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Forum: Loss of a Parent


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December 18th, 2009, 05:21 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,649
I have zero sex drive. My dad just passed away 5 weeks ago and I still have a hard time getting through a day without falling apart. But DH lost it last night when I turned him away. The most awful things came out of his mouth, about how I needed to just get over it, and how he shouldn't have to suffer. And all I could do was cry, I couldn't even defend myself. I just brought the baby downstairs and slept on the couch. I want to be in the mood, and I was fairly close until that all happened. It just takes so much emotion to DTD, and I just don't have enough left at the end of the day. I just was hoping to find out that it's normal, and it will come back.
Mom to 3 (1998, 2000, and 2009), step-mom to 1 (1995), two four-legged babies who bark, wife and full time student.
My days are busy, my house is messy, and my heart is full!
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December 18th, 2009, 08:57 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,175
((hugs)) Are you on an antidepressant, b/c those meds can knock out your sex drive, but so can depression. It took me 52 full weeks to stop crying every day when my mom died suddenly, I didn't "just get over it". People who haven't lost a parent don't get how much it hurts and how long it takes to process. Talk therapy and journalling, and perhaps meds, can help you get through your day to day activities, including dtd. I hope your DH is there for you, the last thing you need right now is to feel bad about grieving for your dad, it takes time. Come here and tell us about your dad, we're a quiet board, but our regulars check here often, and you can always PM me if you need to. Take it one day at a time, and if you're struggling to get through daily activities, maybe talk to your doctor.

Lucky mother to five!

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December 24th, 2009, 02:34 PM
alethia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 18,623
HUGS and more HUGS! I lost my "drive" too when my mom passed away - not only that but you have a new baby - when i had my son for the first 6 months at least my "drive" was diminished. I am sooooooooooooooo sorry he said those type of things to you - guys don't understand - they really don't. My DH didn't understand what i was going through with the loss of my mom until he lost his dad a few months latter - then he appologized to me, because he didn't know what it was like and he knew he should have been more supportive. Men also don't understand the after giving birth taking care of a young baby loss of drive. HUGS to you hun!
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December 29th, 2009, 08:47 PM
MountainMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Southern Iowa
Posts: 23,407
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Between the new baby and losing your dad, it's no wonder you don't have any sex drive! Try to sit DH down and talk about it at a time when he isn't already in the mood and wanting some. It is normal though, and you aren't alone.

I hope that DH is more understanding in the future.

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January 4th, 2010, 12:44 PM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Dreamland...........
Posts: 2,644
Your husband needs to be more understanding..... I am sorry for him really. You are too close to the labor that took place and your father died. He is not very sensitive towards you is he? And i am not either by speaking like that but it's the truth. If i were you i'd coldly tell him to go w@nk it off with some porn and leave me alone (if he ever talked to me like that about sex i mean). Me and DH STILL don't have the complete sex relationship back to normal and baby is 13 months old....i still don't have that much drive. He is patient.....he has been VERY patient considering that we stopped doing whatever from month 2 of pregnancy. Now add how many months he is starving, or half eating.....but at least he is respecting me. Your husband needs to straighten his priorities so they don't all lay down in his pants.....and you need to take care of yourself and your baby.....

I am so sorry about your dad......

" \m/ Now Iím riding through the air
going to where no one dares
on the way Iíll cross the line forevermore \m/ "

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