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Forum: Loss of a Parent


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January 4th, 2010, 12:55 PM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Dreamland...........
Posts: 2,644
I probably assume no one here remembers me since i am not a regular, but i have posted in the past. Long story sort i haven't lost 1 parent, but all of them within 1 year. Meaning my grandfather (that raised me), my mother, and my bio dad......ok, so pretty dramatic, yeah right life is not fair anyway and after a few blows you toughen it up. Anyhow the issue is that something happened and i don't know what to really do. I am biting my lips and nails......ok our religion Christian Orthodox does not allow people to be burned....that's one. Second fact is i am not as religious (no debate on that please thank you) so religion and it's thoughts on the matter are not very important to me anyway. I had my mother buried in a temporary grave and i had to evacuate that in the summer. Due to the baby i didn't open the envelope that said the details of all that (it got lost somewhere in the midst of hell-my fault i own it).....anyway and as it turns out i have to do the procedure now but by paying a 2000 Euro fine for being too late. Explaining does not get you out of it. i have to pay the fine, and then take her somewhere where they keep the bones.....IF i choose NOT to pay the fine (let's say i have no bloody money right?) they will burn her in a huge furnace with other bodies. They will not give me ashes or anything. They are taking advantage of people and it makes me VERY VERY angry ....if it were me and me alone, i'd burn my mother and not give them the money. I prefer to keep the money for the living mainly my daughter and not for the dead (another mindset of mine is that no one is out there and her body is empty and means nothing to me. Her memory does though). What bothers me is that maybe my daughter someday will ask me about her grandmother's grave and i will have nothing to show her and maybe the cold reality that i burned her will bother her That's the only thing keeping me back. What would you ladies do? I already know the answer, i just wanted to hear it i suppose. I am still not sure what i will do

" \m/ Now Iím riding through the air
going to where no one dares
on the way Iíll cross the line forevermore \m/ "

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January 4th, 2010, 08:25 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,649
Dad chose cremation, but we will put his ashes (in his pine box, because he always wanted to build his own coffin and ran out of time and energy before he got a chance to) down in the back field by the pond. We just have ti wait for the ground to thaw. Mom's house will be passed to my sister so any of the kids will have acess to the site. Past the next generation I can't see it being that important.
Mom to 3 (1998, 2000, and 2009), step-mom to 1 (1995), two four-legged babies who bark, wife and full time student.
My days are busy, my house is messy, and my heart is full!
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January 5th, 2010, 11:19 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
Well I am sorry for your loss, that's first & foremost. That's hard to have to deal w/ in itself.

The fact of no money & they're keeping your mother's ashes "hostage" that's really bad, I didn't know they could do that, but I've never run into that either.

For me... I would see what you can do legally. I mean, you don't have the $$$ you don't have it, it shouldn't be all on your shoulders to come up w/ the $$$ for her ashes, how sad. At least IMHO.

As far as explaining to your child, that's something I wouldn't be thinking about right now, cross that bridge when you get to it. Not now. As hard as it is, w/ your religious background & what is "suppose" to happen, isn't always what happens.

Do you have a close community that you could try to raise a funds to have the ashes for you to be able to keep? I am sure if you told your story, something could be done. I can't imagine people not wanting to help. JMHO.

I am not familiar w/ burials, although I am going to have to bring myself up to speed w/ them in the near future, people don't live forever, hence the reason both myself, my DH & our kids all have life insurance for that very reason. In the mean time, there has got to be something you can do for this. I wish I had more advice, legally speaking, but I don't...


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January 12th, 2010, 08:08 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: cny
Posts: 3,230
i remember you, yes it's been a long time since i've been here to . Trisha has been keeping me on my toes ,,, teething , YES i'm sorry but if your parents can not affored death ins... whatever the expence & whatever dept they are in is on you .......we got lucky, MOM was smart enough to know the bills & save a little , so was i we are STILL paying off her headstone B/C HER husband wanted this this this this & this added... we had NO SAY .....as a SAHM i can understand where you don't have the money ,BUT it happened you have to pay , contact the people make payment aragments, that my only suggestion on that ,,, I'm soooo sorry for your loss ,,, Missing mom tonight to

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