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Thinking About Leaving My Job/First World Whine/Long Vent (Like This Title)

Forum: 2013 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By QL1516

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April 28th, 2014, 02:01 PM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,893
I've not made it back full time like I'm sure my bosses hoped. I never changed my schedule from the part time 20 hours that I set up upon my return. I have worked over the 20 every week, especially since my boss had a baby a month ago. (The owners are a married couple so that meant they were both out.) I guess they got used to my being there later because when I left at my scheduled time today, I got a call asking what was up and I was then questioned on my schedule for the week. (Logan has his 6 month tomorrow afternoon, I'm typically off Wednesday, but agreed to try to go in.)The call came from the bosses home because they're only in part time as well.

I dunno. It just left a bad taste in my mouth. Last week I'm being thanked because when I do leave, I'm still working from home. The week before it's a bonus for extra work on deadlines. (How about we launch the new website in two days? I'll be giving birth the day after, nothing is ready, but this is the time. And I did it.) Other employees are banking way more, granted sales always does, but a friend of mine told me how her combined bonuses in December basically added up to 25% of what I made all last year (including my mostly unpaid maternity leave). She just bought a new car, another girl just bought a new car. Both have been there less time than me. Both bust their ***, but so do I. I know that replacing me would be hard, because I'm all over the place in job duties and I pick up other stuff as needed and I'm good at it all. In a company of about 10 people, mine would be a noticeable absence. I'm managing a website, pricing, marketing. Yes, one of the bosses knows mostly how to do it all, but she doesn't have a graphic design bone in her body. Combine the graphics with the technical and good luck replacing me.

SO would love for me to stay home. He likes being the man, the breadwinner. He had a rough couple years before me and is getting his mojo back. He likely could bring in enough to allow me to stay home, but he often declines jobs because they conflict with my work. He's making more than 5 times what I do per hour. But I also like taking care of my own. I've done it on my own for 10 plus years. I've got my own house, my own car. I've struggled and had help during desperate times which has only reinforced my desire to have my own reliable income. I haven't quite gotten my head wrapped around the concept or reality of a two person household, of a marriage so to speak.

But it's one thing to fight to for this when it's a job I love and a whole other if it starts turning into a stressful situation. Why fight and be miserable if I don't have to. Not that I'm miserable yet, but if this call today was an indication of what's to come, I will be. I mean, call me when **** isn't getting done. I work with the ever changing responsibilities and priorities and still save you money because I'm here less doing multiple jobs. Do you think you can hire a graphic designer and get them to do data entry and price analysis? I guess maybe in this economy, but where were they when you were looking and hired me on the spot?

It's just a huge leap of faith to let someone else take financial care of me. If I leave the workforce, I'm potentially killing a lot of chances to get back in without first going to school. And I'm afraid I'll not like the feeling of, well feeling like I'm spending someone else's money to the point that I'd not go to lunch, that I'd not splurge.

I'm such a whiner. I know it's a fabulous problem to have, but if I leave and something happens to SO, it's a terrifying problem to have. I just had to vent/ramble to see if it became clearer afterwards. My mom was helping with watching Logan twice a week, but that's no more. I've hoped that I wouldn't have to have Logi in daycare for awhile, so again, if I don't have to, why if it's just misery all around? We're lucky we can work it like we have. I'm just struggling with losing my independence as I see it, I guess.

"He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." ~ Forrest Gump
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April 28th, 2014, 03:55 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freaking Louisiana
Posts: 9,231
I felt weird about spending "Dh's money" when I first left the workforce, but I got over it quickly. I went through the birth of HIS CHILD. I deserved it. lol Plus even if he is the one working, half of his income is mine by Louisiana law. Goes both ways.

I guess they made the mistake of expecting you to always work outside your hours. That's on them. If you do end up staying home, sounds like you'll have a good handle on it. As for asking for money, I normally ask DH what our budget is, and then I spend accordingly. I just take his card, ask if we can blow X amount. My MIL makes her husband give her an allowance. They have more income so he hands her $100 in cash every week. Sometimes she gets groceries, so do I, and sometimes she goes splurging. I don't do that as much. Tight budget.

Back when women didn't make money like men, a man once advised husbands to give women money, and then not ask about where it was going. Or if she asked for money, just hand it over no questions asked. something like that. That's good advise even today IMO.
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April 28th, 2014, 07:06 PM
MrsPea's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Somerville, MA
Posts: 1,946
Since I've met DH I've been through 2 unemployment spells and I suppose I got a chance to not feel the guilt anymore now that I'm home. Not to mention I don't just sit on my butt spending his money willy nilly. Staying at home is actually work. I don't know how I would feel about leaving the workforce if we weren't married though. Like you said what if something happened to him? Would you and Logan be cared for in his absence? If he was injured where would that leave you? DH and I have gone over things making sure I'm his beneficiary, but if we missed something, then I have the law on my side.

My mom and step father aren't married and they jumped through a lot of hoops setting up a trust that names her as beneficiary, otherwise everything would go to a relative who certainly wouldn't give her anything.

I don't mean to harp on marriage, but you sound very independent and you guys should really work out legal logistics if you are going to remove yourself from the workforce for a while.

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April 28th, 2014, 08:02 PM
Cccbb61013's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 492
I've never had a problem spending DH's money hehe. But that's because it's my money too. I run the household (1/2 of the time I run it alone because he is working in places like Alaska), I manage the finances & I paid the bills while he went to school. So it is our money, not his. We both get the same amount of "spending" money & I control what we can & can't buy (it'd be a disaster if he could just buy what he wanted). I do buy myself most things that I want & need but rarely am I wasteful. He is, which is why I initially say no to most things he wants ("I need $300 seat covers now" "I need $200 boots in jan so I can wear them to break them in for august), but will try my hardest to find it in the budget to eventually get him what he wants. It just might not be as fast as he wants.When I went on maternity leave my hours got cut & I haven't been asked to return yet. It didn't matter at first because he was making over 20x more than me a week. I really wasn't contributing but towards groceries at best. When he took a job closer to home & we could barely keep our heads above water, well that's not exactly true, we always had enough to survive. We just had to cut back on our spending which sucked bad, I felt so guilty that I wasn't contributing. But he doesn't want me to work. And I don't want to either. I love being home with the boys & DH has so much time off it's nice being home with him too. Since money was getting so tight, he accepted another position with his old employer which is going to give us some breathing room & is going to make him feel like the big bad man again.
I've never really had a job that I liked & was flexible. If I did, that would be he only reason I would want to work. Well that & money. Otherwise, as long as money isn't totally stressing you out, being a stay at home mom is awesome. And if he wants you to do it, then you shouldn't feel weird about it.
Definitely a tough call though. If it were me & deep down I liked it, I'd probably stick it out a little longer & see what happens. If they continued with that type of behavior then I'd be gone.

Last edited by Cccbb61013; April 28th, 2014 at 08:03 PM. Reason: Hope that makes sense. I'm drinking wine & bud light.
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April 29th, 2014, 11:20 AM
soul_donut's Avatar Melissa
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,117
Hey Leah .. If I were you I would just work the hours and the days that you had mutually agreed upon before the baby was born. *** off boss and wife, taking advantage of you. Working double the hours, your partner makes 10 times as much as you do when you consider you're working for free and it's cutting into your time at home. Maddening! People piss me off sometimes! You could always look to do freelance in your field if you really are a place that you don't necessarily NEED the income (not addressing your feelings of wanting to earn a salary, I totally get it) but it gives you wiggle room. Stick to your guns, and what can they say? You're slacking? You're doing what you agreed on and it sounds like the same or more than they are. As a boss/business owner, I also think it's important to keep your people square - one person shouldn't be earning a ton more or less if skills/education/expertise is similar unless you want a mutiny on your hands. I'd just see how it goes and move forward accordingly! GL!
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April 30th, 2014, 01:08 PM
ILoveStorm2011's Avatar Mack :)
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,398
I agree with everyone above I was in the same-ish situation. They wanted me to work a lot, I didn't NEED to work (Dh got promoted), and plus daycare costs a lot. So I quit. I miss my own income - but I rarely ask DH for money. We have an agreement that we each get 100$ to spend a month on whatever and if we want to go over that we will talk, but otherwise it's my money too!
I would do what makes you happy! Maybe keep working and save what you can then quit when you want to and just keep the extra spending money?
Excuse me if my typing is bad There's probably a baby in my arms.
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May 2nd, 2014, 07:39 PM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,893
Thanks for the feedback. Listening, maybe I would get over the guilt. You guys are right - staying home and running a household is work too. It's never been natural to me, so maybe I'd even feel I earned it even more then.

Nothing has been said at work since, so I'm just kind of waiting it out, seeing how it goes for the moment. I'm trying to give the hormonal just had a baby benefit of the doubt to the 'tude I felt earlier this week, but keeping my radar up. (Funny, I just got a text request asking for an extra something for the sales department in Monday. Ears must have been burning.) But the more I thought about it, the more it irks me that the earning potential is do different. Yeah, sales should have potential to earn a lot obviously, and I get that, but then I started thinking about how often I'm interrupted by sales, or how much time I spend to get sales selling tools. More than the money though, it's simply being treated what I'm worth. And I had been, or felt so, until recently. I understand you're running a business, but I'm reliable to get what needs to be done, done, even if it means I'm working from home or on a Saturday in office with my baby in my lap as I type. Yeah, I left early according to you, but I didn't, I never just leave and say eh, oh well what didn't get done will wait. I fully appreciate the fact that I have flexibility, but if they feel I'm taking advantage... Either my work speaks for itself or if doesn't, and it may come down to a growing company not recognizing that.

I've told SO to give me numbers, how much more he'd bring in if I stayed home. Not hopeful estimates, but underestimate based on real jobs declined. If it's enough and then some, if it is best for us, then I'll get used to the idea. Logan's six month appointment reinforced that I don't want him in daycare anytime soon.

I'm glad I vented here. I told SO he has to get some disability insurance ASAP. That is such a good point that had not made its way to the forefront of my brain yet. We have discussed and made some legal arrangements as well as common sense stuff in case something happened to the other. Access to accounts, living will, stuff like that. The county does have a domestic partner registry, but nothing statewide. Sort of selfishly, that's one thing I think about in terms of the financial stuff too - I don't want us to have to give up a wedding we want if possible. Our the wedding I want. *sigh* Getting ahead of myself. Good problem to have, I guess.

Lmao at the beer & wine edit.
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"He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." ~ Forrest Gump
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