo

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October 30th, 2013, 05:34 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 2,153
Karry - thanks My Mom offered to pick him up yesterday, today is a teacher in service and I get him tomorrow. We are trying hard to make arrangements to limit bus time. The thing that irks me is that we should not have to re-arrange work schedules, etc because some other kid cannot act like a descent human being.

I agree that bulling can have an effect on people. When I was in the lower grades, we grew up in a mobile home. My Mom is my Dad's second marriage, so when I was little he was also paying child support for my 1/2 sister (and that was the right thing to do). My Mom did not want to have debt so we lived very frugally. I think everything in the world came from K-Mart. My Mom is a wonderful person (very different from me, but wonderful). She pinched every penny and tried everything to make sure we would excell in school and go to college. I heard the words of the bus - anyone who lived in a mobile home park was trailer trash. It really hurt because my parents love us with everything they have. Made me work really hard to graduate number 2 in my class and get scholarships. I think it drove me to chose a career with financial stability. However, it hurt bad to be made fun of for not having the "Guess jeans" in 4th grade, and the like. It is ironic. I now try to install in my children that those things do not matter but on the side still buy them things to prevent the teasing (yes, my son had Abercrombie at 8). Funny thing is that now we are financially secure and I could care less about buying fancy things for myself. I think Target is great. It seems silly to pay extra for a tag. It took me until I am turning 40 to realize that all I really want is to be surrounded by my three kids and know that the mortgage gets paid.

I wish kids could understand this now.

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October 30th, 2013, 10:41 AM
ashleykathleen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,612
I would definitely call the school. It is unacceptable behavior from any child, especially a 7th grader, and I would not tolerate it. If the school does nothing, call the parents. If nothing happens from there, go over all of their heads and let the media know what is being allowed.

It may seem like overkill, but I'm a mama bear when it comes to my kids. I have talked extensively to Jaleigh about how we should never say or do anything to someone that might hurt their feelings (even if she thinks they are weird or different). We live by the golden rule in our house and I have also stressed to her that if she sees someone being bullied she should say something to the bully and/or teacher. I refuse to teach my children to look the other way.

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October 30th, 2013, 01:10 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 26,352
Definitely call the school. They are still the responsibility of the school while on the bus, so those rules still apply. That is terrible behavior! I hate that your son has to deal with that.

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