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Loss my father last week

Forum: Loss of a Parent


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January 20th, 2010, 07:47 AM
danniegirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Fort Bragg, NC
Posts: 4,826
This was so unexpected. last week wednesday night thursday morning at 1am i got the phone call from my mom. its weird the last time she called that late was in september when she told me about my grandfather. all she told me was that i have my children to take care of but my father killed himself. I lost it. unfortunately my husband is deployed so all i had was myself and the kids. I had to go into work to let them know i needed time off.

We had the funeral monday and when i walked in i looked over and saw him in the casket and just collasped. I took it hard because we didnt leave things on good terms. he never got to see his grandson and i just didnt talk to him since before thanksgiving. So I feel soo guilty. but more so i am so angry at him. i went to his gravesite yesterday and i just yelled at him. i went there today and just talked. i have mixed emotions and i dont know what to do.

there was no note nothing and i just dont get what was so bad in his life. I want him back i want to rewing these past few months i would do everything so differently. I miss him so much. My grandmother on my moms side is being really ignorant telling me my father is so selfish for doing this and a coward and that he is not going to heaven. That is something she shouldnt have told me the day of his funeral.

Yes i know that was a selfish act but how do i know he didnt ask for forgiveness. So in my mind right before he did it he asked for forgivness. I am so mad at my grandmother but i am just more angry at my father.

How long will this anger last?

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January 20th, 2010, 07:32 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,175
I am so sorry for your loss. Its hard to come to terms and accept a loved one's suicide when so many people die for reasons other than their own. Its alright for you to be angry at everyone, its a stage of grief. Go to your dad's grave and yell at him, cry, do what you need to do to get through this. I don't think your grandmother should have said that, esp on his funeral day, I am so sorry. Our board is quiet, but we're all still here. When you're ready, tell us about your dad, it will help. ((hugs))

Lucky mother to five!

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January 21st, 2010, 07:04 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,649
All the emotions you have, now and future, will last as long as they are supposed to. The process of grief is very individual and you have every right to each emotion that you face while you work through this. Take your time, and don't let anyone tell you how you should be feeling or thinking. And check out the "Mourner's Bill of Rights" in the stickies, it lays it out in a way that gives you the control of your process.
Mom to 3 (1998, 2000, and 2009), step-mom to 1 (1995), two four-legged babies who bark, wife and full time student.
My days are busy, my house is messy, and my heart is full!
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January 22nd, 2010, 02:40 PM
MountainMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Southern Iowa
Posts: 23,407
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I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my new siggy!

Click on my blinkies to tour some of my favorite boards!
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