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I just lost my father...

Forum: Loss of a Parent


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January 15th, 2010, 08:43 PM
Msbasay's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Raceland, Louisiana
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My name is Trudy and I am a member of the Feb 09 Playroom. I just lost my father yesterday and I am having a very hard time. I lost my mom 7 years ago but this was a bit different.. Here is my story...

Yesterday at about 11:00 a.m. my sister found my daddy face down on the floor in his living room and he was non responsive. He wasn't even breathing at that time. She called 911 and I got the call at work shortly after.

He suffered a massive stroke and was suppose to be brain dead, but he was responsive to me and my sister. He could only see out of one eye. I asked him many questions and he would respond my squeezing my hand. His eyes were set on me... he wanted to talk so bad and he tried a couple of times but I told him to relax and just breath. His body began to shut down at 10:00 p.m.. He made it VERY clear when he was alive that he did not want to be put on any sort of machines. I can't tell you how many times I heard that come out of his mouth.

The nurse came to me and told me that if his heart stops that they will not be hooking him up to any machines because that was his wishes. I wanted to make sure that he was as comfortable as possible. The hospital staff was amazing and did everything they could for him.

Myself, my sister, and both of my brothers were at my daddy's besdside when obviously someone from the other side told him to tell us goodbye. He grabbed our hands one by one and poked us with all he had with his index figure in our palms. He got to me and I told him I loved him he squeezed my hand. I asked him if he was ready to be with momma. He squeezed my hand. The nurse came in right after and gave him a shot of Adavan to calm his nerves and that was the last time he was responsive.

We went up to ICU all his children were there and that's when he took his last breath and he finally let go at 10:42. He died holding my hand. We stayed there until the funeral home people came and that was the hardest thing I had to do... leave him there. Within a matter of minutes he was white and his skin looked like porcelain.

My daddy that I took care of.. my daddy that I went see every weekend... my little fragile daddy that would give you the shirt of his back was taken from me and just like my mom I had to witness it. Only this time..he fought long so we had more time with him. I am beyond lost. I will never forget the way he hold my hand and squeezed it. I will also never forget when he told me by and the way his last breath sounded. They call it the sound of death.. trust me you never want to hear it.

We are burying him having the wake Monday and his funeral will be Tuesday. Ladies I don't know how I am going to handle this. All I do is cry and blame myself, but I am just thankful he knew we were all there when he was called to the other side.


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January 16th, 2010, 09:25 AM
sweetgirl51305's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,373
I am so sorry about your loss. I'm crying just reading your post. My father had a massive heart attack in his sleep and my husband and I found him. I will never forget that day. Its something that you will never forget, maybe even have nightmares about like I did. At least you were there when he passed. And DONT blame yourself, my mom still does to this day 'cuz she was out of town and I was the one that found him first. It'll be 2 years this May, and it's still hard for us. My hubby and I are ttc #1 and that's hard 'cuz he's not here. But what I think helped my mom and I a little was grief counseling. It helps talking to someone. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.
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January 16th, 2010, 10:00 PM
Msbasay's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sorry to hear that you share this pain. It is something I wouldnt wish on my worse enemy.

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January 18th, 2010, 11:27 PM
MountainMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I had more words for you, but honestly, I'm in one of those rough patches right now myself. All I do have to offer right now are (((hugs)))

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my new siggy!

Click on my blinkies to tour some of my favorite boards!
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January 19th, 2010, 11:35 PM
Msbasay's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks for the Hugs.. we laid him to rest this morning

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January 21st, 2010, 12:28 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,175
I am so sorry for your loss. How wonderful that you were all able to be there for his last moments; that is something that you will never forget, and one day you'll be glad you were there. You are not to blame for anything; his stroke killed him, he was so lucky to be able to die surrounded by people who loved him---how many people get that? Your dad sounds wonderful, and you are a wonderful daughter. ((hugs)) The next few months will be the hardest, but each day, and each month will pass, and the pain will be less sharp. ((hugs)) to you

Lucky mother to five!

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January 31st, 2010, 12:01 PM
Perfectly~Flawed's Avatar ♥ Proud Potterhead! ♥
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Oh sweetie I'm so sorry! I lost my daddu in 03 so I understand how that feels. Its wonderful you were able to be there with him in the end.
You and yours are in my thoughts

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