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Horrible thought

Forum: Loss of a Parent


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June 17th, 2009, 08:59 PM
Belalith's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Shreveport, LA
Posts: 1,395
Here's a little backstory

I am 26 and lost my dad at 21 to undiagnosed lung cancer. It was horrible and he died on the table during a surgery because he was too weak and they had no idea he was stage 4. I miss him terribly still, and he missed my wedding, college graduation, and now the birth of my baby boy.

My mom and I have always had a very tumultuous relationship, which has been on a downward spiral since I was hospitalized for th elast month of my pregnancy. SHe has been acting out toward my inlaws and causing me tons of emotional and mental anguish.

I had the thought today that I wish it had been the other way around. I feel so horrible for even thinking it, but I miss my dad so much and I am so tired of her drama and hurt.

Has anyone else ever felt like this, or had some transient thought like that? I really just feel awful about it.

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June 18th, 2009, 12:20 PM
Julie_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 1,934
I don't think it's wrong to have this sort of thought. I've been there before. My mother and I hardly ever have a good conversation these days. I lost my dad last December and he and I were just so close and so much alike. I try to remember that my relationship with my mother is not like that of a typical mother and daughter, and so I keep her at arms reach to avoid a confrontation. At this point in my life, I know what issues start a fight between us. So I just avoid them. I'm sure you've already considered this, but perhaps we should try to learn from this and try to make our relationship with our kids like the ones we had with our dads.

I hope I helped.

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June 18th, 2009, 12:25 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Posts: 19,240
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I agree with Julie. Although I get along with my mom well, I have had those types of thoughts about other people... Like my sister. In all honesty, I keep conversations with her to a minimum and avoid anything we will probably disagree over. I am sure some moms who have experienced miscarriages or stillbirths have probably considered what it would be like if their friend, who has 6 unwanted children and is a bad mom, had gone through that. I hope that makes sense. Have you tried counseling with your mom at all? Does she have mental issues causing these problems? I am having trouble understanding why she would purposely try to drag you through the mud so much. In any event, I am very sorry about the position you are in. I hope counseling or avoiding her takes some stress off your shoulders. Feel free to vent here anytime you want!

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June 20th, 2009, 01:11 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
Posts: 9,385
Hey...I have. We moved in with my parents to help care for Mom. Dad acts like he can't stand the sight of me, and I've had that thought...you aren't alone. It adds more to the sense of guilt, but I have had that thought. I wish I had a parent that would still wrap their arms around me and mourn my babies with me.
my thanks to Claire1979 for the awesome siggy!!
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June 27th, 2009, 07:53 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,175
((hugs)) I've had those thoughts, but about my IL's-you're not abnormal, just hurt

Lucky mother to five!

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June 28th, 2009, 04:49 PM
hearts.0nfire's Avatar STPR lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 11,046
I've felt like that sometimes. My dad and I were really close through the short amount of time I was with him. My mom and I get along, but it's awkward sometimes so it's definitely made me think of that.

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