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Forum: Loss of a Parent


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February 3rd, 2010, 08:50 AM
danniegirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Fort Bragg, NC
Posts: 4,826
Its been three weeks since my father killed himself. Unfortunately I dont live in the same state as my family. I am in the military and I have two kids. My husband is deployed so I am trying to not really get on with my life but move forward. However the drama is not stopping. My dad had a girlfriend that he lived with for 12 years and at the time this happened she was in the hospital. My family blame her for his death. Now she is calling my grandmother and what not becuase they are treating her unfair. Unfortunately Delaware does not acknowledge common law marriage so my sister and I are his next of kin. I have his identification card that the detective gave me and to be honest that is enough for me. However my sister wants everything. My father had like a lot of cars. Well my opinion is let his girlfriend have it becuase well they were together that long and the financial spot he left her in. Well now becuase I have that outlook on things i am the blacksheep of the family. Which is fine I am back home and back at work. My mom tells me to stay out of it and just let my sister take care of. Which is fine.

Up until two nights ago I was not on anyone sides becuase this shouldnt be about fighting over his things i just assumed we can just grieve our loss. I know my sisters motive for this if it wasnt that way i would support her. Well two nights ago my dads girlfriend calls me. She told me that she found a suicide note. I was relieved but then it said in the note that he wanted her to have everything. Why didnt the detective find the note and its a coincidence that it says that. I dont believe my dad would only say good bye to her and not his daughters or his brother or mother who he was close with. Well then she started talking bad about my father. I just loss my father and here you are talking crap. I was furious but stayed polite. Thankfully my baby woke up so i got off the phone.

she calls again last night starting with how bad her life was with my father. She was talking for 3 min and i couldnt handle it. So I politly told her that i am willing to talk to her if she needs help getting through this. I however will not sit here and listen to you talk bad about my father. I told her i had nothing against her but if she was that unhappy maybe she should have left him then it would have saved us all this headache because (according to the note) he wouldnt have felt bad for the way he treated her. I told her that unlike the rest of the family i am alone and trying to deal with my kids. My husband just left for a deployment and not two weeks later my father kills himself and im not around family. So I am on my own and cant deal with this. I was like I am on anti depressents and I have to try my hardest to stay calm.

Well then she informed me that she always respected me and that if my family wants to treat her that way then she will get a lawyer to and freeze my dads assets so my sister and grandmother cant get anything. My sister and I are the next of Kin and we are doing things legally. I mean he didnt have a wiill so we cant do anything until he has been gone a month so in february we are going to the register of wills and getting what we need. Honestly I just wish everyone would calm down and talk civil. Im sure she wouldnt be this way if my family wasnt that way and my family wouldnt be this way if she was. I am just lost.

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February 5th, 2010, 01:21 PM
alethia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 18,623
(((HUGS))) I am so sorry you are going through so much!! Try to take it just a day at a time. I'm so sorry not only for the loss of your dad but what you're going through with the family! I'm thinking of you Dannie!
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February 5th, 2010, 11:27 PM
Perfectly~Flawed's Avatar ♥ Proud Potterhead! ♥
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Lubbock, Texas
Posts: 5,685
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Oh hun! I'm sorry you are going through all this and through that with your family! You can really 'deal' its going to take time

But you're in my T&Ps

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February 11th, 2010, 11:55 AM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,175
((hugs)) I've learned thru experience that people get crazy whenever there is money or assets involved when somebody dies. ((hugs))

Lucky mother to five!

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February 11th, 2010, 01:32 PM
danniegirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Fort Bragg, NC
Posts: 4,826
She wouldnt stop calling me so I was no longer allowed to bring my phone in work. which sucks because my dh is currently deployed and i refuse to miss a call from him. So I got a restraining order against her and she is not allowed to have any contact with me what so ever. I hate doing that but not to sound ignorant or like i dont care. I have my own worries to deal with and I dont need her calling bad mouthing my father or my family becuase she cant get what she wants. I still have to take care of my kids and work whil ethe hubby is away and I dont live close to family so i am on my own.

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